So we ended up listening to the song and reading the lyrics.  We get it, and we think that it’s a good title for this particular story.

Description & Foreword: 9/10

Description is fine.  Since it’s a collection of oneshots, we can’t take off for anything.  The foreword is goo too; we get a glimpse of the plot and the characters.  Good job.

Poster/Background: __/10

A simple picture of Taemin with your story’s title.  It doesn’t really count as a main poster, so we won’t count it here.

Characterization: 11/15

Taemin’s character here is great.  We can feel his resentment toward his father (which is what you probably planned).  Hyosonn’s character, on the other hand, we don’t know much about.  Since you’re writing in third person limited, we suppose that it would be hard incorporating her feelings into the oneshot, but there are still ways to do it.  We’d like to know more about Hyosonn.

Spelling/Grammar: 6/20 (Only doing the first segment)

For all of his life, Lee Taemin had loved his appa.  (Correction: All his life, Lee Taemin loved his appa.)

He truly did, no matter how much his appa screamed, or shouted, or yelled, and did pretty much whatever at or to him.  (Correction: He truly did, no matter how much his appa screamed, shouted, or yelled, and pretty much did whatever to him.)

The occasional slap on the back of the head, the glares, and the eyes that always seemed to silently scream, “You are not my son.  A weakling like you cannot be my son!” (This isn’t a sentence.)

As he had always craved to be when he was a kid, doing everything and anything to try and make his appa notice him.  (Correction: He always craved attention when he was a kid; he did anything and everything to try and make his appa notice him.)

only goofing off and getting kicked out of school so his appa would notice him, would see him and not through him like he almost always did.  (Correction: only goofing off and getting kicked out of school so that his appa

would notice him, so that he would see him and not through him like he almost always did.)

He didn’t care what others thought of him, though (Take out though.)

he remembered saying to himself one completely random, ordinary day.  (Take out one completely random, ordinary because it isn’t necessary.)

He might’ve stopped goofing off and getting into trouble, and started to get better grades and trophies (Add ‘he might’ve’ before started to make more sense.)

“spotlight” (Remove the quotations unless you feel it’s necessary.)

So he hid it in the darkest corner of his mind, of his heart, and lived his life as normally as he could when one had such a rich and famous appa like Taemin had.  (Correction: So he hid it in the darkest corner of his mind and his heart, and he lived his life as normally as he could.)

he didn’t leave his apartment, didn’t talk to his friends, stayed indoors all the time and sometimes came out to buy some food and other necessities, but that was it.  (Correction: he didn’t leave his apartment, talk to friends,

and stayed indoors all the time.  Sometimes, he went out to buy food and other necessities, but that was it.)

He spent the night at his appa’s mansion when everything had been said and done, which felt even scarier and lonelier than he remembered.  (Correction: He spent the night at his appa’s mansion, which felt even scarier than he remembered.)

He spent the night there and he finally let loose the tears that had wanted to escape so badly for so long.  (Correction: He finally let loose the tears that wanted to escape badly for so long.)

Flow: 7/10

Actually, I thought it was too fast.  I mean, I understand that it’s a oneshot so the pace is naturally fast.  But I feel that you rushed into the marriage.  I wanted to read about maybe a date or two?  And maybe an emotional scene?

Originality: 12/15

Parents hating their child because they kill their significant other.  I’ve seen this before.  But I’m glad that it wasn’t the girl this time.  Taemin’s personna is totally cliche.  The ‘rich bad boy’.  But I’m glad that he changed over time.  I wouldn’t have liked Taemin if he was some rude guy.  I liked the fact that Taemin’s father actually loved him.  It shows that humans are capable of forgiving, even when you do something really bad.

Plot: 8/10

To link your plot to a song is clever.  I’ve seen it before, but it really helps draw inspiration if you have writers block.  The plot made sense; I could see someone’s father being emotionally awkward around his child and having the child think that the father hated him/her.  I actually don’t believe in love at first sight, but I’m not going to bias myself here.  It was really lovely the way things worked out.

Enjoyment: 5/5

Update soon please.

Total: 63/90

70/100

Bonus: 5/5

I liked how the fanfic was based off a song.  I tried doing that once, and it was challenging.  Props to you on that!

Grand Total: 68/90

75.5/100