Title: 2/5


Your title shouldn’t be in caps lock.  So, instead of YOU LOVE~YOU LOSE, you could change it to: You Love, You Lose.  Also, the ~ symbol isn’t needed in your title--a comma would do you more good.



Description/Foreword: 5/10


First of all, writing in black is recommended.  It will save your readers from wanting to rip their eyes out.  There are also some grammar things:


1) Always capitalize the first letter in a sentence.  


2) The “...” thing (ellipsis) shouldn’t be used to excess, and only use three dots when you do use them.  
Otherwise, your description is interesting, and it will catch the attention of many.



Your foreword does not need the character profile.  Assuming that you will add in the information written about the characters in the story, the profiles in the foreword are basically repeating yourself.  If you erase the profiles and start your foreword with, “Can they both survive 60 days?”, then your foreword will become more interesting.



Poster/Background: 8/10


The text at the bottom is difficult to read.  A different font might’ve been better.



Characterization: 7/15


Yes, you’ve just started your story, and yes, you’re still developing your plot.  Therefore, it is hard to judge your characters at this point.  You need to work on developing your characters more.  The only things I know about your characters up to this point are the things mentioned in the foreword, and the fact that Key is a player and Minhee was a nerd.  Add more characteristics and habits so that your characters don’t seem undeveloped.



Spelling/Grammar: 14/20


For someone who’s first language isn’t English, you write pretty well.  Of course, there are things to work on, but you seem to understand the basic (and more advanced) rules of English.  Here’s one thing that is very important when writing in English: keep the verb tense the same.


Quick English lesson: There’s past, present, and future tenses in English.  I, personally, prefer to write in past tense (ran, jumped, swam, ate, etc.), but there are many writers that like to write in present tense (run, jump, swim, eat, etc.).  Whatever tense you choose, stick to it.  Don’t go around mixing tenses because that will lead to confusion.



Flow: 5/10


The main thing that messes up your flow is the POV changes.  If you want to write in POV, make them longer.  In fact, make each chapter one person’s POV.  It will eliminate confusion for your readers.
Also, make sure to use transitional words (later, before, after, etc).



Originality/Plot: 15/25


You combine many of the cliches--meeting on a social network, a nerdy girl changed into a pretty girl, a player, and a bet that neither can fall in love with each other--into one story.  It’s not bad, but you can add in original things that you yourself come up with.  Change your plot up a bit.  You have a lot of chapters left to make your plot original.  Good luck.



Enjoyment: 4/5


The constant POV change ruined the reading experience, honestly.



Total: 60/100



General Comments:


There are a lot of things that you can improve, but there are a lot of things that you do well.  Just take some of the stuff I said into consideration, and I hope that through your fanfiction, you’ll get a better grasp of the English language.  Maybe you could ask around for a beta reader or a co-author?
In any case, thank you for requesting for a review, and sorry if this wasn’t the score you wanted.