Title: 4/5

Your title would not catch my attention if I was scrolling down AFF.  However, I am only one person, and my argument stands invalid when compared to all of the other people on the site..  

Description/Foreword: 4/10

Your first sentence sums up the fanfiction.  With that one sentence, you’ve pushed away potential readers because they already know what’s going to happen.

Also, there are grammatical errors.  English isn’t your first language, though, so I won’t dock too many points from it.  
the story is about the vampire fall in love with the human <--First, you must capitalize the first word in the sentence.  This sentence is awkward, so maybe you could try, “The vampire fell in love with the human.”  It’s simple, and it makes sense.

The character profiles are unnecessary and ruin the reading experience.
As for your foreword, the first four sentences should be moved to your description.  It would make your description much more interesting.  All four of those sentences are grammatically incorrect, but I’ll be lenient.

Poster/Background: 8/10

The characters are transparent--I can see the background.

Characterization: 6/15

Nothing is known about the characters so far.  There aren’t even physical descriptions.  If you include the characters’ physical descriptions and weird habits that they have, it will bring your characters alive.

Spelling/Grammar: 8/20 {chapter 2 mistakes}

"Let me go," you asked with a low voice. <--Instead of “you”, it should be Eunmi.

The vampire leaned closer to Eun Mi's neck, while his right hand held Eun Mi's neck. <--Neck is redundant.

Eun Mi scared as she thought that the vampire would bite and drank his blood <--“Eunmi was scared because she thought that the vampire would bite her and drink her blood."

the vampire kissed her on neck <--In between “on” and “neck”, you need “her”.

He released the towel out of Eun Mi's body, and threw the towel to the ground. <--Incorrect usage of the comma.  Take out the comma.

"She is so y. How could she make me so ?" the vampire said in his mind as he stared at Eun Mi. <--Instead of quotes, make it italicized.  Thoughts should always be italicized.

The vampire wiped the tears away, and leaned in to kiss her on lips. <--Take out the comma.

Eun Mi let out a moan lightly, and felt him smirked between the kiss. <--Take out the comma.  “Smirked” should be “smirk”.

Then he made Eun Mi kissed him back, and as a result, Eun Mi couldn't resist, so she kissed the vampire back. <--This sentence repeats itself, and therefore, you don’t need the whole sentence.

the vampire broke the kiss, and then, he smirked <--You need end punctuation.

Eun Mi realized as she tried to push the vampire <--What did Eunmi realize?

his heartbeat started beating <--Do you mean “his heart started to beat”?

He cleared his throat, and said in his mind, “what’s wrong with me?” <--Take out the comma after “throat”, and make your thoughts italicized.

Flow: 6/10

You should slow things down.  Everything is going so fast that the readers might not know what’s going on.  For instance, you don’t explain how Eunmi ended up going to the doll shop and how she found out about it.  As a reader, I’d be interested in learning about that.  And what about Kevin?  What is his backstory?

Originality/Plot: 13/25

You’re only three chapters in, so it’s hard to judge the plot and originality.  You insert a few plot twists here and there, but you need way more twists if you want your story to be considered “original”.  After Stephenie Meyer came out with Twilight, people seem to hate on vampire fanfictions because they’re modeled off of Twilight.  Don’t be one of those fanfics, and start adding in more twists to help your originality.

Enjoyment: 3/5

Pretty good so far; I’ll have to read more to judge.

Total: 52/100

General Comments:

Okay, I probably sound like a jerk for telling you to correct a lot of things in your fanfic.  In my defense, I’m about to go to bed, and I’m having a hard time spelling simple words correctly, let alone comprehend a fanfiction.  

Your biggest problem, I’m afraid, is English.  Your English is decent, but it’s not up to par with a lot of other writers. To fix this, ask someone you know who’s fluent in English to help you fix the grammatical errors.  You could even ask someone of AFF (because there are many people who are fluent in English, I’m sure) for help.  We’re one big AFF family, and we love to help each other out (when we aren’t busy).  If you get someone to help you with English, your fanfic will do well.

Thank you for requesting a review, and I’m sorry if this wasn’t the score you wanted.