Title: 3/5

This is a rather common title in the fanfiction world lately.  erted minds would enjoy it.

Description/Foreword: 8/10

Song lyrics are great, but please keep them in a black font color.  There are occasional comma errors and a few awkward sentences in your description, but nothing too major.

The “meet the characters” section is uneccessary.  You’ve told the readers most of the information in the actual fanfiction itself.  

Poster/Background: 8/10

The different pictures are blended awkwardly together.  “I made you my life” could have been brought out more; it’s not really noticable.

Characterization: 14/15

The main girl is believable, for the most part.  Except for the whole “ slave” concept.  Congratulations for making your character believable.

Spelling/Grammar: 13/20

"What about my goodmorning kiss?" <--“Goodmorning” should be two words, “good morning”.

Yunho took quick showers so if she wanted to make breakfast for him she'd have to hurry. <--You need a comme after “showers”.

To be completely honest Hyunae was never the best cook. <--You need a comma after “honest”.

Although she always has been a good baker. <--“Has” should be “had”.

Satisfied he kissed her cheek. <--You need a comma after satisfied.

Oddly he was being helpful. <--You need a comma after oddly.

They both felt the tension so it was Yunho that broke the silence. <--You need a comma after “tension”.

Don't worry about me I have a birthday once a year. <--You need a semi-colon or a period after “me”.

The boss is hiring new staff and I might be on the chopping block. <--You need a comma after “staff”.

Despite the fact that I'm a has been technically people are still buying our albums on iTunes. <--You need a comma after “has been”.

My father's been busy over in America teaching and I would hate to call him for money. <--You need a comma after “teaching”.

She was wrong for cheating on your father but you can't crucify her because of that. <--You need a comma after “father”.

If you do a good enough job I might let you her first. <--You need a comma after “job”.

Fine, Yang Yoseob oppa what would you like to order? <--You need a comma after “oppa”.

I heard from a little birdy that your shift on Mondays end in twenty minutes. <--“End” should be “ends”.

I don't know it depends on what you're talking about? <--You need a semi-colon or a period after “know”.

Hyunae's eyes widen at the sight as her breath was cut off with another forcefull kiss. <--“Widen” should be “widened”.  “Forcefull” should be “forceful”.

That's it my little toy hate me with all you have <--You need a comma after “toy”.

Most of the grammar errors are commas, which are understandable.  Commas are tricky.

Flow: 9/10

Your flow is a bit on the fast side, but it will make readers wonder what will happen next.

Originality/Plot: 12/25

You’ve made the setting of your fanfiction in the future, which is something you don’t see in those slave type fanfiction.  You could add in plot twists to make your fanfiction more original.  

Enjoyment: 4/5

One of the better written s out there.

Total: 71/100

Bonus: 5/5

A famfiction set in the future, huh.  Interesting.

Grand Total: 76/100

General Comments:

I was hesitant to read this at first.   slave stories aren’t my favorite things to read.  However, I realized that not all slave stories are bad.  I enjoyed your fanfiction.  
I’m sorry if this isn’t the score that you were hoping for.  Thank you for requesting a review, and sorry that it took so long.