Title: 3/5


You should never use a question mark and an exclamation point in the same sentence.  Use one or the other.  Also, “my” should be capitalized.



Description/Foreword: 7/10


Never put a summary in your description.  If you can summarize your whole plot into a few sentences, then there’s no need to read the rest of the story.
Character profiles make the reader feel dumb.  A big part of writing the story is giving away characteristics throughout the fiction.  Don’t give it away in the foreword.



Poster/Background: 9/10


You can tell that the characters are from different pictures.  However, it fits the story.



Characterization: 14/15


Overall, the way you portray your characters is reasonable.  You don’t tell us much about Nora, though.



Spelling/Grammar: 10/20 (mistakes from the first half of the first chapter)


"Yah hyung!" Shouted a cute looking boy as he followed his hyung to his room, but the older guy had another plan. He shut the door on the cute looking dongseng, who was on the other side pouting. <--Awkwardly worded.


Leave him Sungmin. <--Comma after “him”.


He locked the door and went into his shared room, sitting on his pink bed he sighed. <--Perhaps “He locked the door and went into his shared room, sitting on his pink bed.  He sighed.”


He whispered as he frowned and grabbed his white pillow to his chest and bitterly chuckled at the memory; that was a few hours ago. <--Improper use of the semi-colon.  This sentence is also a bit wordy.


That I can't take anyone serious, but me? <--Perhaps “That I can’t take anyone serious except myself?”


he was now pissed because of her thinking he as full of himself. <--I think you mean “was” instead of “as”.


That was just him; a different guy with an epic personality. <--Again, improper use of a semi-colon.


Closing his eyes he refused to let himself down on the small thought of someone thinking he was a jerk. <--Comma after “eyes”.


Burying his face in his pillow he sighed; suddenly a soft weight jumped on his bed and something furry begun rubbing on his hair. <--Comma after “pillow”.  Comma after “bed”.


Ah Heebum you love daddy right? <--Comma after “Heebum”.
He asked the feline and in response the animal meowed and his nose. <--Comma after “feline” and “response”.


Of course you love me I feed you. <--Period or semi-colon after “me”.


He chuckled as he patted his cat's head and the animal begun purring under his touch. <--Comma after “head”.


A friend who couldn't speak up, but was a great listener; he adored Heebum. <--Remove the comma.  Change the semicolon to a comma.


Heebum I love ya! <--Comma after “Heebum”.


We can learn a new trick, because last time you were shy. <--You don’t need the comma.


He smiled as he placed the at down beside him. <--I think you mean “cat” instead of “at”.


Heechul were you going? <--Comma after “Heechul”.


Heebum needs some treats and I'm going to buy him a new toy <--Comma after “treats”.


You okay Heechul? <--Comma after “okay”.


Weirdos come out at night and you know our stalkers are out there; waiting for an opportunity. <--Change the semi-colon to a comma.


Leeteuk warned him and Heechul smirked. <--Comma after “him”.


Heecul smiled and Leeteuk raised an eyebrow. <--Comma after “smiled”.


If I recall the ones who have ninja skills are the ones playing and eating like kids over there. <--Comma after “recall”.


Yah have faith in me hyung. <--Comma after “yah”.


I might take a coffee stop around the corner and enjoy the city for awhile. <--I think you mean something else besides “take”.


Heechul said changing subjects and avoiding his hyung saying he wasn't a fighter but more a lover. <--Comma after “said”.


Oh can you bring me one of those scones, you know. The blueberry kind; I love those! <--Maybe “Oh, can you bring me one of those scones?  You know, the blueberry kind; I love those!”


Leeteuk smiled widely and Heechul rolled his eyes and went around Leeteuk. <--Comma after “widely”.


"Don't forget! Leeteuk called out as Heechul opened the door ad waved his hand good-bye and left the dorm shutting the dorm door closed. <--You forgot the end quotation marks.  “Ad” should be “and”.


Leeteuk sighed as he watched him go out the door and his heart squeezed a bit. <--Comma after “door”.


Please take care Heechul. <--Comma after “care”.


Flow: 7/10


Your flow is strange, to be honest.  Some parts, like the part where Nora forgives Niel, seems to go by quickly.  Other parts go by too fast.  The way you word certain sentences might make the reader a bit confused.



Originality/Plot: 21/25


You’ve written this story in a way that can be credited as “original”.  Nothing can technically be original, but you’ve pulled it off.  The only thing that takes away from the plot is where L.Joe and Teen Top comes in.  You could’ve gotten by without involving Teen Top.  



Enjoyment: 5/5


A fun read.



Total: 76/100


Bonus: 5/5


Originality.  



Grand Total: 81/100


General Comments:


Honestly, this was one of the better stories on AFF.  Some people complain that AFF is a place where good fanfiction is hard to come by, but I think that this story goes against that statement.  The only thing that really brought you down would be the spelling/grammar.  Take time to edit your errors, or ask a friend/parent/teacher to help you.
I don’t know if this was the score you were going for, but thank you for requesting a review!  Sorry for taking forever to finish it, though.