Title 3/5: 

I like your title but it was too vague, I didn’t get anything from reading the title that would really tell me about the story.

Description/Forward: 0/10

                Description~ 0/5: I had to take all the points off because of grammar.

There were two girls who were twins, Lee Eun Hee, and Lee Eun Mi are twins (insert are twins). Youwere are (insert are) Lee Eun Mi, who was born after your twin sister, Lee Eun Hee. You both reallylooked alike each other, until everyone confused (revise until everyone confused). The different difference (change different to difference) between you and Eun Hee (insert and Eun Hee) is that(insert is that) both was that you were are (insert are) silent quiet (change silent to quiet) and a (insert a) nice girl, while Eun Hee was is an (insert is an) arrogant girl. Eun Hee and you went to attend the (insert attend the) same university, Donkuk University, but have (insert have) different classes (change class to classes). Everyone in university knew knows (change knew to knows) that Eun Hee and you were are (insert are) twins except HyungSik, and Min Woo. Eun Hee was so is the (insert is the) famous one in the university because of her persona, being a (insert being a) Gorgeous princess.

Min Woo and you both have (insert both have) had crushes (change crush to crushes) on each other, but you both have (insert have) never confessed to (insert to) each other, (take out the ,)because you and Min Woo were both (insert both) too shy. HyungSik had has (insert has) a (insert a) crush on Eun Hee. One day, he proposed Eun Hee, but got rejected. After HyungSik got rejected, what would will (change would to will) he do?

Forward ~ 0/5 : 

You didn’t tell me anything about the story through the forward.

Poster/Background ~10/10 :

I liked the style and how it showed the main characters.

Characterization ~ 15/15 : 

I liked how the twins are different and you built up the other characters well too.

Spelling/Grammar ~ 10/20 :  

from first chapter

Eun Hee always wore and bought things that were the (insert that were the) as same as yours. You let her to do what did she wanted (change want to wanted) since you both werestill kids (change kid to kids). But now (insert now) since (insert since) you were now a (insert a) 21 years old, who studies (change studied to studies) in university, you becamewere (insert were) sick of it.

“Unnie, (capitalize Unnie) can you change your outfit?” you begged EunHee.

“No!” Eun Hee refused. (Capitalize No)

“But (insert but)you never change yourself  (change yourself to your) outfit (insert outfit) since we still were (insert were) kids (pluralize kids).” You pouted then.

“Ahh (capitalize Ahh), I don’t have a time to change my outfit. Or, We’re (change weto We’re) will going to (insert going to) be late.” Eun hee said.

“Ah (capitalize Ah), alright.” You gave up then, and couldn’t didn’t (change couldn’t to didn’t) fight her back.

“Before we leave, can you change your attitude? You are always being a (insert a) silent girl. from we were in primary school until now.” Eun Hee wanted to see you to change yourself.

“Hmm.. (Capitalize Hmm)” you couldn’t didn’t know what to (insert didn’t know what to)say, (take out the ,) because what did Eun hee say said (insert said) that was so true, but you knew you (insert knew you) couldn’t change.

Eun hee looked at her watch, “Ah, it’s 7.00am already.” (Capitalize Ah)

Thirty minutes later, you both reached Donkuk University. You were about to leave Eun Hee for art class, but suddenly Eun Hee stopped you (insert stopped you) tried to prevent you from went to the art class.

“What do you want?” you asked, staring at Eun Hee, “Aigoo, I will be late.” (Capitalize What and Aigoo)

“Yah (capitalize), it’s that’s (change it’s to tahat’s) my bag that you take took (change take to took). Here’s your bag.” Eun hee said, handing you your bag (insert ,handing you your bag). Apparently you took bag which didn’t belong to you.

“I’m sorry.” You sighed, gave returned (change gave to returned) her bag back (insert back) to her, and took your bag from her. Then, you left.(insert left.) leave her.

Five minutes later, you reached the your (change the to your) art class. The teacher was still not coming there (change coming to there) yet. Then, So (insert So)you went to your seat,(take out the ,)and sat.

“Eun Mi?” someone called your name.

You gazed at the (inser the) someone person (change someone to person) who called your name, “Min Woo?”

“yeah?” Min Woo sat next to you then.

You just kept on being silent. Min Woo kept staring at you.

“I’m sorry, I can’t confess right now, because I’m too shy.” Min Woo said in his heart as he stared at you.

“this guy know how to make me crazy for loving him.” You said in your heart.

Three hours later, its break time for the (insert the) students (pluralize students). Hyungsik grabbed Eun Hee’s hand, and then went to the garden.

“yah, why do did (change do to did) you bring me here?” Eun Hee glared at Hyungsik. “Stop being so nice to me.”

Suddenly hyungsik knelt down in front Eun Hee, and then he grabbed Eun Hee’s both hands.

“yah, what are you doing?” Eun Hee was shocked.

“Even you are arrogant girl, I will love you forever.” Hyungsik started to confess his feelings (plurialize feelings) to Eun Hee, but suddenly was (insert was) interrupted by Eun Hee.

“yah, what are you saying?” Eun Hee rolled her eyes.

Hyungsik stared at Eun Hee, “Eun Hee, I’m falling in love with you. that’s why I’m always being with you, or disturbing you everyday.. Will you be my girl friend?”

“psh~ I won’t be your girlfriend, dude.” Eun Hee glared at Hyungsik.

Hyungsik was shocked after Eun hee rejected him, but he begged Eun Hee then to give him a chance. Eun hee still rejected him.

“Don’t ever propose me anymore. I don’t like stupid guys (pluralize guys) like you.” Eun Hee warned.

“what?” Hyungsik asked, “what did you say?”

“I will never love a (insert a) stupid guy like you, get it?” Eun Hee said.

Hyungsik couldn’t believe, so he got up and immediately kissed Eun Hee on lips harshly. Eun Hee then broke the kiss and then, slapped Hyungsik on face.

“you’re You’re a (change you’re to You’re a) LOSER!” Hyungsik shed tears after heard ofwhat Eun Hee said.

Eun Hee then leave left (insert left) Hyungsik alone.

A week later, Hyungsik pretended to be taxi driver. He saw that girl (revise that girl) who walked off from university, “ here you are!”

Hyungsik then wore the a(insert a)mask. That girl got in, “Seoul Subway Line 3.”

“okay.” Hyungsik then started to drive but (insert but) he didn’t send her off to Seoul Subway Line 3.

“yah, it’s not the way to Seoul Subway Line 3.” That girl panicked.

“opps, sorry.” Huyungsik smirked.

Two hours later, hyungsik brought that girl to the hotel. Before they went in the hotel, Hyungsik warned that girl to be quiet. Then, they went in, and Hyungsik went to receptionist to reserve a room, and got the key.

“here we arrived.” Hyungsik dragged that girl to the room. he closed and locked the door.

“who are you?” that girl started to ask with a tone of nervous.

Hyungsik didn’t reply, and threw that girl to the bed. That girl was startled.

“Eun Hee, you will get my punishment.” Hyungsik mumbled.

“what?” that girl said and then, got up..

“I will get my revenge, Eun Hee.” hyungSik then took his mask off.

“ahh, I’m not Eun-” actually that girl was you, but HyungSik cut off your word by said and slapped you on face, “shut up!”

Hyungsik started to take your blouse and pants off, leaving you only with your bra and underwear. You were startled, and then you shed tears.

“aw, arrogant girl became pity girl?” Hyungsik chuckled.

“Your body is too y~” Hyungsik smirked, and took his shirt and pants off. Only thing showing was his boxer. He landed right on top of your waist

“No~ please?” you cried. Hyungsik ignored you. Then, you pushed him until he fell off bed.

“ouch!” hyungsik got up, and ripped off your bra and underwear. He took his boxer off, revealing . You both were fully now.

Hyungsik took your wrists and tied it. He went down then to your legs and tied them to the foot of the bed. Then Hyungsik was top on you. You closed your eyes as you shed tears. You couldn’t fight because you were tied down. He started to on your lip, going down to your , and lastly, your .

“let- ahh~” You suddenly moaned lightly.

“ready?” he started to insert his finger on your .

“DAMN! STOP IT!” you felt so pain. Hyungsik stopped , and then he inserted his finger on your harder and faster. You let out a moan as his finger in and out of your .

“ You~ now its your punish time." Hyungsik inserted to your as you could feel the head of at yours. then was inside you.

“you are so tight~” Hyungsik screamed while you were in pain as you shed tears.

“can you s-.” you were cut off by Hyungsik who ing in and out of your .

***** there were so many capitalization errors so I corrected the first few but you need to read theough it and fix the others.

*** I liked your first chapter so I gave you 10 points but I took 10 points of because of grammar mistakes

Flow ~ 10/10 :

It flowed very good to the different situations/scenes/days.

Originality/Plot ~ 20/25 : 

I liked the uniqueness of the two twins being so different but Hyungsik Eun Mi was unrealistic.

Enjoyment ~ 3/5 : 

I honestly enjoyed the idea of the story but it was frustrating to read because of the grammar mistakes.

Total ~ 71/100

Bonus ~ 5/5 : 

your readers seemed to like your fic, also I felt that you worked really hard even though enlish isn’t your first language.

Grand Total ~ 76/100

General Comments ~ 

Keep trying to improve your grammar and writing J good luck.

Reviewed by 1234cve