Title: -3/5


I was so confused when I first read it. I thought ‘wait so is there going to be painting in the sky or something?’ but then I looked at you poster and I was like ‘oh so is the main character going to be a makeup artist or something?’

It’s a very interesting title but it’s a little odd too but that’s okay. I also find it kind of vague and confusing, perhaps in the future try using something with simpler wording.


Description/Foreword: -3/10


Description: 3/5

I like the description, it was very informative but there were a few grammar mistakes:

She's given the dream job, but not HER dream job. Maybe years ago it was her dream job (insert it was her dream job, this just makes the sentence clearer.), but she's grown up......or has she?

Also you shouldn’t start sentences with the word ‘and’.

Forward: 0/5

You didn’t give me an inside look of your story or anything I could really work with.

Also it can be annoying at times when the authors leave really long side notes, try to fix that in the future.

Poster/Background: -9/10

I really liked your poster. It was very unique and eye-catching but you should have included the main character in it. It would have helped the readers relate to the story more.


Characterization: -15/15


Overall I liked all your characters even though you used some clichés like kyuhyun being evil. You made each character fit into the story without just randomly throwing them in.

Adele: I didn’t really know what to think of her. At first I kind of though her character was flawed in the clichéd way (having family issues) but I warmed up to her as I continued reading.

Emma: She seems to truly want the best for her cousin and I feel that she has every right to nag of scold Adele because of her immature actions at times. I like her character so far.

Yesung: This is the first fic I read that has Yesung as a more important character. All I can really tell from him is that he really likes Adele. You should possible have the two interact more.

Kyuhyun: Ah the evil maknae, my ultimate bias. I love everything about his character.

Sungmin: Is he a creeper? He kind of seems like it. You should have him and adele interact more so I can read more creepy moments. :P

Henry: omg he’s just so cute! I jump up and down like him too when I’m nervous but I don’t look cute L. He seems so pure and innocent which can be annoying sometimes for me but I really like Henry in this fic.

Heechul: my other bias, I love him. And I feel that you created his character perfectly. Just the way he responds coldly without thinking and how he’s more kind at heart when he lets Adele sleep on his shoulder.

Ryeowook: I like his character too. He’s cute and innocent in a way but he’s also super wise. Example: He doesn’t really believe Adeles lies about how she knows he cooks all the time.

The others: Donghae, Eunhyuk, Siwon, Leeteuk, Shindong: You haven’t really told me much about them. I figured that they weren’t the main characters.


Spelling/Grammar: -15/20


I liked your first chapter. Adele and her gibberish was totally funny. So you get 10 points for the good first chapter and you get 5 points for grammar (I took 5 points off)

Grammar mistakes: from the first chapter

I stepped out of the door (of what? A plane? You should specify) to the ramp and looked around the airport.


“GAH! Emma, I’m fine! You’re gunna going to (change gunna to going to)make me deaf, aish!”


“Emma, is there anything else or are you just gunna going to (change gunna to going to) nit-pick on everything I do?”


“Speaking of your parents, you should really call them to let you know that you landed safely; (change the , to a ;) they were really worried since you didn’t call them when you left.

I walked in the front door (of what? Specify) and into the lobby, and saw a lot of people milling around.


Flow: -10/10


The flow of your fic is very good. You haven’t rushed anything and are building up the different relationships very well.


Originality/Plot: -20/25


The plot is somewhat clichéd (my opinion) but it’s forming a very good story because you used all these clichés to support the main plot the surrounds Adele. Even though the story isn’t that far along I can see it either becoming really interesting with a lot of twists and turns or just becoming boring. I hope you go with the first option.


Enjoyment: -5/5


I enjoyed your fic a lot even though at first I thought ‘great another clichéd suju fic that I’ve already read a thousand times’ (no offense I love suju) but as I read on I got in and couldn’t stop until I finished reading.


Total: -80/100


Bonus: 3/5


I was very glad you built up your story and gave it a good foundation for your story. I also liked how you had story titles, they helped support the story, I also liked all your different chapter display pictures.


Grand Total: 83/100


General Comments:

You should try explaining outfits instead of inserting a hyperlink. Also you should stop leaving such big author notes; they can be annoying at times when they’re not really necessary.

Overall I enjoyed your fic, keep writing!

reviewed by 1234cve