Title: 4/5
Your title is somewhat eye-catching.  If I saw it, I would click on it only if I was bored.

Description/Foreword: 6/10
You have a lot of sentence fragments, but it may just be your style of writing.  The thing with fragments and run-ons is that there really isn’t a rule when it comes down to fanfiction.  In the last sentence, your ellipsis should only be … instead of …...............

The ~~~~~~ thing doesn’t really cut it.  Some people will never fit the description of ~~~~~~~~, therefore rendering it useless.  You should’ve given your person a first name, since you’ve given her a last name.  Your character descriptions aren’t necessary, assuming that everything will be explained in the story itself.

Poster/Background: 9/10
The characters are blended a bit awkwardly.  Other than that, your poster is good.

Characterization: 11/15
Your characters are all basically exact replicas of what you’ve listed in your character descriptions.  Many look for changes while analyzing characters, but there doesn’t seem to be much change in yours.  Joongki also seems a bit too feminine; don’t you think that skipping around the mall while squealing is a bit too much?

Spelling/Grammar: 17/20
Your spelling, overall, is decent.  There aren’t that many spelling errors, which makes my heart dance in glee.  For the most part, just make sure that your ellipses are only three … instead of a random amount.
Also, using Korean words to get the point across is fine when used sparingly, but you tend to use them quite a few times in every chapter.

Flow: 7/10
Two things throw off your flow.  First, your formatting.  Each character’s dialogue must be separated by paragraph.  You have a few very long paragraphs throughout your fic that could be separated into shorter paragraphs that are easier to read.  Second, the colors that you use.  Try to stick to black--or a dark blue, I suppose--because those colors draw less complaints from readers than say, red.

Originality/Plot: 20/25
It was quite original until the last chapter you’ve posted.  The Boyfriend guys are going to be classmates with ~~~~~~.  That addition will change the direction of your story greatly--instead of interactions only in Second Life, they’ll now be interacting face-to-face in school as well.  You have a solid plot, so make sure to develop it as best as you can.  This is an interesting idea, but you can’t survive on the idea alone.  Make sure you write to the best of your abilities.

Enjoyment: 5/5
For the most part, it was, indeed, enjoyable.

Total: 79/100

General Comments:
Oh gosh, I’m so sorry that it took so long to get back to you on this!  However, I’m done with school for the week--before I return for summer school--so I finally found the time to update.  I’m sure you weren’t expecting this kind of score, and for that, I apologize.  Thanks for requesting a review, and I’m sorry that it took so long!