Title: 0/5:

Your title is too plain. I don’t know whether it’s a person or place or if it’s a girl named June who falls over. Also it doesn’t tell us anything about what we are about to read.

Description/Forward: 6/10

                Description 5/5: wow I loved it, it’s exactly what I look for in a description because it sets up the story and shows something will happen.

Forward ~ 1/5 :

I leaned against theatree, staring at the sky. (change theto a)

This was it,the last day of April,after a few more hours the dreadful moments will come back. (make it a run on sentence instead of breaking it up, it ooks better.)

All the thoughts that made me think of nothing but sadness. (make the word thatnot at)

My  tearsTears dripped down onto my cheeks and dried away. (take away My, captialize the T in tears and add in down.)

I left after a few more minutes without saying a single word.

Yep,June. It always reminded me of something. (take out the Yep, it makes the next sentence sound/feel funny to me, the Yep is not needed.)

ThatI am alone. (add in the That)

I really liked your forword but the grammar mistakes took a lot off the grade.

Poster/Background ~ 8/10 :

I really liked your poster, it caught my eye immediately but you should have the title be more clearer and the ‘I hate June’ quote bigger.

Characterization ~ 12/15 :

(10 points for Yuri because her character was very unique with her depression, but 3 points were taken off because you didn’t really expand the other characters but they were still good considering it was a one-shot.)

Spelling/Grammar ~ 10/20 :

I just did the first part before you changed to 3^rdperson POV.

(10 point because I felt that your fanfic was very creative, I’ve never read anything like it before. I took 10 points off for your grammar.)

Yuri's Pov

I leaned against theatree, staring at the sky. (change theto a)

This was it,the last day of April,after a few more hours the dreadful moments will come back. (make it a run on sentence instead of breaking it up, it ooks better.)

All the thoughts that made me think of nothing but sadness. (make the word thatnot at)

My  tearsTears dripped down onto my cheeks and dried away. (take away My, captialize the T in tears and add in down.)

Yep,June. It always reminded me of something. (take out the Yep, it makes the next sentence sound/feel funny to me, the Yep is not needed.)

ThatI am alone. (add in the That)

June was the month- (could take out, it’s not needed)

So many bad lucksthingshappened just because of June. (take out lucks replace with things)

I'm sure this year June would give mesomethingsuffering too.

I walked passedpast( change passed to past)the streets lifelessly, glancing at all the children eating ice creams with their playmates and couples walkeding(change to walking)on the streets holding hands.

No one even(move here)bothered to evenlook at me.

But... my question will never getit'sitsanswer... (take out the ‘)

"Err.... no." YuriIsaid, looking at the ground. (change Yuri to I)

"You should eat something(add in thing). Pretty girls need to grow taller." He said and started to laugh.

Flow ~ 8/10 :

I was kind of choppy at times but that made your story unique, not many fics are like this.

Originality/Plot ~25/25 :

the plot/originality was very good.

Enjoyment ~ 4/5 :

I liked your fic but it was a little choppy at times (that frustrates me)

Total ~ 73/100

Bonus ~5/5 :

because I liked your fic and liked how it wasn’t a clichéd happily ever after type of story.

Grand Total ~ 78/100 = 78%

General Comments ~

work on making your paragraphs less choppy.

review by 1234cve