Title: 5/5


This will catch readers eyes when they skim for a new fanfic.  It’s almost wordy, but it somehow works and fits the fic well.


Description/Foreword: 8/10


There are some things that you should fix here.  However, it’s mostly grammar.  On content, you did well.
After getting hit by a confetti egg by his cousin, Junsu, (Take out the comma after cousin)
Yunho's determined to get him back, (Change the comma to a period.)
but unfortunately, things take another turn.  (Capitalize but or take it out.)
Yes, SLIME. (Italicize instead of caps lock.)
The green, sticky substance they poured on people on Nickelodeon. (This is interesting, yet has no relevance to the story, assuming everyone knows what slime is.)
Yunho glared at his cousin, Kim Junsu, (Take out the comma after cousin.)
laughing  like (Odd spacing between the two words.)
"I'll get you back, hyung. I'll get you back!" (Just to clarify, Junsu’s the hyung here?)



Poster/Background: --/10


Since the poster here is just a picture of cotton candy, it will not be counted toward your score.



Characterization: 15/15


The characters seemed realistic and brightened up your story.  Because they seem so real, this will help to attract more readers.  People don’t enjoy stories that have characters that seem too perfect.  The one thing I noticed, however, was the fact that Yoochun wasn’t mentioned in the oneshot.  No points will be docked off for this.



Spelling/Grammar: 14/20


He didn’t know what hit him until, well, it hit him; and while he was eating cotton candy too. (Take out the semi-colon.)


17-year-old Jung Yunho glared angrily at his cousin, Junsu, who was busy rolling on the floor laughing his off like a maniac. (Take out the comma after cousin because it isn’t necessary.  It will only disrupt the flow.)


Yes, honey, slime. (You don’t need to underline and italicize it.  Just choose one, preferably italicize it.)


Standing above Junsu was Kim Jaejoong, who was not only Junsu’s best friend; he was Yunho’s crush too. (You should either take out the semi colon and add ‘but’, or split this into two sentences.)


“My good friend, Jae- let’s go get us some cotton candy!” (No dash after Jae.  Instead, take out the comma after friend and put one after Jae.)


“Um…,” Yunho stared at the 18-year-old,” are you okay man? Look, I’m sorry, I thought you were-“ (Change the comma after 18-year-old to a period.  Capitalize the a in are.)


You know what, Junsu? I'm DEFINITELY getting you back! (Definately shouldn’t be italicized if you want to emphasize it.)


Yunho watched in surprise as a hand dipped down and took a small bite from the pink treat. (In this sentence, hands don’t take bites from cotton candy.)


The said boy looked up and swallowed the sweet dessert before lightly stealing the whole cone from Yunho’s grip. (What do you mean by ‘the said boy’?  Is this a typo?)


“Payback for mistaking me as Junsu,” he smiled before walking away, leaving Yunho wondering what the heck just happened. (Smiling isn’t a verbal action.)


There are some tense errors here too.  For example, you switching between present and past tense a bit throughout the story.  That’s something to look out for when you edit any story.



Flow: 9/10


Your flow is excellent; there isn’t anything to point out.  It wasn’t too fast, where readers can’t understand it, but it wasn’t too slow, where readers get bored to death.  Good job.  Although, instead of the XXX thing you have, try adding in transitional words/phrases at times.



Originality/Plot: 24/25
Anyone could tell that this was an original plot.  It went against many cliches and brought up things that would have never been thought of otherwise.  Original plots like this don’t come around often.  Nice job.



Enjoyment: 5/5


If anything, write another chapter!



Total: 80/90 --> 
89/100



Bonus: 5/5


An original plot plus realistic characters?  It’s hard to believe, but you’ve pulled it off.



Grand Total: 85/90
 --> 94/100



General Comments:


This story is very well-written.  If not for your spelling/grammar, you would have gotten an even higher score.  Congratulations on getting an ‘A’ grade on the review; you deserved it.  Thank you for requesting a review, and remember to proofread!