Title: 5/5: 

I really liked it (eye-catching) and it told us that something awesome was going to happen.

Description/Forward: 5/10

                Description 0/5: I really like the description but I had to take all the description points away because of grammar.

You are Jewel (last name?) . a , a (change . a to , a) very protecting and caring unnie to your little sister Jihyun. You are were (change are to were) born in korea (capitalize the K on korea) but decided to leave after your parents divorce. Since then, you always have that a (change that to a) happy mask on your face wherever you go. And (never start a sentence with and) now (capitalize the n on now), you find yourself going back to the one (insert one) place you least want to be (say why you’re going back), only to meet a guy whose habit is insulting others, (insert ,) and who thinking (change thinks to thinking) highly of himself, and (insert and)that will do everything to destroy all those the (insert the) defenses you tried so hard (insert tried so hard) so try to build all your life.

Forward ~ 4/5 : 

There’s a few capitalization problems but you can go look for those. Overall I liked the forward.

Poster/Background ~ 10/10 : 

It’s good because it shows us the characters and a meaningful quote about the story. Also the fact tha the girl is between two guys could possibly fortell that there is a love triangle.

Characterization ~ 15/15 : 

I really liked Jewel’s character because she struggled so much but for her sisters sake she held everything in.

Spelling/Grammar ~ 10/20 : 

of first chapter (10 points because I really liked the first chapter but 10 points off because of bad grammar)

(insert the dream before this to clarify) I'm fully awake now after that dream., (change the . to a ,) thanks (un-capitalize the t) to my sister who keeps kept (change keeps to kept) on hitting me until I (capitalize the i) woke up. It really hurts but I'll let her go. Have i (capitalize i) told you how much I (capitalize) love my sister so much? Well yeah. She’s (change shes to she’s) the reason I live. I breathe only for her. I'll do everything to make her happy.

"Ouch! ouch!(capital the o in ouch) I'm awake! stop!(capitalize the s in stop)" I grabbed the bag that she used in to (insert to) hitting me. Wait! This isn't her bag! Did she just... (don’t make new paragraph) "Did you just hit me with my own bag?" I looked menacingly at her,(insert ,) preparing to hit her too.

"Sorry.." she giggled cutely. 

Argh! Stop doing that! Instead of hitting her, I hugged her tightly. She acted as if she can’t (change cant to can’t) breathe so i(capitalize i) let her go. She’s (change shes to she’s) really a pain in the but I love her so..so..so..much. I'll do anything for her and it includes going back here (where? Insert where).

The dream suddenly popped back in my head. Sigh. Why did i(capital) dream of that boy again? Yeah.I(capitalize i) always dream of him. When I say always, I mean always, as in every time i went go (insert go) to sleep.

Sigh. He never fails (change fail to fails) to remind me of that promise i(capitalize i) made. I won’t (change wont to won’t) forget okay?? How could I, if you’re (change your to you’re) constantly reminding me in my sleep? I hear a blurred voice, more like singing, while I'm thinking but I'm not really sure where it came from.

"we're here! we're here! (capitalize w in we’re) Yey! We're here!" Jihyun sang. So, it was her voice I was hearing. I look around and there’s (change theres to there’s) no denying that we're really here.

Jihyun looks really happy. What is there to be happy about being back in Korea? I frowned. I couldn't hear Jihyun singing anymore, I wonder what's wrong. I ly to see her worried face. God! I hate it when she’s(change shes to she’s) worried. But she's the reason we're here anyway.I wouldn't be here if it weren't for her. But i(capitalize) really hate seeing her sad. I'll do anything to make her happy even sacrificing my own life.

"Unnie,are you alright? We could go back you know...I'm okay if...you don't have to..." staring on the car floor.(separate carfloor to car floor)

"ayy(capitalize a)..what (capitalize w) are you talking about? I’m (change Im to I’m) happy were back!" I said, wearing that happy mask on my face I always wear ever since that day I so try to wipe off my memory.(revise this sentence into better wording) If only it could be that easy.

She smiled when she saw me smiling happily. It worked, it always work. She never knew of my mask, I think. But even if (insert if) she does, she has (insert has) never show any sign to me. Well, I (capitalize) already perfected the mask, that wide smile, bright eyes and jolly voice. I seldom use my mask in front (separate infront to in front) of Jihyun, there’s (change theres to there’s) no reason to, coz I'm genuinely happy when I'm with her. I just use it to her when she's worried at me. I often use it in front of others. Life's easier that way. Or so i(capitalize) thought.

But, damn..We're back! We're back to the place where it all started. The reason why I have this mask on.

Flow ~ 10/10 : i

t was good because you identified when time had passed and identified the POV when it changed.

Originality/Plot ~ 25/25 :

I could definitely tell that this fic would be like something that I had never read before. It seemed unique and well planned.

Enjoyment ~ 5/5 :

Total ~ 85/100

Bonus ~ 5/5 : 

There were a lot of chapters, showing that you have put a lot of effort into your story.

Grand Total ~ 90/100

General Comments ~ 

congrats on the 90% you deserve it for all your hard work J. You just need to work on your grammar/capitalization.

Reviewed by 1234cve