Title 5/5: 

unique, eye-catching. I wanted to read more after I read the title

Description/Forward: 0/10

                Description~ 0/5

If it is all based on "friendliness", Dara's friend Yongbae, which who (change which to who) is a doctor is number one for it. He is a total 'antonym' of his cousin Jiyong.

It takes million of dollars to have a glimpse of Jiyong's smile (this seems unrealistic), the summer is coming more often than his smile (re-word this), (that is how much he didn't doesn’t (change didn’t to doesn’t) smile).

On the other hand Dara herself didn't doesn’t (change didn’t to doesn’t) know why she is (insert is) falling (change fall to falling) for that guy. She herself doesn't know what does her heart sees in him that it just keeps on ramming wild inside her chest everytime she will see him. (Re-write the last sentence it’s really confusing!)

On her perpective in life, she taught that Jiyong will would (change will to would) certainly fall for her because shehave has (change have to has) the beauty, brains, kind heart and killer-legs; a Goddess indeed. but despite of all those things, she let out all her charms, but still, it doesn't affect him at all..

Oh no. This will be a BIG problem.

** You really need to re-write this, the wording is very uncomfortable. Find a new way to explain this.

Forward ~ 0/5 : 

2 points off for grammar and 3 points off because you didn’t give a very good forward of the story.

Grammar:

" When I saw you walking away from me, that is was (insert was)the time I realized that I can’t (change cant to can’t) live without you. "

Poster/Background ~10/10 :

I liked the style and it showed that there was going to be a love triangle.

Characterization ~ 10/15 : 

each character was plotted out well. But you need to give us alittle more insit into their friendships/relationships. Also there aren’t any risqué characters, so if you ever want to make a story unique you could add an odd character.

Spelling/Grammar ~ 11/20 :  

from first chapter

3 points off for bad grammar

2 point off because you would start a new paragraph when the same person was still talking.

2 point off because you often didn’t specify who was talking, which made the chapter confusing.

2 points off because you started your story off in a weird way, the marriage proposal was too soon, you should have built up to it.

Grammar:

Dara almost choked to death when she heard those words (change word to words) from her Doctor friend, Yongbae.

"Ayyy." He then sat down on his chair and wandered his eyes all throughout (change trough out to throughout) their hospital's cafeteria.

"You don’t (change don’t to don’t) like me? And all this time I thought that you had a crush on me."

Flow ~ 5/10 : 

it seemed like you would just stop the chapter in the middle of a conversation and then continue it in the next chapter, that’s something you shouldn’t do. The flow of the story was good but you started it off without giving us any previous information about the story/characters other thatn the description.

Originality/Plot ~ 20/25 : 

You plot seems pretty unique/original but I can’t really tell whats going to happen from what I’ve read so far (12 chapters)

Enjoyment ~ 3/5 : 

I honestly enjoyed the idea of the story but it was frustrating to read because of the choppiness of the chapters and the grammar mistakes.

Total ~ 64/100

Bonus ~ 5/5 : 

your readers seemed to like your fic, also I felt that you worked really hard.

Grand Total ~ 69/100 = 69%

General Comments ~ 

you need to build up to a story, I felt like yours started too soon, there were a few grammar and paragraph mistakes, also don’t separate your chapters when you don’t need to. And you need to say who’s talking once and while because if you don’t everything becomes confusing to the reader.

Keep trying to improve your grammar and writing J good luck.

Reviewed by 1234cve