Title: 4/5


To be blunt, your title gives away a big part of the plot.



Description/Foreword: 9/10


Maybe you could’ve switched the description with the foreword.  Everything up to the author’s note in the foreword seems catchier than what you have in the description.



This is not a story about a guy who found his dead girlfriend's diary and now he's going to read through it and see her every thought. <--Your verb tense switches from the past tense (found) to the present tense (is going).  There are other small verb tense issues, but nothing too major.



A door opening, a vault that I have kept locked up for ages.  <--This isn’tt really a sentence.


"Hyesun, come on. It's not that bad." I hear myself say. <--The period after “bad” should be a comma.


Men don't cry, Key. <--You could italicize this because it’s Key’s thoughts.


Brain Cancer <--Lowercase letters.


Because, he never got one. <--No comma is neccessary.



Poster/Background: 10/10


The girl’s head is blended a bit awkwardly, but the poster captures the right emotions for the story.



Characterization: 14/15


One of a few stories that try to make Key seem more like a normal human being.  To some readers, the serious concept is something they’d like to see more of.



Spelling/Grammar: 18/20


day dreaming <--One word.


Summer <--Lowercase


There are three kinds of flowers that describe my beloved; Lilacs, Larkspurs, and Orchids. <--Instead of a semi colon, you could use a plain old colon.  Also, flower names aren’t capitalized in this situation.


The one person that both me and Hyesun trust. <--“me and Hyesun” should be “Hyesun and I”.



Flow: 8/10


You tend to slow down in certain parts that don’t need to be slowed down.  



Originality/Plot: 22/25


The plot twists are interesting.  They keep the reader wanting more because your story was pretty original to begin with.  Great job coming up with a more than decent plotline!



Enjoyment: 5/5


Enjoying the fact that he has to find the parts of her diary to read it.  But who hid it?



Total: 90/100



Bonus: 5/5


Props to you for writing in the present tense and sticking with it.



Grand Total: 95/100



General Comments:


Your stories are impressive; I’ve read The Key to the Master Bedroom and In Love With an Idol.  This hasn’t failed to impress.  The way you string words together and keep things interesting is why I’m so fascinated with your stories.  The review is on the shorter side because there isn’t really anything to point out.
Thank you for requesting a review, and I’m sorry that it took a long time to complete.  My co-author still hasn’t come online, and with schoolwork...