Title: 3/5

The title gave away the plot, but after reading it, the title fit the story.

Description & Foreword: 7/10


The description is fine because it gives a short introduction to your oneshot.  There are a few grammatical things you could fix.
After all – (change the hyphen to a comma)
...I’m never going to be that naïve again. (you don’t need an ellipsis here) 

However, the foreword isn’t really a foreword.  You should try to relate the fiction to yourself here.  And the smiley emoticon makes the foreword informal.  So if you fix these, it should be fine.



Poster/Background: 9/10


All right!  Very impressed with the poster.  It was simple, yet it made sense.  And that’s what matters.



Characterization: 14/15 


The characters seem real.  Except the girl seems a bit too naive.  Only one point was docked because everything else was good.



Spelling/Grammar: 5/20


I’m in it for the win; in it to win it; whatever you want to say. (Semi-colons are used to join two complete sentences/independent clauses.  If you find that you have trouble with semi-colons, stick to the comma or treat each part like its own sentence.  Think to yourself: is this a sentence?  If it isn’t, then do not use a semi-colon here.)

I'm going to get Lee Jinki, a.k.a. Onew, from Shinee, one of the most popular bands in South Korea.  (The overuse of commas makes this part of the sentence sound awkward.  Since a lot of people know SHINee, we feel you could take the part about SHINee being popular out.)

We noticed that you use 'Shinee' in a certain place and 'SHINee' in another place.  Stick to one version.  

After all, I, Lee SunHi, sister of Lee Taemin, hang out with them practically all the time, so this is something I've come to terms with.  (The comma problem again.  Let's see, we think you could remove 'Lee Sunhi, sister of Lee Taemin' because it was already mentioned in the description/foreword.)

What is, is the fact that I’m going to win Onew over (The 'is' is redundant here.  We get what you're trying to say, but it sounds awkward.)

God man (The cross out of words is unnecessary.  But it isn't that big of a deal.)

He allowed Kim Jonghyun and Kim Kibum, his other band members/friends, do the talking (If you use the word allowed, then add a 'to' in front of 'do the talking'.  Or you could change allowed to let, and the sentence will be fine.)

I mean – sure, I’m his noona, and he’s my dongsaeng, and I love him dearly and all, but...he’s pretty oblivious.  (This is like four independent clauses slapped into one sentence.  A better idea is to split this into two sentences.  E.g. I mean sure, I'm his noona, and he's my dongsaeng.  I love him dearly and all, but he's pretty oblivious.) 

And then,(Usually starting sentences with 'and' is wrong, but it's more common in fanfiction)

when Onew has fallen in love for me and professed his love (The word love seems redundant here.)

our love would be too strong (Change would to will to stay in present tense)

would keep on meeting (Same here for the word would.)

Although, eventually, (Either remove the comma between the two words or use one word or the other.)

and be so moved by it (Add the subject 'he' after the and to make the comma use correct.)

...but I’m pretty sure that it’s been done millions of times. (Capitalize 'but')

Doesn’t matter! (Add 'it' before 'doesn't' or else this isn't a complete sentence.)

Onew and I (If you take out 'and I', we think the sentence will make more sense.)

obliviousness (We think that oblivion is a better choice here.)

but also terribly cliché. (change 'but' to 'and') 

Yes – it’s time to focus, because this will require all of my focusing skills! (No hyphen, use a comma.  You can't join two sentences with the word 'because' so take the comma out.)

Noona~ (This ~ should be replaced with a comma.  But since this isn't that big, it doesn't matter as much.)

Taemin asked, skipping up to me, bright smile on his face. (Add 'a' before bright.)

Ooh~ (Again with the ~ and only use one 'O')

when you’re finished making it (Finished is past tense and making is present tense.  So change it to when you finish making it.)

His sad puppy dog face – he knows that that always makes me weak in the knees! (I think that the italics only needs to be used on the word 'knows'.  And the 'that that' is awkward.  You could change it to he knows that it always makes me weak in the knees.)

This chicken is for Onew and Onew only, nobody else! (You may take out 'nobody else' here because it is already emphasized in context.)

Soo... (Only one 'o' necessary.  And the ellipsis here is unnecessary)

so, yeah. (This sort of ruins the quality of the sentence.)

Now, shoo, my little oblivious dongsaeng~ there’s work for me to do. (We think the shoo is unnecessary, put a period after dongsaeng, and capitalize there's.)

I blinked at his retreating back, confused. (Instead of 'back' you could use form?)

He obviously hadn’t meant for me to have heard him (Have heard should be: He obviously hadn't meant for me to hear him.)

So...what had he meant with those words? (Fixed: So what did mean mean by those words?)

What are his thoughts concerning Onew and I? (It should be Onew and me.)

Positive, negative, in between?(Fixed: Positive?  Negative?  In between?)

I thought he was known for his cuteness, not mysteriousness! (This sentence isn't needed.)

He needs to leave that mysteriousness aspect for Minho (Take out mysteriousness here.)

to-be-hubby(Should be soon-to-be-hubby.)

...it wouldn’t hurt to eat some of it, would it?(Capitalize the 'i' in 'it'.  Instead of would it, use something else.)

swivelled(Should be swiveled.)

dishevelled(Should be disheveled) 

Dumb – how could I have woken him?   (Should be one word.  No need for the dash; capitalize how.  And when talking to yourself, don't you use 'you' instead of 'I'?  Or is it just us?)

shy types(Since it's only talking about Minho, then types should be type.)

but my indifferent, unaffected mask was cracking, breaking so quickly (Add an 'and' before breaking and get rid of the comma before breaking.)

Along with that mystery girl, who Onew appears to be dating. (We don't really understand this sentence.)

Yes – we didn’t want to tell you about her because you were so...well, you liked Onew hyung a lot. (No hyphen after 'yes'; instead, use a comma.)

Taemin dongsaeng (Usually it would be Taemin-ah.  But this doesn't matter.  Just thought I'd point it out.)

aren’t so oblivious as you think they are (Should be 'aren't as oblivious')

while Onew was going around with his girlfriend while trying his best to not hurt my feelings. (Instead of 'while trying', use 'and trying'.)

And then I thought about Minho and his crush on me, thinking about Onew too heartbreaking.  (Fixed: And then I thought about Minho and his crush on me; thinking about Onew hurt too much.)

The thought of Minho and I being together was much better than my previous, constant thoughts of Onew and I being together, now that I seriously thought about it.  (The word 'thought' is redundant here.)

That’d be so mean and not-nice of me!  (Mean and not-nice are the same thing.  Only use one or the other.)

OMGWTF, WUT (Text writing is highly looked down upon in fanfic writing.  Use words!)

Was what was running through my mind as Minho pulled me closer from over the kitchen table, even going so far as to running a hand through my hair.  (This is an incomplete sentence.  Add a subject before 'was' to make it complete.)

no, more like demanded. (Don't use the words 'more like' here.  It lessens the sentence quality.)

How about this, SunHi-yah – we take things slowly(Fixed: How about this Sunhi-yah?  We take things slowly)

If you start liking Onew hyung again, then we’ll stop this immediately, and things won’t have to be weird around us.  (Instead of around, use between, since it only concerns Minho and Sunhi)

Just fix your tense errors and it'll be fine!

Flow: 8/10


The flow was fine, if not a bit too fast. But since it's a oneshot, people need to get things across quickly, so good job here!

Originality: 12/15


Truthfully, the idea of Onew being a chicken lover isoverused.  But since it's really important here, it's fine.  The part where you mentioned that his Onew condition is just for laughs was great because it was different.

Plot: 8/10


The plot was enjoyable and surprising because Sunhi ended up with Minho. Many would think that she would get together with Onew and have her happy ending, so good job with the plot. Overall, the plot wasn't exactly cliche, but it wasn't super original.

Enjoyment: 4/5


Hooray! Enjoyable! Readers can sympathize with Sunhi a lot. And that's a good thing.

Total: 70/100

Bonus: 4/5

It was a really well written one-shot. Props to you on that. The fact that Sunhi didn't end up with Onew in the end makes the oneshot even more original. It was an excellent plot twister, and readers would have never thought. Sorry that kpopluvr18 graded your spelling and grammar so harshly! She had a really strict grammar teacher in 7th grade and ever since then, she's been a walking grammar book! Really sorry to you on that. Remember, always proofread!

Grand Total: 74/100