I was happy to know that my mind is working now. Seeing Soo Young unnie carrying the soaked Hyun Hwa, it made me an excuse to stay away from the circle of friends.

                I offered to change Hyun Hwa. As I got her from Soo Young unnie’s arms, I cautiously glanced at Yong Hwa, and was grateful to see him so engrossed, talking with his ex band mates.

                Even though he knew that I have a child, I’m still afraid when the time comes that he finds out about the truth of him being the real father.

                “....I was happy to finaly see you but I found you pregnant with another man...”

                He was thinking all this time that I have another man with me. How can he think that way, he knows that there was no single man apart from him.

                “Mom... I’m sleepy,” Hyun Hwa told me.

                I was bathing her at the bath thub.

                “After drying your hair, we’ll get you into bed. Alright, sweetie?” I told her.

                After dressing her up in her pyjamas, and getting her hair dried, I tuck her into the bed. Minutes after brushing her hair with my fingers and humming a lullabye, she was sleeping soundly.

                “Goodnight, sweetie,” I whispered to her ears.

                It was clear that she got exhausted from playing too much the whole afternoon, not to mention the incident that happened at the hotel earlier.

                “Joo Hyun – ah,” I can hear a faint girly voice calling me from the kitchen.

                “Ne, I’m coming,” I answered back, not minding if the voice heard me or not.

                I glance at the mirror, checking my features and suddenly thought why I am suddenly concerned about my looks. I just shook my head out of contemplation.

                All of them are already sitting properly at the big round table. Delicious dishes and side dishes were on the table. Tae Yeon unnie offered the seat beside her.

                I was glad to sit away from Yong Hwa, but was disappointed to see him sitting at the chair fronting mine, next to him sits the pretty lady who I haven’t heard the name yet.

                “So, Jessica – ssi, you were saying that your family own this resort,” the masculine voice of Si Woon oppa spoke.

                “Yeah, but I seldom come here, I stayed all my life at California because of studying. But I was happy to visit here and meet all of you,” she said in her high pitch tone.

                We bowed for her compliment.

                “Where’s Hyun Hwa?” Jung Shin asked when our eyes met.

                I can feel the tension rising as he mentioned that name. Soo Young unnie might have kicked his feet because a small noise was heard below them as he bit his lower lip and pain was clear in his face.

                I glance at Yoona and the others, they just looked at me.

                The name is really catchy, combining Joo Hyun and Yong Hwa was not a good idea, that’s what striked me. I know Yong Hwa might catch that. I momentarily looked at him and he was blankly staring at me. There he goes again with the plain expression he is giving me.

                “Sleeping, she was tired,” I answered and change the topic to the other kids.

                “Ah, they retire, too. Playing too much almost the whole afternoon exhausted them,” answered Yuri – unnie.

                “Sleeping without eating?” Yong Hwa suddenly spoke. He sound concerned.

                “They’ll wake up later, eventually,” Yuri – unnie replied.

                “So, let’s say our graces,” Si Woon oppa the eldest lead us in a prayer and we dine.

                I can’t keep myself from glancing at the couple who are in front of me. I caught Jessica wiping the dirt on the chest part of Yong Hwa’s suit, and Yong Hwa smiled truthfully as an appreciation.

                I almost squealed when Tae Yeon unnie elbowed me.

                I frowned at her motion.

                “Stop looking, you’ll get caught,” she whispered while smiling fakely.

                I smiled at her, faking it, just playing along with her game.

                After the blissful dinner, all the women, including Jessica offered to do the after care. Even though she wore the most outstanding outfit tonight, she still mingled and carelessly helped us with the dishes. I found her friendly and envy her.

                Envy? Why? Is it because she’s with Yong Hwa now just as where you want to be? Make up your mind, Joo Hyun, I reprimanded myself.

                After doing the dishes, all of us went to the guys who are sitting on the veranda. They were encircling the small round table. A bottle of wine was on the table surrounded with wine glasses. The bottle was not opened yet, I’m not into drinking but what are they waiting for? Or who are they waiting for? The ladies are here now.

                And then I see the figure of Yong Hwa entering the veranda. He is now wearing a plain white sleeveless shirt and blue beach short pants. He was carelessly walking to the sit beside Joon – oppa.

                He changed his clothes, does it mean he is staying in one of the cottages here?

                “You changed, oppa,” Jessica clarified.

                “We’ll be swimming tonight,” answered Min Hyuk.

                “Isn’t it cold?” Yoona asked.

                “We have the wine to warm us,” Leeteuk – oppa answered his wife while raising his eyebrows.

                “How about us ladies?” Jessica was now smiling and anticipation was clear in her eyes.

                “Night swimming? Call,” Soo Young unnie spoke.

                “Call,” chorused the other girls.

                “How about you Joo Hyun – ssi?” Jessica was now looking at me, still smiling.

                “Ahhh....” I don’t know what to say.

                “Mommy, I’m hungry,” my four year old child was now coming towards me. Bed hairs were all over her head, but I still find her enchanting.

                “Oh, you have a daughter? She’s cute,” Jessica commented.

                “Kansahamnida,” I responded while bowing at her. Hyun Hwa also bowed and said “Thank You” to Jessica.

                “Mom... I’-“ Hyun Hwa was holding the tip of the dress that I am wearing but her expression change to surprised. She was now looking at Yong Hwa.

                “Ajhussi,” she screamed.

                She then run to Yong Hwa and bowed the traditional bow.

                I was wondering what is she doing, did they happen to meet earlier even before the accident?

                “Kansahamnida... kansahamnida... kansahamnida,” she repeated while bowing the traditional bow.

                I taught her to be grateful to people who are worth thanking by bowing and saying “Thank You” in a formal way.

                But how in the world did she know that it was Yong Hwa who saved her? Everything that happened earlier was way too fast, there’s no way that she’ll be able to remember the person.

                Yong Hwa smiled. Oh, how I miss that smile.

                “You’re welcome, sweetie,” he told her while patting her head.

                There he goes again with the endearment that he once used at me. My heart began beating rapidly. Complications, and all I wanted to do was to run away but I know I won’t be capable of.

                “Mom, he’s the ajhussi – with – the – secret – name who saved me earlier. Say thanks to him, because he save you’re pretty daughter,” the angelic voice of Hyun Hwa hovered while she smiled innocently.

                Sometimes I hate how my daughter has grown up to be mature. She always says the things which older people should be saying.

                “Thank You” I mouthed to Yong Hwa, who just bowed and was now looking back at Hyun Hwa.

                “Dear, her name is Jung Yong Hwa, not ‘ajhussi with the secret name’,” Jessica corrected Hyun Hwa while kneeling in front of her and pinching her cheeks.

                Hyun Hwa suddenly put her index finger to as she said, “Shhhhh... that name is a secret.”

                Jessica creased her elbows but then smiled.

                I looked at my unnies, and the people around who knew the truth. Their looks were full of understanding and concern.

                The ones who don’t know about everything are just Yong Hwa and Jessica, and I think we are being unfair towards them, we are fooling the dual. But I can’t tell him now directlty, not now that he is with his girl.

                Jessica suddenly laughed.

                “Waeyo?” Yong Hwa asked her.

                “Mianhe... I think it’s just me, but do you guys notice the similarities in the kids’s face and Yong Hwa’s face? It’s entertaining,” she spoke carelessly. “It seems like she’s a female version of oppa. They actually looked the same.”

                I looked again at the crowd who are now trying their hard to ease the situation.

                Junshin chingoo laughed just as Soo Young unnie laughed fakely.

                “I know, right?” Jessica concluded, she was happily switching her gazes between Yong Hwa and Hyun Hwa.

                Hyun Hwa pouted and placed her index finger on her right temple and looked at the blank Yong Hwa, she then looked back at Jessica.

                “They often tell me that I look like my appa. If I look like ajhussi, then does it mean that ajhussi is my appa?” Hyun Hwa asked full of query, and she suddenly smiled with her angelic smile.

                That does it.

                “Hyun Hwa, you’re hungry, right? Let’s eat now,” I spoke hastily.

                I went towards her but was surprised when Yong Hwa stopped me from getting her by saying, “Wait.”

                Although his face was calm, his eyes were a bit glaring at me, full of condemnation. He then switched his glances to Hyun Hwa who is smiling innocently below us.

                “Ajhussi will cook for you, would you like that?” he asked the naive child.

                Hyun Hwa nodded.

                I don’t know how to respond, I know that the look in Jessica’s face now is full of curiuosity. I can’t blame her though, anyone can hint that there is something happening.

                While the others continued to chat and drink the wine, I followed Yong Hwa and Hyun Hwa who are talking by the kitchen.

                “I want chicken – noodle – soup,” the excited youngster spoke.

                Yong Hwa was looking for something while saying, “Okay, ajhussi will prepare it for you.”

                He was circling the kitchen for minutes now but he can’t still find the ingredients.

                “The spices are at the the upper right cabinet, while the noodles are on the lower right. We stuck it up earlier for our settlement here. The chicken was place on the freezer. Sorry we don’t have the instant chicken – noodle – soup,” I told him and suddenly notice that I talked too much.

                “Mommy,” Hyun Hwa acknowledged me while sitting on the chair by the big round table.

                “Mommy, will be out with your Imos and Samchons, please behave,” I spoke to her before leaving both of them.

                But before I went out to the veranda, I can hear a faint voice of a guy saying “Thank You” and just smiled.

----------------------

                “Will you be okay?” Yoona whispered to me as I sat beside her.

                I nodded and smiled, not to get the attention of the other people.

                “Joo Hyun, drink!” Min Hyuk offered while raising a wine glass.

                I shook my head and Yuri – unnie spoke, “She’s allergic to alcoholic beverages.”

                “Jeongmalyo? I never knew that there would be a person that would be allergic to alcoholics. Most of the people drink nowadays,” Min Hyuk spoke.

                “I’ve heard that you drink much lately, Hyuk – ah,” Tiffany asked light – heartedly. “Wae? Not accepting the fact that you’re still single and your hyungs are marrying soon.”

                Min Hyuk sighed and just remained silent after finishing the wine.

                “Yah, why so serious Hyukie?” Shaine followed up.

                “I’ve been thinking about that though,” he disclosed that made the whole group laugh.

                “You better get one now. There are many idols there craving for you, why not date them?” Joon – oppa joined in.

                “I’m waiting for someone who’s worth loving,” Min Hyuk spoke seriously.

                “Continue waiting, you’ll surely die single and available,” JungShin smirked.

                The others laugh as Min Hyuk just shook his head gradually while pouring wine into his glass and grinned. “You don’t know, maybe I will have a good catch, if I’ll wait harder.”

                “So are you saying I’m not a good catch for Jung Shin?” Soo Young unnie acted offended.

                “Aniyo, noona, I’m just kidding,” Min Hyuk was swaying his arms crossed.

                “Good,” Soo Young unnie spoke proudly while crossing his arms and the others laugh.

                “Full... full... full,” the happy Hyun Hwa came carried on Yong Hwa’s arms.

                I felt the stinging sensation inside my heart as I see him holding the child, thinking, does he know now or is he still carrying his child without him knowing that she is his own.

                “Want to have a walk on the seashore, Hyun –ah?” Soo young unnie asked her.

                “I want mommy to walk with me, Imo,” Hyun Hwa then went down from Yong Hwa and was now beside me. She held my right hand with her left hand and asked me to stand up.

                We were about to leave the veranda going outside but Hyun Hwa stopped. She held Yong’s right hand with her free hand and spoke, “Ajhussi, walk with us.”

                I can see the difficulty in Yong Hwa’s expression but Hyun Hwa spoke again, “Please, ajhussi....please~” Her tone was whining as she batted her eyelashes cutely. I then blamed Tiffany’s influence to Hyun Hwa’s behaviour now.

                “Alright,” Yong Hwa answered while he rubbed his nape with his right hand.

                And suddenly I can picture out a happy family walking by the seashore under the shining moonlight.

                But, no.

                I can’t still call our group as a family, and no, we are not happy.

                The silence was making us deaf. I think we got nothing to say, or we have something to say but our pride won’t let us.

                I can hear Hyun Hwa yawning as Yong Hwa and my eyes met. He was the first one to turn away as he kneeled to match Hyun Hwa’s height and asked, “Are you sleepy, sweetie?”

                “Hmmm...” Hyun Hwa willingly spread her arms, a sign that she wanted to be carried.

                Yong Hwa undoubtedly carried Hyun Hwa as she cuddled her head on Yong Hwa’s neck and shoulder.

                I can feel the flowing of water on my cheeks as I hurriedly wiped it away, not to let Yong Hwa notice it. I comprehend that this might be the punishment of keeping Hyun Hwa away from her dad all these years. Seeing them being together now really raises the remorse I feel inside.

                We keep on walking as my tears kept on falling. I was thankful that the moonlight was not too bright to make my crying eyes visible in Yong Hwa’s eyes. He was just staring straightly forward.

                “I think she’s sleeping now,” he suddenly spoke.

                I looked at the even breathing of Hyun Hwa. She was indeed sleepingsoundly.

                “I think it’s better to send her back at the cottage,” I suggested.

                Yong Hwa silently followed and as we arrived at the cottage, all the people were at the beach, swimming joyfully.

                “Yah, come and join us,” shouted Joon – oppa.

                “I’ll be right back,” Young Hwa shouted back as I just waved at my unnies.

                Yong Hwa carried Hyun Hwa to the room, laid her on the bed and he went off, leaving Hyun hwa a kiss on the forehead.

                I cried myself out.

                “Sweetie, mommy is so sorry,” I said earnestly as the rain of tears that I’ve been controlling earlier began pouring endlessly. “Mommy is really sorry. Mommy has reasons, you know. But reasons that I don’t know if daddy would understand. Mommy is so sorry for not letting you know all about daddy. You know what, sweetie? You just slept on daddy’s arms tonight? Are you happy? I think you’ll be if you knew that it was him, the secret name that I’ve told you.”

                I lied beside Hyun hwa as I pulled the comforter to Hyun hwa’s neckline.

                “I think daddy will accept you, but not mom,” and I fell asleep.

-------------

                I woke up with the laughing noises at the living room.

                I peeked on them, since our room is adjacent to the living room. The damp bodies of my friends are loitering there as they talked about something.

                A couple were missing.

                I hurriedly went to the window as I watch Yong Hwa and Jessica walking to another house cottage, and Yong Hwa was placing his arms on Jessica’s shoulder.

                Then rain poured again.