I really miss Yong Hwa oppa’s presence, his gentleness, his dorkiness, his cheesy lines, his carefree behaviour, him. I really miss him so badly.

                The promise of communication that he told me was complied. He calls me every morning, saying the early morning greetings, checks if I have eaten my breakfast as I ask him about his dinner. He would call me by my dinner time, just as he woke up from his sleep.  He would always call me whenever I have time.

                He is currently taking up Business Management at one Prestige University at Los Angeles. He told me that everything turned out well when he entered the University.

                As for me, I am now working at Dad’s real estate firm, being the head interior designer. It was not easy at the beginning days. People are really surprised to hear from my Dad that I’ll be the new head designer. Yeah, it’s a family thing. People would say I don’t deserve to be on that level since I am a fresh graduate.

                I understand them, really... what can you get from a newbie?  I suggested to Dad that I need more training before I have that certain position, but he just told me,

                “Joo Hyun, in the end of the day, you’ll still have that spot. So why not start it now since it’s still early.”

                I didn’t argue anymore with Dad and just obeyed.

                I did my best to win my co – workers trust. I did everything so that they will know how determined I am to implement an excellent department. Eventually they perceive my purpose as they soon begin to respect me and follow my directions.

                Two weeks since oppa had left. Calls everytime he has time.

                One month passed. He just calls me two times or three times a day.

                “Oppa, just call me those times,” I whined.

                “Like I’ve told you, it’s not easy being in a long distance relationship,” Tiffany who was busy applying a lip balm facing my large mirror spoke.

                I just stared at her reflection blankly. What is she trying to say?

                Our eyes meet at our reflection on the large mirror. She faced me and continued talking.

                “Being away from the person you love is difficult. You want to hear him, talk to him endlessly, you become more aggressive than before.”

                “It’s because your mind is hiding the fact that you continuously think of what he is doing right now, thinking that he did not call because he’s with another girl. You become more unreasonable,” Yoona who was sitting beside me also added.

                Tiffany sat on my bed and continued, “Joo Hyun, oppa’s time zone is really different from us. You can’t expect him to call you all the time. He also needs to comply on his schedules there.”

                “She’s right, you are not his only priority. You may be number one, but he still has other priorities to attend,” Yoona commented.

                “Yah... why are saying this to me?” I become jittery. “I just informed you about him. I did not even complain and there you are accusing me that I’m becoming unreasonable?” I felt the edge of my voice.

                “Chill, S.... you’re already raising your voice,” Yoona calmed me down.

                Did I really raise my voice?

                “You’re becoming irritable lately,” Tiffany who was smiling agreed.

                “Mianhe,” I mouthed.

                Two months. Oppa calls me once a day. I confronted him and ask where’s the communication he promised me before? I tried to call him but he won’t answer so I send him mails instead.

                Thankfully he answered me, saying that he is sorry, he’s just too busy with his studies.

                But he promised to call me everytime. A promise is a promise.

                I was eating ice cream late that night. Depressed with the absence of Yong – oppa’s call.

                I finished a full bowl of ice cream and Nanny chided me about it. She said I’m beginning to get fatter. I just laughed at her joke. I still looked skinny, when will I ever get fat?

                The office works earlier really exhaust me, thinking that a cold shower will ease the tiredness I am feeling, I showered.

                I was facing the mirror while I dried my hair.

                I notice that my face is different. Maybe it’s because of the stress the work is giving me, adding my depression on Yong – oppa ‘no call.’

                I tried to wake up early in the morning but no matter how I tried to climb off my bed, my body doesn’t participate.

                I did not notice that I fell asleep back again.

                When I woke up, it’s already 9:00am. Knowing that I am already late for office, I stood up directly. But I felt like my stomach twirled, as if it wants to go out from my body through my mouth.

                I hurried to the bathroom and gag on urinal. Gosh! Nanny must be right about me eating too much ice cream last night.

                I tried to stand up again but my stomach twirled again.

                I called for the office, saying that I’ll take a leave because I am not feeling well.

                It’s not the first time it happened.

                Few days back, I mean, there are couple of mornings that I ended up throwing up first than brushing my teeth.

                Gosh, my head really hurts.

                I just took a nap the whole day, saying that maybe the nausea I am feeling will end later.

                Three months, no call. Only e-mails from oppa. He told me that he lost his phone. What? Is this a joke?

                I began mailing him, supplying the promise he told me. I want to understand him, but I can’t. For all sake, he is my husband. He should have more quality time towards me more than anything in this world. Am I unreasonable? No I am not, I want him to call me like what he had promised.

                I was eating my dinner when Yoona and Tiffany arrived. I’ve heard that they are both starring in one Movie so it’s not a question why they arrived at the same time.

                I can see that both of them are happy.

                “What’s with the smile?” I asked.

                “ Guess what?” Yoona started.

                “What?”

                “Guess,” she said light –heartedly.

                “Y...” I said.

                She grinned before she revealed. “We’re back together.”

                “Who?” I asked back.

                “Leeteuk – oppa and me....” she answered cheerfully. I can see her happiness but I don’t have the feeling of becoming happy for her.

                “No comment?” Tiffany asked.

                “Congratulations,” I smiled forcedly, not to hurt their feelings.

                “What’s wrong with you,” the reader Yoona knew that it was a fake smile. “Is it Yong Hwa – oppa?”

                I continued eating, just eating.

                They just looked at me.

                Yoona then spoke that taken me aback. “Yah, stop eating. Everytime I see you, you are always eating. You’re having double chins already.”

                Am I eating that much lately?

                I gazed at my reflection by the glass door by the kitchen’s exit.

                A chubbier version of me was reflected.

                “Are you hiding something from us Seo Joo Hyun?” Tiffany asked.

                I shook my head. What should I hide from them? They are my best friend.

                Oh my gosh, there is something... I received our marriage certificate a few weeks ago, and I carefully hid it. The secret wedding I had with Yong Hwa – oppa.

                Is it time to tell them?

                Remembering the last night we were together. Remembering the document we signed and the giving of rings. The sweet night we spent at the yacht, revealing our unconditional love for each other. The kiss that grew deeper and the time he carried me to the yacht’s cabin, and the rest is history.

                No, this is not happening.... no way...

                Irritability, cravings, nausea and vomiting, frequent bladder release.... Oh my God! These are signs of....

                “I heard from nanny that you were absent lately, saying that you’ve been experiencing upset stomachs, vomiting. You feel irritable all the time, and you eat too much. Seo Joo Hyun, when is your last menstrual period?” Yoona asked me full of curiosity.

                Omono~, how can I be so dumb? I can’t even remember when was that. Last week, no... two months ago? Ande. Three months ago... a few days back before the night I’ve engage that with Yong – oppa. Does it mean I was fertile that night? One – shot?

                Will I tell everything to them? No, not now that I haven’t told oppa about this. I was surprised but was really happy at the same time.

                Why should I be afraid, we are legally married. There is no immorality in this situation. It’s just that we made the wedding a secret. How will my family perceive this? Dad, mom, Yuri – unnie, and the rest?  I’m not yet ready. I need to talk to Yong – oppa.

                “Last two weeks ago,” I tried my hardest not to look guilty.

                The two laughed.

                “We thought you are pregnant,” Tiffany spoke and continued laughing.

                I laughed with them, feeling so guilty for lying.

                All I need to do now is talk to Yong Hwa – oppa about this good news.

                He is soon to become a father.

                I face my computer monitor and logged in my email address.

                Among the six messages I received, I read Yong – oppa’s message first.

                But instead of becoming happy that he mailed, my heart stopped pumping.

                It was like all the lightness in my head shut down.           

                LET’S BREAK UP

                The mail stated.

                Break – up? Is he crazy? How can he do this to me?

                Over the three years we’ve been together, for just three months of being away from each other, he already gave up?

                No, he’s just confuse. He doesn’t mean to tell me this, right?

                I console myself, saying that Yong – oppa was just confuse, he don’t know what he is deciding. We need to talk, yeah...we really need to talk.

                I spam him with hundred of emails. Stating that he should give a thousand of reasons why he wants to break up with me. I focused on his statement that I forgot about our child. Wait, will it help me if I’ll say that I’m pregnant?

                No, he’ll say that maybe I’m just using this to let him stay.

                Yes, I want him to stay, but not to the point that I’ll blackmail him with the child I am baring.

                I keep on mailing him with the main point “WHY ARE YOU BREAKING UP WITH ME? GIVE ME A REASONABLE STATEMENT THAT’LL CONVINCE ME. FOR PETE’S SAKE, WE ARE MARRIED. DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE JUST AFTER THREE MONTHS? IF YOU WANT A DIVORCE WHY NOT DO IT RIGHT AFTER THE MARRAIGE? WHY THINK OF THE MARRIAGE IF YOU CAN’T TAKE IT?”

                Days, no reply.

                I was frequently absent that my Dad called me, I made the sickness as an excuse.

                He told me to have a check – up.

                I already did, with a private OB – Gynaecologist.

                I am 101 days pregnant and the baby is doing great.

                But I did not inform Dad about this, even my best friends don’t know about this, not even the father of the child.

                Days became weeks, and it became a month. Still no reply from Yong Hwa – oppa. even Tiffany, grams, his ex band mates, his friends can’t contact him. Zero Communication.

                He will not be hearing me out as I will not hear him out.

                There’s no use.

                I finally gave up. I still have pride.

                I held the small bump.

                I was really hurt. Why did he do this to me? Why now? Now that I am pregnant.

I was really depressed, disheartened, discourage, dispirited, distressed, miserable, and sorrowed. I am completely torn.

I need to maintain my family’s reputation.

They can’t see me with a large bump sooner or later.

I finally came up to a decision.... I’ll leave Seoul, Korea.

 A/N: