I was still contemplating on the ‘J’ initial Yong – oppa used in his note. I went to my closet and scanned all the things inside the ‘J’ box. All of it was done with the initial ‘J’. I was so keyed up to know if Jerald is Yong- oppa. But how can it be? Jerald is an American and Yong – oppa is Korean.

                I chided myself for not having Yong – oppa’s number when he begged for my mobile number just this noon. But I know that if I’ll call him he will not be able to answer it because, he sure is busy with their practice.

                I sat on the chair beside my white round table. The envelope caught me, the tape was beside it. Oh yeah, I was about to listen to this tape when Tiffany called early this morning. I reviewed the envelope, I noticed that there’s a piece of paper inside it. It was fold in a half. I opened it and began reading. It was the lyrics of the song from the tape I presume. But I noticed that the chorus was so familiar. I began thinking where did I hear these words. It reads:

                “You’re a darling, you’re more beautiful than the stars above in the night sky, the shining thing deep inside my heart, my own love light,”

                Omo~! It can’t be! It’s the song Yong – oppa sang at the beach. It’s the lullaby he sang to me stating that he wrote this to his first love. Is Seo Hyun his first love? How can it be?

                “I made this song for my first love but she doesn’t seem to notice me. She’s famous that’s why I compared her to a star, a star that lights brightly inside my heart,” I remembered oppa saying those to me.

                Seo Hyun is famous and considered to be a star since she’s a super model. Of course I was not able to notice anyone before because I don’t want to pay attention to this boys they so – called suitors. Is Yong – oppa one of them? Oh dear! How can I not take notice of him before if this guy’s face really caught me the first time I saw him?

                What’s his relation to Jerald, as I remembered, Jerald won’t say even a word to me after he hands me the gifts, does it mean he just hands the gift for Yong – oppa sake?

                I’m full of questions here and there. I really don’t know what to think of first. I looked at the tape above the table beside the envelope.

                I took it and went to my cassette player. I played it and was really confused more when I heard Yong- oppa’s voice. It was really his!

                I can’t stand anymore of this, I want to confirm it now. As in right this instance! It was the very first time I became impulsive that I didn’t realize that I was standing at his condo unit’s door already.

                204. The number at the door which I keep looking for a few minutes already can’t get out of my sight. I was in doubt to knock or wait that he’ll come out. Another is that I am not sure if he was already home.

                I want to give up. I sat on the floor fronting his door. I want to cry, to cry and scold myself for not having enough audacity to knock at the door fronting me. Why am I always weak?

                “Try to knock, maybe he is inside,” a familiar masculine voice behind me surprised me. I know it is Yong – oppa even if I will not look at him.

                I turned around gradually, he offered his hand and help me to stand.

                I just look at him and felt the sudden rush of fluids falling from my eyes. The tears that haunt me just a couple of seconds ago fell down freely.

                I was on my impulsive manner again when I throw my arms around this tall guy right in front of me and embrace him.

                “Oppa,” I cried.

                His left hand was consoling my back as his right hand busied typing the password of his condo unit. The door beeped then it opened. He guided me to his sofa and let me sit on it. He went somewhere and came bringing a glass of water which I drank abruptly.

                He kept on looking at me without saying any word.

                I circled my head, it’s the first time I came here. The room was really clean and properly organized with a masculine ambience. I noticed a blue neck pillow beside me, its identical to the one I have back in my room which Jerald gave me or was it really Jerald?

                “So you know already?” he talked out of nowhere. I looked at him. He was standing but leaning on the wall beside a door. I assume it’s his bedroom. He was intensely looking back at me.

                I nodded but asked. “But how did it ended like this?”

                He gradually shook his head with a grin on his lips. He started walking to my direction and sat beside me. He spread his arms to the sofa’s leaner that I can feel his firm arms on my back.

                “My dad offered me to study abroad when I was younger. I don’t have a reason to decline except diversity. But things ended well. I studied at one of the exclusive school for boys at Los Angeles,” he started explaining.

                This guy was in LA, too? I thought. “Do you know Jerald? We go at the same school.”

“Jerald and I were close friends. He was a neighbour of mine. He was always with me whenever I go to your fashion shows. Every guy in our school knows you and praises you and that includes me. Jerald knows my ‘thing’ for you and helps me give those gifts to you. He told me that he goes to the same school as you, so everytime I don’t have the chance to personally give you the gifts, or I must say, never had the time to hand you those gifts personally,  I always ask Jerald to give it to you,” he explained softly.

                “Jerald doesn’t say any word when he gives me those gifts, oppa,” I consulted him. “So all this time, Yoona and I thought all the gifts are from Jerald. Not to mention the initial you use is ‘J’, as in Jerald.”

                He smiled then spoke. “It is ‘J’ as in Jung Yong Hwa, in LA they call me ‘Jung Boy’ because I always use my last name first, that’s why I used that initial.”

                We were silent for a couple of minutes, just feeling the privacy we have in his living room.

                “Have you heard the original version?” he suddenly asked me.

                I looked at him. He was looking at me with those intense eyes again.

                I nodded as a response.

                “Do you like it?” he followed up.

                I smiled. I really like the thought that someone wrote a song for you. It really felt good.

                “There, the smile I’ve been waiting for,” he said.

                I was aware that I crossed my eyebrows. What is this man talking about?

                “I really like your truthful smile Joo Hyun, your lips smiles as well as your eyes sparks,” he answered tenderly.

                “Kansahamnida,” I replied.

                He burst into laughter. It’s the first time I see him laugh so hard and it feels so good to hear.

                “You’re really polite,” he said. “Now that you know that you are the girl I first fell in love with, what can you say?”

                I was surprised by his sudden question, I really don’t know what to say.

                “You cried and hug me, let’s say... hmmm... let me think what to conclude about that,” he said, his eyes wandering. He then suddenly looked at me. His right hand held my hand. “My conclusion is, it’s a big yes.”

                “De?” Did he court me that he’ll conclude that it’s a YES?

                “I mean it’s a yes, that you like it, no other implication,” he clarified.

                I just shook my head gradually out of relief.

                “Ya, you don’t like it?” he asked astonished.

                “Anyo, oppa, I don’t really know, things was so fast, but... “

                “But?” his eyes full of anticipation.

                “I really do like it, oppa, I really do like the fact that it’s Seo Hyun. But I’m not the fashion model Seo Hyun you fell in love with, oppa. I’m Seo Joo Hyun, the aloof, loner and pessimistic girl.” I replied.

                “At first, it was also a problem, if is it the face of Seo Hyun that I came interested with you or was it something else. Then I concluded that it was something else, Hyun. It was you, being you, the aloof, loner, secretive, clumsy, pessimistic, emotionally weak and etc. I like the way you are and it’s not the face anymore, just the way you are, just being yourself really captivated me more.

                “You have been so caring, so good, and so thoughtful. The previous days that I haven’t seen you was my intention, because I know that when I’m with you more issues will arise. I don’t want you to worry. Yeah, I was hurt when I you lied about you being Seo Hyun. But I know you kept it for your safety. But from now on, you can trust me. I promised to protect you no matter what happens. Listen very carefully, for I may not say it again. I’m a coward Hyun.”

I crossed my eyebrows, a sign that I was puzzled. Then he continued,

“I’m a coward because I don’t have to courage to stay away from you. I cannot bare another day not seeing you, arrasso?”

                Yong – oppa was now fully holding my hands with his two hands. His eyes were teary, a sign of sincerity.

                “Waeyo, oppa?  Why are you feeling this way? Why protect me from these issues?” I was still puzzled with everything that was happening.

                “Hyun, can’t you see it? Can’t you feel it, sense it? It’s because I care for you, because... I... “ he was hanged up. He was silent for a while then spoke again. “Hyun, sarangheyo.”

                I don’t know what to say. Did he just say “Sarangheyo”? Those were the words I long to hear from him. I don’t want to decline him now but I need time to think about it all over and over again.

                “Oppa, I’m grateful of what you’re feeling towards me, but I need time to think about it. Will you let me?” I asked him gently, full of honesty.

                He nodded and smiled. He shook his head gradually and was about to take his hands of me but I held it back.

                He looked at me, he was puzzled I assume.

                “While we are waiting for the biggest decision that we are about to make, let’s continue to go with the flow, continue to care for each other, to help each other, continue being friends,” I spoke meaningfully.

                “Special friends,” he asked grinning.

                “Hmmm... let’s put it that way,” I responded.

                He hugged me tightly and I hugged him back.

                That moment I decided that I will never hold hands and embrace guys apart from him.

                It’s getting late so I decided to go home. I just remembered that I rode a cab in going to his unit. He offered to bring me home and of course I agreed.

                At the road we were just silent, feeling again the privacy we bought had alone in his Audi R8.

                When we reached home he asked me. “Will you tell Yoona and Fany about it?”

                “I think they should know,” I answered him hesitantly.

                “Yeah, they should. I can hear their screams already.” He said light – heartedly.

                I laughed at the thought.

                We bid our goodbyes, he kiss me on my forehead. I was taken aback but did not let him notice. Then he rode off.

                As soon as I entered the house, Yoona welcomed me with a teasing scream. I assume she have seen the scenario outside. Very typical of her.

Author's note:

There, i made the update...there i'm not teasing you with the "J" anymore...but i still want to tease you though but not letting hyun decide directly if she will accept yong's confessions, but as you can see she likes him, too...so an advice from me, continue subscrbing so you will know what scheme will yong use in order to have hyun's final YES!

everyone..thank you so much for subscrbing..you are my strength..because you keep on encouraging me to write the update, the more i want to write the updates..you really inspire me just i was inspired by yong and hyun to write this fic..thank you so much!

fighting!

-xhaie (^_^)v