'This isn't it.' I muttered as I lied on our once shared bed. Feeling small and a little too cold from winter's chills. The air that mainly hits the glass window. The tiny particles that had manages to sip through the cracks of imperfection. 'This isn't it.' I said once more while I stayed confided in this empty room. I'm suppose to be happy. To be at the peak of joy. I mean I'm barely a year in a relationship that I had agreed on with a soft shade of rosy red on my cheeks. This is outrages. I am to be smiling. To be having my damn lips hanging from my ears, not hanging dry. I am to be a lady in love, not one who is conducting an individualistic performance of Sichuan Opera. 

Bloody hell. 

Memories. Her voice. Our harmony. The past glory. All that bundled up and kept in the files for reminiscing. Brilliant and talented. What an . I stretched and took my phone. Keyed in your number since I had digitally deleted you away from any of my technology. Sadly, my mind isn't wired as perfectly as the robots. Looking at the perfect string of digits, I understood that I am someone who had comprehend absolutely nothing. this. I'll take the blame. I'll take the ing fall. So you better be happy. You better be grinning the way I'm suppose to be but can't. You better be ing ecstatic ss high as you were on ecstacy on that 14th of August. Frustrations surge. I noted my own pendulum swinging from the middle to the negative peak. 

Instead of containing my senseless behaviour with some of the damn logic they taught in school, I flung my 5th phone crashing into the walls. Shattering as I panted. What a simplictic human I had become. When faced with adversity, simply proceed to throw a fit. I'm a child. You are so right. I giggled. Mocking and admitting to my faults that you had always been quick to point out. A soft knock. Upon registering that faint noise, I immediately shut up. A small head peers by the door. 

I turn and greet it with the ever ready plastered smile. 'Hey there.' I called out to her politeky. She bow in return. 'You alright?' she whispers the question. If the room had you, I wouldn't have heard it. However the fact remains, that I have no clue as to where you are. I nod my head, still keeping the curved line of pretense. She glance around my room. Eyes lingering at the pieces of my phone. With her fixated eyes, I turn around to face my back towards her. Mankind had evolved. Plus, she was on the more positive scale of evolution. Her intelligence makes my earlier white line seem so blonde. 

Being exposed, I am aware of Lincoln's words ; 'No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.' I must be a true novice. Indeed the dead holds power over the living. The flaw of not listening to Lincoln throughly highlighted in this moment. The air back to being still. The room's temperature a little lower. She didn't close the door yet stood there in silence. Her lack of reprimanding is causing me to be sincerely annoyed. Her selected quiet reponse makes me seem childish. This total lack of noise is ing deafening. 

'Lying, the telling of beautiful untrue things, is the proper aim of Art. If this act is your masterpiece then I am here to admire it.' She speaks with clearity. As if this view that lies before her is being a Van Gough's painting. I, on the other hand, can only conclude that I feel violated by her prying eyes. Why can't she understand? The many years of having a front row perfect private view of her beauty, just snatched away. 'She is that one who left wearing the cape of a victim. I am just an imbecile who took a large gulp of the purest of red rum.' I spat our the words without facing her. The disgust in my throat. My breathing becoming heavier. As if each exhale was in search for some relief. I sat up and let my eyes search for a tool. Something that will just cut the rope holding on to the lonesome marble of my erratic swing. 

'Unnie.' Her voice too soft. Actually, her voice is nothing! Her standing there is useless. My eyes continue to pan across the room. Taking in every single view of the forsaken room. There. Relief. A simple box. A box filled with tiny pills. My mind rejoice. I ran towards it. Only for my body to hit the cold floor. I couldn't be bothered. I wanted relief. The silence that should follow. Music has stopped. Every note should ceased. I'm just a vile creature that have been tainting its name for my own selfish glory. Stupid pride that had caused me to damage the spotlight. My hand tries to push away the deadweight. 'Unnie. Stop it. Please.' Her cries were of a C4 note. Disgusting. Shut up. Just shut up. Everyone 'SHUT UP!' I yelled at the top of my lungs. 

My hands clamps over my ears. Body rocking to smooth the crisp edges. 'Shut up. Shut up...' I chanted. This world, these melody, they were all too disrespectful. 'Unnie.' I hear her call out to me again. I glared at her. Pushed her aside, only to be met by a hard punch to the gut. I croached down in pain. Once again, a little short on reaching relief. The pain then spikes. My brain only registers the possiblity of having an internal bleeding and the sharp pain. Weekly, I expressed my joy. Laughing with happiness. I face the star with a genuine smile. You are truly the sun that shines. 

'I said it once. I will say it again. You either get your act or I will use violence to literally knock some sense into you.' she scolded and aid Seohyun back to her feet. 'You aren't the only one, be it in suffering or in happiness.' she then picks up my lifeless body by the collar. 'You are not alone in this.' she says as our eye levels alined. Her eyes teary. My gaze a little cloudy. ' you.' we both said in unison. Then a hard blow right at the same spot, courtesy of my sun. The darkness never seem so soothing. A wonderful wash out into unconsciousness. One can only smile. One can only smile.