You sat there, doing your nails in silence. Extreme focus on drawing mickey onto your index nail. Did you become another Yul? Is mickey your new favourite character? Do you have such a big thing for younger males? I turned away. Looking at the crown of your head, makes the frustration grows. As the pettiness boils, the disgusts at my inabilities strengthens. With hands clenched tightly by the side, I barely paid attention to Emma Stone. 

I heaved a sigh. I’m watching spiderman. A bloody comic turned into film. Do I look like that sort of girl? What kind of ignorance do I hold? Playing at your interest in Marvel, I gained nothing. Nothing other than my stupidity being echoed around the dormitory. Can I swear. Like exclaim a full rainbow of profanity as a representation of my own internal turmoil from carrying the rainbow flag. colours, diversity, screw classification, screw you, no wait, me. 

Pathetic. 

Glancing back to you, as your tongue sticks out in concentration of placing a glitter piece onto its head. I want a bullet through his head. The kind that truly kills. I need to turn my mind off. Offing the television, I got up and headed into my room. Lying there, I stared at the indifferent ceiling lamp. How can you not know? The journey on this train wreck, just when can I get off? I want to get off. If what I am feeling is so damn wrong on so many damn level then please... ‘please.’ I whispered out my desperation. A tear escapes the stronghold of restrain. ‘I’m going insane.’ 

If I let it all out. Yelled at you, screamed to the next octave, will you understand me? Will you even bother to look back and stretch out your hand? Just like the good old days. Those days back then when joking with you had no ulterior motives, purely free flowing joy. Where had the innocence go? When I choose me and saw you shatter into a million bits? Was that the time? Don't you know that I'm a princess? Don't you know that I'm just that ed up? We go around talking about god damn bond yet you can barely figure out the truth cowardly hiding behind the plastic words. 

Suddenly, the door smashes wide open. The echo of wrath entering made me sit up straight. Your eyes piercing into mine. 'Did you not take your meds?' I glared and coated the plastic with venom. Confidently, I stride past you to gently close the door. Did that hit you hard somewhere? I'm not going to outburst. I'm going to be chil. Sophisticated. 

'Why are you back?' you ask coldly. I didn't dare face you hence I blinked while looking at the door. 'You bought a apartment. Shifted out, shut the main door. Told me, that we are strictly professional. Now why are you creeping around my home?' your words were expressed in frustrations. 'It is a dorm for all nine of us.' I replied back with facts. What else was I suppose to say? 'Nine?' she bitterly laughed. 'Yes. We are nine. Nine with one happy to be hanging at the edge. You said nine for the fans. Your heart left us when I... no we had to beg you to stay.' I turn to face your back. Was it crazy that I'm smiling at the singular noun being said before the pural?

'I'm taking this seriously. I said I am a professional. Why are you making a fuss about me staying in our dorm for a few days!' I made sure to emphasize the word 'our'. Upon my response, you turn around and violently slammmed me to the shut door. 'You shut the door. So don't act like you are the briliant one.' Eyes had no warmth to give. They had nothing but hate. 'I love you.' I say.

Silence. Your gaze soften then brows contorted due to confusion. 'What.' You breathe it out and took a step back. 'I love you.' I say once more and took a step towards you. 'Don't mind me for pleasure.' and with that you walked away from me, only to sit by the side of my bed. 'I'm not joking.' I told you as your visual had no me. 'I love you.' I proclaim again. This wasn't how I had evisioned my honesty to be. 

'Sica.' You called as you finally saw me. 'I don't.' We remained in that position. The only difference was my tears streaming down. 'I used to love you. Love you so dearly. Thought you were the one. Then you said no to me. Took it further by treathening to say no to the whole group. What do you expect me to do? Carry on withering away?' Your questions, frankly, pricked my conscience. Should I repond with excuses? A better packaged reason? What could I say? Things weren't suppose to be this way. 'So is this my Karma? Am I just a butterfly that was beautiful for that pathetic short lifespan?' I spat out indirect accusations that turned the victim into the murderer. 

Your eyes searched mine, seeking something. Most probably, hoping to locate the fact that I still have logic. Even I knew that last attack was an all time low. I am sly. Yet now, maybe I have evolved to despicable. 'I loved you for a good 3 years, at least. You don't have the right to turn this on me. I never ever pushed you. I stayed beside. I lingered behind. I simply wanted to be there for your smiles.' You stand, walked till you faced me directly. 'Don't. Don't make this a drama.' you drove your point home by sincerely looking at me. 

'Please.' 

You kissed my tears. my hair. Gave me a tight hug that lasted for a measely five seconds. Next you opened the door just to let it be the boarder between us.