The four walls surrounded us. A single queen size bed with sheets neatly tucked and pillows all nicely stacked, displayed in the middle. There we were. Both facing the left wall with the old plain round clock that she got three years ago. We sat there with a few inches apart. Neither of our hands touched. It just stayed apart.

Either of us could have said something. I mean after all 4 years did meant something. Yet we both didn't. The days of mindlessly yelling with none listening were put behind us. Some call that maturing. I call it reasonable hiding. This in a way is bullsh*t. Our love. My love. 

My head naturally turn and face her. You are still mine. Am I still yours? The fear, the saddness, the feeling of being lost, is seeping from within. Our forever was that our destination or was it only my expectation? Those light droplets flow down as the heavy heart continues to sink. I could only watch your facial beauty. How your eyes didn't glitter. How your nose seemed a little too high. How your lips no longer beamed with warmth. Did I take them away or are you simply facing away?

I sit here, with you not looking at me with a loving gaze but viewing the wall, while your brain poses more question into mine. My hand raises a mere inch off the soft duvet then lands back to its initial spot. Does that action make me a coward? By pausing all movements and only watching you intendly, will you understand how I'm wearing my heart on my sleeves already?

You stand. It can't be termed as sudden. It was more of a natural progression. Instead of pulling you back down and hugging you tightly, my eyes just saw your actions in frame by frame. Silence rolled on. You stood still. I remebered another time, a happier time, a time where your back view emitted a aura of exhilaration due to our love. Time. Time never can stay still but our relationship can right? I'm staring intensely at your back. This is my way of holding you back. An imaginary extension of my arms, pleading with you not to leave. 

Tears continously to fall but I am not doing anything to ease my fall. You standing upright at the spot. Are you giving me more precious time to act on my intent or are you just weighing your options? Please give me more time. My body is in too numb to understand my screaming heart that holds you so high up. Turn around, face me, look into my soul's window. Don't discount my love just because of my body's stupidity. Please.

'Three Questions by Lang Leav.' You said calmy. 

'What was it like to love him? Asked Gratitude.

It was like being exhumed, I answered. And bought to life in a flash of brilliance.

What was it like to be loved in return? Asked Joy.

It was like being seen after a perpetual darkness, I replied. To be heard after a lifetime of silence.

What was it like to lose him? Asked Sorrow.

There was a long pause before I responded: 

It was like hearing every goodbye ever said to me - said all at once.'

My heart crashed, hit an all time low. You finally looked at me. Your dry eyes forming a direct line to mine. 'Say something, because all I'm hearing is goodbye.' You state. I inhaled, an attempt to halt the useless crying. Inside somewhere deep down, I get it. I am fully able to comprehend her message. In addtion, am fully aware and conscious of the limited time I had on my love. 

I stood. Took a step and turned you with my bony arms on her shoulder. 'I love you.' You declared. I nod my head. It was nice to have my doubts erased. I was no plaything. I was no experimentation. Then I turn you back around, helping you face the oak door. Your head dropped. I could feel the hurt, your disappointment. I lifted my head up to the plain white ceiling. Back down, I faced your brown hair then let one step separate our bodies. 

'I love you. However, you smiled after kissing him in the open park. I can only be jealous of other couples as I recall the kiss we shared in the darkness of of our solitude. You can only proclaim your love for me in the confinement of my apartment. You shyly said you love him with all your friends and family at the dinning table. I, we, will only be a secret. One that is wrapped with lies. With him, it will be a celebrated joy. I'm not saying anything.'

I faced down at the cold wooden floor. My mind parrallel yet simultaneously in line with the black box of my heart. 'I'm just letting you decide.' I didn't dare look up. I closed my eyes and let the internal battle be like a tornado ripping me apart. My tears ensues.

'I love you so much.' You say with a slight tremble. A tone that doesn't hide your sorrow. Then with steps that kills, you head out, away from my small small frame. When the faint sound of main door being closed could be heard, I simply reply in between the sobs. 'Me too.'