This isn't my place

We were ushered in and, being girls, we were given a pink rose bracelet. I place a finger to twirl the elastic ribbon. My nervous eyes gazing around the crowded place. I gulp down in fear. So this is the wonders of being in the presence of your God’s hawk like eyes. The trickles of cold sweat slowly slithered down the side of my face and down my back.

‘Aren’t you amazed that you didn’t get strike by lightning at the entrance.’ Yoong whispered with a grin. I glared at her from the corner of my eyes. ‘Funny.’ She raise her eyebrows in mischief. I roll my eyes in annoyance. Why did I tick the plus one box when I mailed my confirmation? Why? I asked the statue that I am against. 

‘Taengoo!’ Startled as my silent conversation was interrupted, my whole back stiffed up. Slowly, I turned around. ‘H...hey...’ What a great answer. Irregardless, I smiled at the only person who knew about the past. ‘Never expected you to be here.’ 

I pat Yoong’s shoulder’s to get her to stand up. She glared at me. Then, instantly smiled at the reason for my fierce finger striking her shoulder. ‘Hey Sica Unnie!’ Her brows furrow together. ‘Well that this I would never expect.’ She smirks. ‘Hello there Yoong!’ They embrace in happiness, I fidget in awkwardness.

They share a little private conversation as my eye wandered all around this place that is killing me. I tugged at my collar. ‘Stuffy?’ I shake my head. ‘Taengoo is just feeling warm from all the attention from a special someone.’ Sica’s ambigeous message understood. Hence, my eyes looked away. Their small talk continued. I was barely concentrating as the heat of my sinful ways brought me to the brink of suffocation. 

‘Excuse us Yoongie.’ Sica took my hand and guided me out of the chapel. Once out of His watchful gaze, my breath became heavy. It was as if I had experienced a shortage of oxygen the whole time in there. ‘Seriously.’ She lightly pat my back as I gathered myself. 

Apart from my inappropriate panting, only the soft breeze provided the melody. ‘And she said the past is all that.’ I stood back up and face her. ‘It is.’ She disregard my comment with ‘pff’. I hate it that she knows so much. ‘Seems like you are still part of the minority.’ She didn’t face me but the tree leaves faraway. 

I the back of the front row of teeth. Letting out a breath, I still didn’t know the words. ‘Whatever it is that you are here. Whatever may be your reason for showing yourself. To finally be here with us instead of through another form of technological medium.’ Her eyes pierce straight at mine. ‘Nice knowing you had a face instead of a screen Taeng. Real nice of you to show up.’ The words spun together with the venom of my idiocy.

She didn’t wait for my respond. With confident strides, she headed back in. I watch as she slowly blended into the sea of people. All of whom, who seem so different with their bright smiles and mingling. It was like this crowd... ...this crowd that I am capturing in my sight, ascertain that I am the intruder here.

The question wasn’t why did I bring Yoong along as my plus one. It was why did I even agreed to be here. This side of the world that I’m viewing was not meant for me. I’m that girl. That little kid that is holding onto the wooden frame of the fence. 

What am I doing? Just what am I doing?

The long lost tears provide its renewed efficiency as a single drop rolled down.