What Is Love?

1.JEWEL

Feat Hayeon

'Nights. Have fun but be safe alright?' She rolls her eyes at my motherly words. 'Taetae ah I'm a CALI girl.' Fany made sure to do her signature usa kind of action. I heave a sigh as my weary heart didn't like it that we were apart by a freaking ocean. 'Okay okay. Stop the pouting I will be fine. Peace out!' She does a peace sign and waves at me through the computer. Yay for technology but boo for it have limitations. 

'UNNIE!' I jumped up in shock and turn my laptop screen to face the wall. Hayeon just looks at me innocently with her big eyes in confusion. 'Yes?' I speak calmly. Obvious to anyone above 12 that I was such a bad liar at trying to cover up my inappropraitness. 'Oppa told me to stay in your room.' It was my turn to be confused. As my mouth was about to enquire about Oppa's weird statement, Oppa had popped his head in with a grin. 'Keep her there. There is vigourous excersising of love is going on.' With that he was gone. To where I wasn't so sure. Still I sent a quick wish that it was to the receptionist. 

Oh why did I have to click the wrong date. I look around at the motel. Well one must say that the brownish patterned wall paper illuminated by the orange lighting did seemed much less in my haste to cover up my mistake. I heave out another sigh. I, Kim Taeyeon, am a my-pace person. 'Unnie.' Hayeon calls out sweetly. I snapped out of my thoughts and faced her. 'What is vigourous excersising of love?' She looks at me with such pure innocence that is soon to be stain by her curiousoity. I clenched my fist, cursing in my head at Oppa, smiling sweetly at my baby sister. 

'Will I like it? I like sports. P.E is so fun!' She reveals with a bright smile. However my jaw had already fallen with her opening question. In consideration, she pushes up my lower jaw. 'Erm..maybe...?' I spoke like a timid mouse. She nods her head. 'Then can we try it now?' My jaw fell once more. Once again, she closes it naturally. We shared a breif moment looking at each other. She waiting for an approval at an assumed new game. On the other hand, I frantically searching for ways to get out of this and whack oppa senselessly later.

My hand tap her shoulder lightly. 'Let us sit...' my eyes drifted to the bed. 'Down.' She gave me a weird look after inspecting the floor. 'Or not..' I looked around the room and somehow my brain could only focus on the 'forbbiden' bed at the moment. 'Okay. We aren't going to that excersis. Because....' I stumbled for the words to continue. I don't talk about it!!!! Ah my mind is going on a rapid circular motion of panic.

'You are underage and it needs to be done with the person that you love.' I sped through that line. The old lightbulb in my head that is meant for ages 13 and below only do light up once in awhile. 'But I love you.' She expresses sincerely and expossing me of how faultly my lightbulb is. Curses. 'And I do too...but that isn't the...right love?' What am I explaining? 'Unnie there is a wrong love?' Her eyes round again in shock. I am so failing this. I heave out a sign. 

'No there isn't...what I meant is there are various form of love. Like I loving you as my adorable sister. You loving Junnie. Umma loving us... well you know...they aren't all the same...' She nods along, paying attention to my miserable speech. 'So in order to do that sport another love needs to be there. Love like Umma and Appa's only.' Hayeon halts her nodding and blinks once. 'Hmph. Why are they so selfish. Can't we all play together?' She folds her arm in annoyance at being left out of the loop that was simply not meant for her. 

My head naturally tilted down for a moment. 'That game is complicated. So the doings are usually between two people as they need a strong amount of mutual love for each other in order to... ...' I swear my face is blushing. I can feel myself heating up. 'Play together?' She finishes up my sentence without a clue about how near the mark she had struck. 'Unnie will I ever get to play?' My throat is dry. Gosh where is that Oppa! 'Maybe.' I force out a smile. 'When you find someone to love as strong as Umma and Appa.' I pat her head. Praying that I had hit the off switch of this terrible and awkward topic.

Stupid Oppa why couldn’t he be the one doing this. ‘Unnie have you ever been in that kind of special love?’ Hearing that, my mind went back to the days. The better days. My throat dried up. The heart was back the conflicted rhythm of beating. Should I tell her the truth? ‘So you did!’ Hayeon happily exclaimed in the background. Aigoo why did she had to be right. ‘Unnie so what is it! Was it fun?’ Her excitement filled the room while I bit my lower lip. Thinking how do I tell the story of you and I. The story of how love, to me, is nothing but hell and heaven mixed in one. How do I tell my little sister without tainting her eyes that sees the world as a beauty? I didn’t know. However I knew that I had to tell her about you.

‘So? What is it? Who is it? Does Umma know? Did you want to keep it a secret? Oooo have I seen that person before...hdksmd’
I had clamped my hand over . All the questions that she had shot out was bound to give me a headache. ‘If you want to know then you’ll be a good girl and listen. I did love someone but I didn't play the sport. PLUS no telling anyone. Understood?’ Her eyes simply lit up. Delighted with the fact that she had managed to get into another secret of mine. One that makes love something so... ... unforgettable.

“I first met love when I didn’t expect it. It wasn’t love at first sight. It was simply a fascination at how this human could differ from one another by such great distance. You know like you, that person would always be smiling. Then the next minute crying due to some show or something. It was like the face was meant to portray every single emption inside. No barriers, no pretense. The occasional clumsy mistake. The simple brushing off of failure and igniting the required desire towards a goal at a bigger intensity. Through that person, I saw what I had lacked. The lack of honestly communicating with those around.’

I looked at Hayeon. Her eyes fixed on mine. The same look as when I told her the bed time stories of fairy dusts and unicorns. However this was reality, a true account. Hence I avoided messing up her simple basic definition of love between two people. A guy and a girl. However not mentioning how great of a she she is, some how doesn’t make this story that complete.

‘Hayeon...shall we give that person a name?’ She raised her left eyebrow in confusion. Guess I should have keep quiet instead of pointing out the obvious flaw in my story. ‘How about Timmy? Timmyyyyy~ the train. Like the one we saw yesterday at the big big station!’ She started to stand on my bed doing the weirdest interpretation of how a train moves. ‘Hayeon.’ I pulled her back down from embarrassment. ‘It is Thomas the train, not Timmy the train.’Instead of nodding her head in agreement and acknowledge what I said to be the accurate fact, the little child in front pouted with bloated cheeks. ‘TIMMMMYYYYY!’ She yells at me. Eh? I sighed. Oh wells, what harm would it do if she remembered a talking train name wrongly. ‘Timmy it shall be.’ Resigning to the name that somehow is making her smile from ear to ear. Children can be so easily amused.

‘Unnie. So you love Timmy cause Timmy is fascinating? Does Timmy sparkles? Unnie always did like shiny.’ Her eyes became round with excitement. I just look at her in disbelief. Did she really believe that human could sparkle? Amajing. I mean Amazing. ‘No Timmy doesn’t sparkle but it twinkles and shines brightly.’ She became even more excited. Somehow I could feel that we’re on a very different frequency of conversing. ‘Timmy is jewels!!! Timmy is expensive...Is that why Unnie isn’t telling anyone about it?’ Aigoo...I used my right hand to cover my face. Then, lifelessly letting my hand slide away and back to resting beside my body. 

‘Hayeon ah, love isn’t something bought. It is expensive but rather unattainable. Do you get what I’m trying to say?’ She shakes her head.‘Unattainable?’ Thesaurus. I needed a kids version thesaurus. ‘Like you can’t have it even if you need it.’ At the corner of my eye, I see peas. Thank you soft toy.

‘Like if you want a pea, you can ask and take it. Correct?’ She slowly nodded her head. ‘But in the case of love, there are many factors to consider. You can’t just ask and take. You got to...give, then try to understand the pea...then hopefully the pea wants you too.’ Now her eyes was a blank stare at me. Oh great. I’m like just digging further and further just to hit the jackpot of Hayeon’s massive confusion. ‘What I’m trying to say is that love isn’t simple. You may be in love but you may not have love.’ Her eyebrows were nearly joined. Was she angry?! What?

‘Unnie did Timmy not fetch you? Unnie I’ll go spank Timmy for you.’ At that I couldn’t help but give a light chuckle. Was I laughing at her simple interpretation or her kind will in wanting to make me happy? I didn’t know. All I did know was that Hayeon can be so adorable at times. ‘Hayeon. It wasn’t Timmy’s fault. I didn’t even buy the ticket to see Timmy. There was a long queue and various people looking out for Timmy. Plus even if I did buy the ticket, I’ll be thrown out of Timmy by her security.’ I patted her head, in an attempt to help her let off some steam.

Focusing only on her head, i straightened out her the messy few strands. A habit of mine. Once finished, I look back at her. I gulped a huge chunk of my saliva as I was greated with her teary eyes. ‘Hayeon ah whats wrong.’ My hands quickly wiping it off. ‘Unnie. Why they so mean to you?’ she then proceeded to wrap her tiny frame around my waist. Was she the one providing the comfort or was it I comforting her. In that split second that line was a blur. On the other hand, the surrounding faded into nothing but colors and all I knew was the love of my sister.

her back, I calmly said, ‘they aren’t mean. They are just trying to protect Timmy from any harm. They are good people. Even though I love Timmy and can only watch Timmy from a far, I’m still happy cause Timmy is smiling.’ She looked up at me in doubt. ‘You sure, Unnie?’ I smiled down at my little angel. ‘Yes Hayeon. Cause love makes one smile in one way or another. Like when Timmy is happy, I’ll be happy. Like how if Hayeon is smiling, I’ll be smiling.’ She immediately sat up straight and started wiping away her tears. Then she smiled at me with her best effort. I smiled back and pat her head.

‘Love is the jewel that makes one smile.’ That was the one line of Hayeon’s rough idea of love. Simple and factual. Cause at the end of the day even without the great knowledge of all wisdom, innocence brought her to see the light in love. The light that I hope will forever remain in my sister’s view of love.

'Alright. Erm...we will go find Oppa.' So that I can kick him once really hard at his love vehicle. I closed the door while gently guiding hayeon out. Unknown to me, the little green light of my Mac Air was still shinning brightly.