C.10: The Proposal.

We spent most of the afternoon sightseeing and visiting their local stores. The contains of the white box remained a mystery. The key was placed into Taeyeon’s hand. ‘Now. I give you the skyline, you give me your responsible side.’ She nods her head. The man in a suit pats her head. Then, send me a creepy smile which earned him a playful punch by Taeyeon. 

‘Yes yes. Have fun kids.’ He waves goodbye and left us. ‘What was that?’ She shrouds her shoulders. ‘Let’s go.’ She takes my hand. Taking a look at our joined hands, it seems so fitting. ‘Watch the gap.’ I look up in respond. Hence, I trip over the small gap she warned me about. Lucky for me, our joined hands saved me. ‘Clumsy on cue.’ She mischievously teased me. I pouted at her. ‘Come on.’ We entered the lift and she pressed for the highest level.

The moment the doors opened, the view made me swoon. It was amazingly breathtaking. My legs walked towards the beauty in front. She let go of my hand as she allowed me to freely absorb the full gorgeous of Paris.  ‘Tae...Tae...this is...’ She cuts me off suddenly. ‘Taetae. I like that pet name.’ What? I spun around and faced her in puzzlement. ‘Sounds better than darling.’ Her funny korean pronunciation of ‘darling’ evoked a slight giggle from me. 

She took the steps towards me. ‘Fany.’ My left eyebrow lifted a little higher than right. ‘A fitting simple pet name for my lover.’ What? I pushed her lightly for her continued nonsense. I proceeded to walk away and enjoy the view. I sat down on the bench as my eyes embrace the full view. After a moment, she took the seat beside me. Her left hand softly laid upon my right. 

‘Tae, what are you doing?’ Neither of us looked at each other. ‘What is today?’ I could hear her feet shuffle against the floor. ‘For you.’ I slowly turn and face her. ‘You said you wanted to meet the man of your dreams at 25, marry by 27. So...’ She suddenly picked up the mysterious box. Opening it, there sat a creme brulee surrounded by raspberry macaronis and a great amount of dry ice. ‘Sweets?’ In this midst of being lost, my hand automatically picked one macaroni. 

She smiles at me and places the box at the other side of the seat. ‘Fany. Would you marry me?’ Immediately, I started to cough in attempts to clear my throat. ‘Tae...’ I looked at her in bewilderment. ‘You don’t have to. I mean... ...of course I will miss the possibility of the future but I’m happy now. Honestly.’ I tried to transmit my sincerity and gratitude towards her. 

Without any words, she maintained her gaze on me. Her right hand suddenly reaches over and softly touches my cheek. ‘I know.’ My heart beats faster. Resulting in my head to lean into her palm. Closing my eyes to fully soak up her warmth. ‘But I want to’ What is she doing? What is she doing to me? What is am I doing?

Before I could find the answers, I felt her soft lips on mine. At that point of contact, a tear rolled down. Life is hard. Life is complex. However I’m dying. Most importantly, I’m happy now. Somehow this train of thoughts doesn’t bring a sense of warmth but a aching in my heart. This is why at that point, when the kiss exposed the pandora’s box of all the possibilities of my lost future, tears stream down.

I’m sure she could feel the dampness but all she did was deepen the intensity of her kiss. Thus, I broke the contact. ‘This isn’t it.’ I tuck away the loose strand of her hair. ‘You are so sweet.’ My hand fell to graze past her cheek. ‘But don’t. I’m going. There is only nothing that lies ahead. Find a better person.’ My thumb wiped away her tears. She tilted her head slightly backwards. ‘Thank you.’ 

She bit her lower lip in an attempt to stop crying. Her eyes conveying the message of her wants. I weakly smiled at her. The silence rides through us while a whole mix of emotions swirled in between us. 

The way back down carried on the silence. Even through the whole taxi ride, only the classical music of the radio filled our conversational void. The Ritz greeted me. Opening the door, hesitation paused me from swiftly exiting the taxi. Taking one more breath, I got out and walked straight towards my suit. Not once did I turn back. As to live was to look forward, so here I am. I’m walking straight ahead, without looking back. So don’t look back. Taeyeon shi, don’t look back.