B.1: A New Year. Indeed.

We stayed in the car. Hidden behind the tinted glass. Who are we? The rest will never know. Our hands no longer entangled as if it were first nature. The way they fit were slightly off in their dimensions. Still, none of us bothered to voice out that tiny discrepancy between us. We always remain silent. 

Silence. The word so conflicting and contradicting. It provides comfort and amplify the knowledge of the growing elephant in our closet. I exhale. You inhale. This simple act echos the deep volumes of how we reached a new stage of life. The part that screams one of us is bound to be left behind.

The surrounding trees’ leafs barely moved, no car in motion, no lights clearly illuminating the whole place. Every one and thing seemed to be asleep. Enjoying the deep slumber, away from the chilly winter night. Right...she gets cold easily. I stretched behind for the spare blanket I always brought along. 

It was pink,soft and a blanket she cherished. Now grey, old and slightly less warm. This is the evident effect of wear and tear. Even so, I wrapped it around her. She smiled in appreciation. My mind couldn’t help but wonder is this the last moment? Are we finally going to lift the dusty carpet that had sheltered us for the past 3 years?

My eyes fixated on the key that will unleash the avalanche. I noticed the slight twitch in her lips. I could only heave out a sigh. The time is now. The time is now... ...

‘Taeyon ah.’ My gaze on her. ‘What are we?’ I leaned my head back. The question swirling around the brain like a glass of wine. It has been awhile since either of us had popped the question. In a sense, this was familiarity. The rare ounce among us that stayed true to the first trembles in our hearts when we agreed to do ... this. 

This. 

I let out a sigh. ‘Yea.’ I stared straight ahead this time round. ‘What are we?’ It was her turn to let out air of exasperation. The us trapped in the confinement of a bubble. The we that deluded in the amazing powers of love and ignorance. Now that the tinted mirror is allowing a greater clarity of vision, just how much of the truth can we hold before we shatter the glass around?

‘Is it time?’ I heard the slight grinding between her small teeth. Those tiny square brackets that I shared a fondness for. The two rows that permitted the passion of tongues to enter when the heat was high. 

At the corner of my eye, I noticed how she still shivers under the blanket. I have to admit. Reality is smacking my face with facts. The heat has died a little. ‘Are we?’ She didn’t need specifications. When sentences are unfinished, it sends a louder message. 

My hand went through the straight path that my hair provided. The straight arrow on the curvy path of nowhere. So this is where it has lead me to. Whoever said that the wrong had no destination was incorrect. 

Look at us. I did. I saw us through the rear view mirror.  I took in a deep breath. ‘Done.’ I bit my lower lip. She slowly nodded her head. So this was the end of the act. No fuss, no hustle, all we are, all we did was to wave our white flag silently. 

Spending another hour in silence as individuals. We were no longer a we. Thinking about that sentence, the hearts pricks a little. I pushed the gear into drive. Before the stepping on the accelerator, she mumbles, ‘Happy new year.’ I look down then back up at the distancing view. ‘Happy new year.’ 

A three point turn. Our backs now facing the parking lot and us. This is a new year. A new one indeed.