“Who are you?” Those were the first words Ricky spoke when Seungho and Changjo were finally able to enter the room to see him. Changjo stood there stunned, not daring to move over to Ricky after hearing those three words. He couldn’t believe it. No he didn’t want to believe it; could his best friend since kindergarten really have forgotten him? But then his breath caught in his throat when Ricky looked directly at him and everything started moving in slow motion as he opened his mouth leaving Changjo nervous about what the next words out of his mouth would gonna be.

            “Changjo, who is this? Is this your new boyfriend? What happened to Yongguk? Did you guys break up?” Ricky asked and Changjo let out a soft sigh, happy that Ricky didn’t forget about him, but still a little worried that Ricky didn’t know who Seungho was.

            “Um, Ricky…this is Seungho. He goes to my college and he’s your friend,” Changjo said and Ricky looked at him weird before grabbing his head and looking away from them.

            “Ah…sorry. My doctor said that I might have some memory lost but...you said your name is Seungho?” Ricky asked him as he looked at the older boy with saddened eyes. He felt bad that he couldn’t remember someone; especially someone that Changjo said was a friend of his.

            “Yea…it’s nice to meet you again, I guess,” Seungho said as he placed a small smile on his face. He wasn’t upset that Ricky couldn’t remember him since he was still happy that Ricky was overall alright and most importantly awake.

            “Nice to meet you too,” Ricky said, bowing his head slightly from his bed before turning back to Changjo, “You said he’s your friend from college right? So…you’ve started your freshman year already?” Ricky asked as he tried to recall some of his memories, but also staring at Changjo to help him fill in some of the blanks.

            “Um…exactly how much do you actually remember Ricky? When’s the last time you remember seeing me?”

            Ricky looked at Changjo for another second before turning away to gaze out the window. He remained silent, looking as if he was deep in thought and after what seemed like five minutes, he brought his attention back to Changjo.

            “After your going away party. You had come over to my place, wondering where I was and…oh so that means you and Yongguk aren’t together anymore right?” Ricky said as he rubbed his forehead, doing his best to remember any details he could. Before anyone in the room could start speaking again, the door opened and in walked Yongguk, practically rushing over to Ricky’s bed before throwing his arms around the smaller boy.

            “Oh Ricky! Oh thank God you’re awake!! How are you? Do you feel ok?! You aren’t hurting or anything right?!” Yongguk asked as he kept turning Ricky’s body every which way, before forcibly being pulled off of him by Changjo.

            “What do you think you’re doing here?” Changjo spat out and Yongguk looked at him for only but a moment before then pulling Changjo into his arms.  

            “Let go of me!”          

            “No, I won’t and if you must know, I’m here to see if Ricky is ok,” Yongguk said and Changjo pushed the older boy off of him.

            “You’re only here because of Himchan!  Not because of Ricky!!”

            “I’m also here because of you and I want you back. I want you to stop hating me over this. Look Ricky is ok, but Himchan….my best friend, he’s not.”

            “And whose fault is that?! He did this to himself!” Changjo yelled and just as Yongguk was going to respond Ricky spoke up.

            “Himchan? Where is he? What happened to him? Is he ok? Can I see him?” Ricky asked and both Changjo and Seungho looked at him with wide eyes.

            “Ricky-ah, I don’t think that is a good idea. I know you don’t remember me or anything but I promise you that it’s not a good idea for you to be meeting up with Himchan,” Seungho said causing Ricky to look from this unknown “friend” of his to Changjo.

            “Changjo is something wrong? What happened to Himchan hyung? Why can’t I see him?” Ricky asked slowly working himself up.

            “You can see him if you want Ricky. I know he’ll be happy to see you too,” Yongguk then spoke up and Changjo looked at the older boy as if he could stab him right now.

            “What do you mean he can see him?! Ricky is not going anywhere near that ing monster ever again!” Changjo spat out, causing Yongguk to look at him with hurt eyes.

            “Changjo, you and I both know that what happened was an accident. And I know that Himchan would love to see Ricky right now. He was in tears when I told him that he was awake, so you should let them see each other and work things out for themselves. Then while they’re working things out, we can sort out whatever issues we seem to be having,” Yongguk said and Changjo scoffed at him.

            “How about no. I’m not letting Ricky go near him. Period.”

            “I want to see him,” Ricky said softly and Changjo looked at him with disbelief in his eyes.

            “Ricky, you don’t understand…”

            “No, I want to see him. Yongguk hyung, can you take me to see him?” Ricky asked Yongguk and Yongguk looked from Ricky’s face to his angry boyfriends face before saying,

            “Sure, of course I’ll take you to see him. As soon as the doctor says you’re ok to leave we’ll go and see him ok?”

            “Thank you,” Ricky said with a large smile on his face.

            “No problem and Changjo, can I talk to you for a second…outside?” Yongguk asked him and Changjo shook his head.

            “I have nothing to discuss with you.”

            “Well I have some things that I’d like to say to you. So let’s go,” Yongguk said as he took a hold of Changjo’s arm and led him out of Ricky’s room.

            Yongguk dragged him completely outside of the hospital so that they wouldn’t disturb anyone else, knowing that this wasn’t going to be a “calm” conversation. As soon as they were outside he turned to Changjo and pulled him into another hug just like he did earlier and once again Changjo pushed him away.

            “Changjo, can we stop this already?”

            “Stop what? I’m not the one here trying to get a murderer off the hook,” he said bluntly and Yongguk let out a harsh sigh.   

            “Himchan hasn’t murdered anyone.”

            “Oh my bad, attempted murder.”

            “Changjo, you and I both know that’s not what that was and look, obviously Ricky isn’t upset with him, so why are you?” Yongguk asked and Changjo looked at him like he was crazy.

            “RICKY DOESN’T EVEN REMEMBER!” Changjo screamed out only to be shushed by Yongguk.

            “No, don’t ing shush me! You want Ricky to meet the person that put him in that hospital bed for what reason? Just so he can remember all the pain that Himchan caused him? So he can relive that day again?” Changjo asked and Yongguk shook his head.

            “Of course not, but I’m just giving Ricky what he wants. If he wants to meet Himchan then why deny him that. I bet he’ll even forgive Himchan for what happened when Himchan tells him.”

            “What makes you think Himchan would even tell him the truth?” Changjo asked and Yongguk shrugged his shoulders.

            “I don’t know. I just feel like he would but I don’t want to talk about them right now. I want to talk about us. Are you really going to leave me because of this?” Yongguk asked Changjo seriously.

            “I don’t know. Wouldn’t you leave me if it was the other way around?”

            “No.”

            “No?” Changjo questioned.

            “That’s right, I wouldn’t and that’s because I love you too much to leave you over something like this. I would be upset and need my space from you, which honestly I have given you, but I would eventually want to be together again,” Yongguk said sincerely but Changjo was still having his reservations about going back to him that easily.

            “I don’t know…I think I need some more space and time to think about this,” Changjo said as he played with the ring on his finger. Yongguk noticed this and took that hand into his, running his thumb over the ring finger.

            “And I need you,” Yongguk said as he moved closer to him, getting ready to kiss Changjo but Changjo turned his head so that he couldn’t.

            “Hyung…I said I need time,” Changjo reiterated and Yongguk let out a soft sigh as he let go off Changjo’s hand.

            “Alright. I get it, but I don’t want to be strung along. Just tell me right now, are you breaking up with me or not?” he asked and Changjo turned his gaze back to Yongguk’s before lowering it down to the ring on his hand. He took slowly took the ring off of his finger looked up to see Yongguk’s face. He saw the sadness that was written all over it and as he held the ring in his hand, he couldn’t bring himself to give it back to the older male, because he knew that no matter how mad he was at him, he didn’t want to be gone from him for good.

            “No,” he said as he slid the ring back onto his finger, “I’m not breaking up with you, but I do need my space. It’s going to take me some time to forgive you, so please, can you at least give me that?” Changjo asked and Yongguk nodded his head with a smile on his face.

            “Of course,” he said as leaned down and placed a kiss on Changjo’s forehead, “Will you at least come over to see me sometimes though? Like tonight?”

            “Hyung…space?”

            “I know but…I just wanted to cook for you and spend a little bit of time with you, since seeing as you’ve been avoiding me for so long,” Yongguk said and Changjo let out a soft sigh.

            “I’ll see if I can stop by, but only for a little while, ok?”

            “Alright, that’s fine, see you later,” Yongguk said before leaving the hospital, deciding he’ll come back another day to talk to Ricky about seeing Himchan, but at the current moment he was happy that Changjo wasn’t going to break up with him.

            Changjo had gone back inside and he was happy to see Seungho and Ricky chatting with each other. Ricky’s mom was even in the room, smiling and joking around with them. Ricky was the first one to notice Changjo and quickly called him over.

            “Did you and Yongguk make up? I don’t know why you and Seungho hyung are so against me seeing Himchan but I’m happy that Yongguk is willing to take me,” Ricky said and as soon as Himchan’s name left his mouth, Changjo could see Ricky’s mom’s face visibly whiten.

            “Y-You’re going to see him?” she asked and Ricky nodded his head happily. Telling her how Yongguk was going to take him.

            “But…why? I mean…”

            Ms. Yoo, it’s ok. He’s in jail right now, so Ricky won’t get hurt again,” Changjo said to both try and calm down Ricky’s mom as well as to slowly let Ricky know the truth.

            “W-What do you mean he’s in jail? What happened?! Why would he be in jail?!” Ricky exclaimed, working himself up again.

            “Shh…calm down Ricky. He’s…well he’s in jail because he’s the reason that you’re in that hospital bed and have been in a coma for the last month,” Changjo said calmly, trying his best not to upset Ricky, even though he knew no matter how he said it, Ricky was going to be upset.

            “No…no he would never hurt me. He would never!! He loves me!” Ricky exclaimed, shaking his head, not believing the words that were coming out of Changjo’s mouth.

            “It’s true. We went to your apartment and saw you on the ground, not moving, Himchan was there, on the floor crying over your body. He thought he had killed you, luckily he didn’t,” Seungho added in and Ricky continued to shake his head.

            “No! I don’t even know you! You’re lying to me,” Ricky continued and Changjo couldn’t take it.

            “It’s true Ricky! He even admitted to it himself! That’s why he’s in jail right now. Look,” Changjo dug the letters that Himchan had written to Ricky out of the drawer and placed them on his bed, “he’s even written you letters apologizing for it, but if you still want to go and see the person that almost killed you, then fine. Be my guest!” Changjo exclaimed before storming out of the room, with Seungho right on his heels, calling out his name.

            “Changjo! Stop!” he exclaimed as he finally caught up to him and grabbed his arm, stopping him in the process.

            “What was all of that in there?!”

            “I’m done Seungho! If he wants to still see him after knowing all of that then he’s free to do so, but I’m not supporting him if he does!”

            “Listen, you need to calm down and fast!” Seungho said as he grabbed Changjo by the shoulders and looked him square in his eyes, “Ricky has been awake for less than 48 hours and the last thing he needs is you going off on him, especially since he can’t even recall all of his memories,” Seungho said sternly.

            “I know…I know that. I just can’t stand to see him making a stupid decision like that,” Changjo said and Seungho shook his head.

            “You didn’t even give him a chance to process the information that you had just sprung on him,” Seungho said as he ran his fingers roughly through his hair, “You know what, I think you need to go back and clear your head and then come and see Ricky again tomorrow or whenever you’ve calmed down a little bit.”

            “Who are you to tell me that I can’t see my best friend?”

            “I’m not telling you that you can’t see him. I’m saying that you just need to calm down some before you see him again, but if you want to go back in there and yell at him some more, then be my guest, but I promise you that that will be your last time seeing him if you do,” Seungho said seriously.

            “Whatever,” Changjo said as he turned away from Seungho and walked out of the hospital. He didn’t want to deal with it right now. He wanted to get away from all of it. From everything and everyone that reminded him of Ricky. So he got in his car and drove. He just kept driving, no real destination in mind until he eventually ended up in front of a large estate. Changjo had been driving for almost four hours before he arrived but now that he was here, he almost wanted to turn around.

            You’ve just driven for four hours. The least you can do is say hello, Changjo told himself as he rang the intercom so that someone could open the gate so he could drive up to the house. Soon he heard a gruff voice come through the machine, asking who he was. He took a small breath to calm himself and said,

            “Kim Changjo. I’m here to see Jihae-ssi.”

            “Is she expecting you?” the voice asked and Changjo shook his head, before answering no, realizing that he probably should’ve called or at least texted first to see if she was at least home.

            “She’s not, but if you tell her that I’m here I know she’ll want to see me.”

            There was silence on the other end for a while, until soon the gate in front of him opened and he drove up the road to the front of the house where Jihae was already standing, waiting excitedly for him. He parked the car and walked over to her and she quickly wrapped her arms around him.

            “Oh my god! What are you doing here Changjo?! Not that I’m not happy to see you. It’s just such an unexpected surprise and oh, come in! Let me show you the house!” she exclaimed as she dragged him around the house and started to give him a mini tour of the place. That was until he stopped her and told her that he didn’t need one.

            “Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I’m getting a little carried away since I wasn’t expecting you to come and see me out of the blue like this. Come, are you hungry?” she asked as she started leading him to the kitchen. Changjo felt his stomach growl at the mention of food and nodded his head as she started rummaging through the fridge looking for something to eat.

            “Oh…Jihae-ssi, are you hungry? I can prepare a meal for you and your guest if you’d like,” an older woman, who Changjo assumed to be one of Jihae’s many housekeepers, said but Jihae shook her head no, saying that she could prepare something herself before dismissing the woman.

            “So what would you like Changjo? I can make you anything you want…or well, I can try,” she said as she laughed to herself a bit.

            “How about we just have some ramen?”

            “Ramen? You don’t want a real meal. I can make some rice and maybe some kimchi jjigae or…”

            “Ramen will be fine. I don’t want to trouble you to make so much food and maybe we could have some soju with it?”

            “Soju? But...” Jihae was about to protest before remembering that the baby that she once took care of was no longer a baby but instead a young man. So she let out a sigh and said, “Yea, sure, but only one bottle ok?”

            “Ok,” Changjo agreed.

            “So, what brings you here so suddenly?” Jihae decides to ask as she stirring the ramen, trying to bring the noodles to the right consistency. Changjo shrugged his shoulders, not that she could see, before downing a shot of soju and saying:

            “I don’t know. I guess I just needed to get away to think.”

            “Is something going on? You know you can talk to me about anything,” she said as she placed the pot of ramen down on the table in front of him before sitting across from him.

            Changjo let out a soft sigh before taking another shot of soju. Jihae told him to slow down, but he ignored her warning as he tried to get his thoughts in order.

            “Jihae-ssi…has my dad…my biological father that is...has he ever hit you when you guys were together?” Changjo asked and Jihae’s eyes went wide at the question.

            “Changjo, what is this about?” she asked as she placed her chopsticks down on the table, the ramen long forgotten.

            “Did he ever hit you or try and control you?” Changjo tried rephrasing the question.

            “No, he never did. He loved me with all his heart and would never raise anything more than his voice at me from time to time. Now what is this about? Is someone hurting you? Does your girlfriend hit you?” she asked worriedly but Changjo shook his head.

            “Not me. My friend…his boyfriend he…well he hit him and I think more than once and now,” Changjo felt himself choke up as tears started to well in his eyes, “Was I wrong for yelling at him? I didn’t want to hurt him but I also don’t want that bastard to hurt him ever again either,” Changjo said as a couple of tears fell from his eyes.

            “Changjo…I don’t know what you’re talking about. Who hurt your friend?” Jihae asked concerned and Changjo went into the whole story about Himchan and what he did to Ricky. By time he was done telling her the story he had somehow finished his first bottle of soju and was well onto his second until Jihae noticed and quickly took the bottle away from him.

            “I’m sorry to hear about your friend Changjo-ah but drowning your feelings is not going to help him get any better,” she said and Changjo didn’t fight her as he simply sat there not knowing what to do now. He didn’t want to go back to his dorm and he knew he couldn’t go to see Ricky either after how he left, so in the end he decided it’d be best if he just stayed there for the night.

            “Of course you can stay here tonight Changjo! I’ll have one of the guest rooms prepared for you right away and…wait don’t you have class tomorrow?” Jihae asked calming her excitement down a little.

            “Not until the afternoon. As long as I leave by 10 I should be able to make it to my class,” Changjo lied, knowing he had a class at eight in the morning but having already decided that he wasn’t going to go.

            “Oh ok. I’ll make sure to wake you up on time and oh! I can show you more pictures of your father if you like. I have a whole bunch, even a couple of videos from when we were in high school,” she said, her excitement levels rising once again from the simple fact that she’d be able to spend the entire night with her son.

            “I’d like that,” Changjo responded. On one hand he did want to learn more about his biological parents but on the other, he really just wanted her to help provide a distraction from his thoughts.

            Throughout the night Jihae showed Changjo old photos of her and his father from high school and even a couple of their first year raising Changjo together and while Changjo enjoyed the old photos, the video that she showed him was what really stuck out in his mind. It was a video of Jihae sitting on the bed, holding Changjo and trying to rock him to sleep, only for him to be startled awake by the voice of his father.

             “Junghyuk, I almost had Jonghyun sleeping and look what you did,” Jihae complained as she rubbed her eyes and went back to rocking baby Changjo some more.

            “Maybe he doesn’t want to sleep,” Junghyuk responded.

            “Well I want to sleep. Also will you turn that thing off, I look a mess,” she said as she tried to tuck some loose strands of hair behind her ear to make herself look slightly more presentable for the camera.

            The camera shifted then as the Junghyuk crawled into bed with them and turned it on all three of them.

            “You look beautiful as always,” he said before kissing her forehead and then leaning down to kiss baby Changjo’s forehead too, which only caused him flinch away from the touch before he started crying.

            “I don’t think our son likes you very much,” Jihae said, laughing a bit only to have Junghyuk take baby Changjo from her arms and hand her the camera in its place.

          “Our son loves me and just to prove it how about you go to sleep and I’ll take care of him until he falls asleep.”

            “Hmm…ok, I guess I’ll take a small nap until you come back crying that you can’t get him to sleep,” she said as she placed the camera on the bed but didn’t shut it off.

            “I promise you that won’t happen,” Junghyuk stated, picking the camera up to turn it on him and baby Changjo, “come on Jonghyun, let’s go watch some TV while mommy sleeps.”

            Then the video shuts off and Changjo can’t help but to stare at the blank screen for a couple more seconds before asking, “Can I have a copy of that one?”

            Jihae turns to him, stunned by his question, before smiling and saying “of course you can.”

            As they start to settle down for bed Changjo asked Jihae one more question before she left the room.

            “Do you think that he would want to meet me?”

            “Who? Your dad?”

            “Yea.”

            Jihae let out a soft sigh before sitting at the end of the bed and looking at Changjo. “I honestly don’t know Changjo. I mean he’s married and probably has his own children so…”

            “It’s ok, I get it. I was just wondering,” Changjo said as he turned over and Jihae felt bad as she slowly raised her hand to pat Changjo on the back only to decide against it and retract it.

            “Good night Changjo,” was all she said before leaving the room.

            When Changjo woke up the next morning the first thing he did was look for his phone to shut off the alarm. After doing so he saw that he had multiple missed calls and texts from Yongguk and even a couple from Seungho and one from his roommate. All he did was let out a sigh as he ignored them and got up to start getting ready for his drive back to school. When he arrived downstairs he saw that Jihae had prepared breakfast for him.

            “You didn’t have to make me anything,” Changjo said but Jihae completely dismissed his statement as she made him a plate.

            “Well I wanted to. Now hurry, you have to eat and leave soon so you can make sure you make it to class on time, ok? Also here,” Jihae put a small CD case down in front of Changjo, “the copy of the video you asked for last night.”

            Changjo picked up the case, before setting it back down slightly closer to him and thanking Jihae for making the copy for him. After breakfast, Jihae walked him to the door and made sure he wasn’t forgetting anything.

            “Don’t worry, I have everything and if I did forget something I can always come back to get it,” Changjo said as he walked over the threshold so he was now standing on the porch.

            “Ok, ok, but you can always come back anytime you feel like it, even if you didn’t forget anything,” Jihae said and Changjo gave her a small smile before lifting his arms and giving her a small hug.

            “Thank you, for letting me stay the night.”

            “It….you’re welcome,” Jihae said stunned by the sudden act of affection.

            “I’ll text you when I get back on campus,” Changjo said ending the hug and then he headed to his car and started his drive back.

            Except instead of heading back to campus he ended up driving himself home. He knew his parents would be at work but he just needed some time alone, just so he could get all of his thoughts in order. As soon as he opened the door to his home, a little brown ball of fur came running over to him, barking. Changjo picked up the small puppy and brought him into his room with him so that they could both lie on his bed together. Too bad the puppy had other plans and jumped off the bed as soon as Changjo lied down.

            “I guess you don’t want to spend time with me huh?” Changjo said as the small ball of fur left the room, leaving Changjo alone with his thoughts, which is why he came home anyway. Instead of sorting through his problems, Changjo ended up falling asleep and was woken up by Comme Des barking.

            “Hmm...I see you’ve come back to me,” Changjo muttered out, slowly opening his eyes only to see Key standing in front of him.        

            “What are you doing here Changjo? Shouldn’t you be in school?”

            “Ah…yea but classes were cancelled today,” Changjo lied smoothly as he sat up and rubbed some of the sleep from his eyes.

            “Ok so are you going to tell me the truth or do you just expect me to accept that lie?” Key said as he sat down on the bed next to Changjo, continuously petting the puppy in his arms.

            “What makes you think I’m lying?”

            “You mean how do I know you’re lying? Well that’s because I’m your father. Now are you going to tell me why you’re actually here?”

            Changjo let out a soft sigh before telling Key how Ricky woke up yesterday and also how he yelled at him, but he made sure to leave out the part about him going to see Jihae, since he knew that would just upset his father in the end.

            “So you came here to what? Run away from your problems?” Key asked bluntly causing Changjo to shake his head.

            “I’m not running away from my problems. I just need to think.”

            “And what conclusion did you come to while you were thinking?” Key asked and Changjo shrugged his shoulders.

            “None really…I mean I guess I should apologize to Ricky and just be by his side while he continues to get better and figure things out on his own,” Changjo said, slowly coming to the answer himself.

            “There you go. Now was that so hard? Did you really need to take a whole day off from school to figure that out?”

            “I guess not….”

            “Well, since you’re here, what do you want to eat tonight? I know you miss my cooking being so far away from me,” Key stated as he placed Comme Des on the floor and started heading for the door.

            “I get to pick anything?”

            “Yup, anything.

            “Can we have stew tonight?”

            “Stew? You know how long that will take? It won’t be ready until almost 10,” Key said and Changjo looked at the clock noticing it was almost 5:30.

            “That’s ok. I can wait. I really want some of that beef stew that you make every winter,” Changjo said and Key nodded his head agreeing to make it, even though deep down he really didn’t want to go through all the trouble of making such a time consuming dish.

            “Ok, if that’s what you want.”

            “Yea and then I can bring Ricky some in the hospital tomorrow. I sure he’d be happy to have something that isn’t just hospital food too.”

            “I’m sure he’d really appreciate that,” Key said as he ruffled Changjo’s hair before heading to the kitchen to start working on the dish.

            For the rest of the night Changjo just spent some quality time with his family and when the stew was finally finished, all three of them enjoyed a late dinner in front of the TV while they watched a movie. Even though Key was completely against people eating in his living room he made an exception today. If only he knew how many times Ricky and Changjo had eaten in that room, Changjo knew he’d probably pass out from shock.

            “Ok you have everything right? Make sure that soup is sitting upright when you put it in your car, you don’t want it to spill and make a mess all over,” Key said as he kept fussing with Changjo as the younger boy tried to leave.

            “I know. I got it Key appa. Thanks again for making it. I will text both of you when I get back to my dorm.”

            “Drive safe Changjo and no more skipping class. We’re paying too much for you to be playing hooky,” Jonghyun said and Changjo nodded his head.

            “I won’t skip class anymore Jjong appa. I promise.”

            “You’re lying but I’ll take it anyway,” he said as he hugged the younger boy one more time.

            “Ok I really should get going. I will talk to you guys later,” and with that Changjo got into his car and finally got on the road heading back to his school.

            It was fun while it lasted but I can’t stay away forever. No more running away Changjo, you have to face your problems head on from here on out.

Its been a billion years and i'm sorry. i'm sorry the chapter is crap too...i tried. 

I'm gonna try to stick to a better schedule! I already have the next 1K words typed for the next chapter so maybe....we'll get it by the end of the week

~Lolo