“Changjo, will you be able to get these all read as well as put annotations on them for me by tomorrow?” Changjo’s professor asked him as he was handed a stack of twenty papers. It wasn’t even the whole class but Changjo knew it was going to take him forever to get through them.

            “Yea, I should be able to,” he said reluctantly as he put the papers in his folder before stuffing the folder into his backpack. He knew that being the teacher’s assistant for a class wouldn’t be a piece of cake when he accepted his professor’s offer last semester but he also wasn’t expecting to have so many things going on in his personal life at the same time.

            “If you can’t, don’t stress about it too much. I know you told me you have someone in the hospital, but still please try and get them done for me,” the professor told him and Changjo just nodded his head, wanting to get out of the office as soon as possible.

            “You know, I can always get a new TA. It’s not that late into the semester and …”

            “No, I’ll be fine. I will get it done, don’t worry about it,” Changjo said trying to reassure the professor that he could handle the tasks that were given to him. He really wanted to be the TA for the class; he felt it was good experience for him, so he didn’t want his professor to get rid of him. He was just going to have to do good work on these papers and show him that he still wanted the position.

            “Alright, you’re free to go. I can see you just itching to get out of here anyway.”

            Changjo bowed to his professor before heading out of the office and going straight to the parking lot to get his car. It was freezing outside as he felt the wind nip at his exposed skin causing him to pull his jacket tighter around him and walk faster to his car. It was only the first week in February but Changjo felt like the winter was just getting more brutal and that it was never going to end.

            Once he was in his car he quickly made his way to the hospital but not without stopping at the convenience store along the way to pick up a container of instant ramen. When he got to the hospital he wasn’t surprised to see Seungho already there and doing some homework off to the side. He cleared his throat to make his presence known causing Seungho to look up and nod as his way of acknowledging his presence.

            “How long have you been here today hyung?” Changjo asked him as he sat his things down before going to add the new container of ramen to the slowly growing collection.

            “Not long. Maybe an hour or two.”

            “That seems pretty long to me.”

            “Well time just sort of got away from me so it doesn’t feel that long. Also why do you keep buying him ramen?”

            “Because he likes it and when he wakes up I’m going to make him eat all of it,” Changjo stated and Seungho couldn’t help but chuckle.

            “You’re going to make him fat.”

            “That will be his punishment for scaring me like this and staying asleep for so long. The faster he wakes up the less he’ll have to eat. You hear that Ricky? If you don’t want to turn into a pig you better wake up soon!” Changjo said as he turned his attention to Ricky’s still comatose body. After not getting a response, even though he wasn’t expecting one, he went over to the other chair in the room and started working on marking up all the paper’s his professor had given him.

            An hour or so had passed when the door to the room opened. Neither of the two boys in the room looked up from what they were doing, figuring it was just a nurse coming in to check on Ricky as usual, that is until they heard a voice that definitely didn’t belong to any of the nurses.

            “He still hasn’t woken up yet?” Yongguk asked and Changjo looked at him with such disdain and anger written on his face that Seungho was surprised that the look didn’t kill the other man alone.

            “What are you doing here?” Changjo spat out. He hadn’t seen Yongguk since he walked out of his apartment that day, even though the older man made plenty of attempts to contact him, all of them which were obviously ignored by Changjo.

            “I’m here to check on Ricky. Is there anything wrong with that?”

            Changjo let out a harsh scoff. “Yea, you mean you’re here to see how likely Himchan’s chances at jail time are looking.”

            “Well…that too,” Yongguk said causing Changjo to stand up and stomp his way over to him.

            “Well then if that’s what you’re here for you can leave right now, because we don’t need that kind of energy in the room when Ricky is trying his best to recover from being nearly killed by that crazed lunatic!” Changjo exclaimed as he tried to push Yongguk out the room, but Yongguk, still being slightly stronger than Changjo, was able to hold his ground as he took a hold of his arms and pulled him into a hug.

            “Let go of me! Who said that you can touch me?!” Changjo continued screaming as he tried to shake himself out of Yongguk’s embrace. Soon he was pulled from Yongguk’s arms though and had his face buried into Seungho’s chest as he held him close.

            “Calm down Changjo,” Seungho whispered to him as his head a few times, “And you, I think you should go.”

            Yongguk looked from Seungho to Changjo and his teeth before turning on his heel to leave the room.

            “Changjo…” he hesitates before saying the words that he’s been wanting to say to Changjo these past two weeks, “I’m sorry but I do still love you.”

            “Just go Yongguk,” Seungho says as he starts to feel Changjo shake in his arms as warm tears slowly soaks their way through his shirt. Once Yongguk was out of the room Seungho turned his attention back to Changjo and tried his best to stop him from crying.

            “Shh…its ok now. He’s gone,” he says as he rubs soothing circles on his back, “Come, sit down over here.” Seungho leads him to the chair he was previously sitting in before walking over to get the water pitcher and filling up a small paper cup for Changjo.

            “Here you go. Drink this, it will help you calm down some.”

            Changjo takes the cup from him as he wipes away some of his fallen tears and slowly drinks the room temperature water. Sure enough after finishing the cup, he wasn’t happy, but he was a lot calmer than before.

            “You ok now?”

            “Yea…sorry for acting like that. I shouldn’t have gotten so worked up and yelled like that, especially in front of Ricky. I was disturbing his rest by making a scene like that,” Changjo says as he runs a hand messily through his hair and takes a deep breath to keep his breathing steady.

            “It’s ok. It was his fault for coming in here and making you upset.”

            “He doesn’t care about Ricky…all he cares about is getting that off when he deserves to rot in jail,” Changjo says and Seungho can see the anger in his eyes as the words roll off his tongue.

            “Do you really believe that Changjo?”

            “Of course I do! Don’t you? Don’t you want to see justice served for what was done to Ricky?!” Changjo asks, not believing that Seungho was questioning his statement.

            “I did but…here let me show you something,” Seungho says before going to the Ricky’s bedside and pulling out a stack of envelopes.

            “What are these?” Changjo asks as Seungho hands them to him.

            “Open them and see.”

            Changjo starts opening all of the envelopes and in each of them are short letters from Himchan. All of them saying basically the same thing.

Jan. 21^st

            I’m sorry Ricky. Please forgive me

Love, Himchan

Jan. 22^nd

            Ricky…I heard that you’re in a coma. They tell me that it’s pretty bad but you’re strong right? You’ll pull through. I know you will, because you’re my strong baby. I’m sorry for doing this to you. Please forgive me.

Love, Himchan

Jan. 23^rd

            Ricky, I know you’re still sleep; it’s easier for me to think of you as just being sleep instead of the current state that you’re actually in. I know it’s fault. I did this to you and I will have to live with this forever, but please you have to wake up, if not for me then for everyone else that cares about you. I know your mom is worried. You know how she worries about you all the time and your friends are worried and of course I am. So please wake up baby.

Love, Himchan

Jan. 24^th

            Ricky, my lawyer says that I’m not allowed to send these letters to you when I asked him to bring these to you today. I was going to just keep them, but I want you to have them, for when you wake up. So I’m going to have Yongguk sneak them to you. My lawyer says it isn’t good for my case if I try and make contact with you but I don’t care about that. I deserve to be put away forever for what I’ve done to you, given the death penalty if that was allowed, but maybe its for the best that I have to live with this for as long as I live. I just want you to be happy and to make it through. As long as you’re happy after all of this is over then that’s all that matters.

Love, Himchan

            As Changjo continued to read the letters they started to get shorter and shorter with a couple of slightly lengthy ones in-between. He also noticed how halfway through the letters Himchan started to address Ricky by his real name and soon he came across the letter that was dated for yesterday.

Feb. 3^rd

            Changhyun my trial is coming up soon. My lawyer is saying that I have a pretty good chance of getting off on insanity but I don’t want that. Yongguk is telling me to keep my mouth shut and just listen to him but I don’t think I’m crazy. They’re having a psychiatrist come in to evaluate me to help make the case “stronger” but I feel like Yongguk will just pay him off to make him say I’m crazy even if I’m not. I don’t want to get off for this one. I deserve to pay for the pain I’ve caused you Changhyun and…I miss you. I miss you so much. I miss holding you and kissing you and treating you like the wonderful person you are. When you wake up, I hope you can find someone that will treat you better than I did.

Himchan

            Changjo noticed how Himchan dropped the “love” off of the most recent letter and even though he didn’t want to, he felt a little sorry for him. As he read all of his letters he saw how much Himchan still cared about Ricky and even though he still wanted him to pay for what he did, he didn’t need such a harsh punishment like Changjo had been hoping for, since it seemed like he was punishing himself enough.

            “Yongguk has been delivering these basically every day, usually after you leave. That’s probably why he was here today, to drop another one of them off.”

            “He…he seems to really care for Ricky,” Changjo whispered out.

            “Yea, he does, but he still needs to receive some kind of sentence for what he’s done. I just…I don’t know, I felt like you should see these so you wouldn’t think so harshly of him. Plus hanging onto that anger isn’t good for you, believe me I know,” Seungho trailed off and Changjo lets out a soft sigh.

            “Well at least one of those idiots cares about Ricky, even if it is the one that put him in here,” Changjo said as he placed the letters down on the table beside him.

            “And the other one cares for you.”

            “If he cared for me so much he’d care about Ricky too, but instead he rather just work his off to make sure Himchan gets the lightest sentence possible.”

            “Ok but if you were in his shoes wouldn’t you try and help your Ricky out as much as possible too? You both have your priorities, I just don’t want you to think that you aren’t one of his,” Seungho said and Changjo gives him a weird look.

            “And how would you know? Does he talk about me when he stops by?” Changjo asked, somewhat hopeful but Seungho shook his head.

            “No, but the way he stared jealous daggers at me as I was comforting you…believe me he cares and I know you do too.”

            Changjo looked at Seungho until he realized what was going on. Seungho found out about him and Yongguk and surprisingly he was taking it better than he expected him too. Maybe Seungho hyung doesn’t care that I’m gay? Changjo thought to himself but soon decides that the best way to find out is to ask.

            “So…I’m guessing you don’t have a problem with the fact that I’m dating or shall I say was dating a guy,” Changjo said and Seungho shook his head.

            “No, why would I?”

            “Oh, I just figured you would be grossed out or something by it,” Changjo said and this causes Seungho to chuckle to himself.

            “You do know that I knew Ricky was gay this whole time and dating that right? Yet I hung out with him all the time and treated him like a little brother. So why would you think it would bother me to find out that you were gay or bi or whatever too?” Seungho said and Changjo realizes just how dumb his worry was.

            “That’s true…I don’t know I guess I just worry over little things sometimes.”

            “Well don’t worry about me. I’ll still be your friend no matter who you’re dating, even though I still think you should try and patch things up with that guy.”

            “The only thing I care about being patched up is Ricky. I just want him to get better,” Changjo said stubbornly and this time it was Seungho’s turn to sigh. He decided to give up talking to Changjo, well about Yongguk at least. It seemed like the younger boy would have to forgive the other male on his own terms but he didn’t want his friend to wind up heartbroken because of his stubbornness.

            After staying there another hour Changjo left the hospital since he actually had made plans to meet up with his mother for dinner that night. They haven’t met since that one time they went to the bakery together but he figured that maybe spending some time with her would help keep his mind off of his current situation. So he reached out to her and asked if she wanted to have dinner with him, to which she immediately agreed to.

            Changjo had picked a place close to his school since he did have class tomorrow and didn’t want to drive to far away from the campus, just to drive back later that night. His mother or well Jihae-ssi, since Changjo still wasn’t used to calling her his mom, didn’t seem to mind coming out to see him though, even though it was a little out of the way for her. Changjo simply figured that she was probably just excited to see him in general and would’ve traveled any distance honestly.

            When he arrived at the restaurant he looked around to see Jihae already sitting down, slowly sipping on a glass of water as her eyes would occasionally dart around as if she was looking for him. Changjo checked the time to see if he was late, but on the contrary he was still five minutes early for their agreed upon meeting time.

            Maybe she’s been waiting for a while? He thinks to himself as he makes his way over to the table, deciding no reason to make her wait any longer. She spots him as he’s halfway there and happily waves at him with a huge smile on her face. Changjo couldn’t help the smile that placed itself on his own face when he saw how happy and dare he say, excited, she was to see him.

            “Hello Jihae-ssi, have you been waiting long?” Changjo asked as he took his seat across from her causing her to shake her head.

            “No, I only got here about ten minutes ago. How were your classes today?” she asked and Changjo shrugged his shoulders.

            “Same old, same old,” he responded. He would text Jihae-ssi from time to time, usually talking about mundane things, but she always seemed interested nonetheless.

            “I hope they’re going well and that you’re not getting stressed out or anything,” she said as she continued to stare at Changjo, before eventually lowering her gaze to the menu that lay in front of her.

            “Don’t worry, if I’m stressed I promise you it isn’t from my classes.”

            “Is there something else bothering you?” she suddenly asked and Changjo looked at her as he tried to decide if he should tell her about Ricky but figuring that it was something he rather not bother her with, at least not yet.

            “No, not really. Anyway, how have you been Jihae-ssi? I know we haven’t met for a while...”

            “I’ve been fine. I was honestly surprised that you asked to have dinner with me. It’s nice to see you again,” she said and soon their conversation was cut off by the waiter coming over to the table to take their orders. Realizing neither of them had even taken a look at the menu, Changjo shooed the waiter away, telling him that they needed another minute.

            “I guess we should actually look at the menu and decide what we’re having,” Changjo said as he chuckled slightly to himself and Jihae nodded her head in agreement as she picked the menu up again and began scanning the pages for something that looked appetizing.

            Eventually they both decided on what they wanted to eat and the waiter came back over to take their orders before leaving them alone again. They sat in silence for a moment before Jihae spoke up again.

            “So how are your fathers doing?” she asked and Changjo was surprised that she brought them up.

            “Um, they’re doing well. My Key appa calls me often, complaining about why I don’t call him more and my Jjong appa will tell him to stop bothering me so much from the background,” Changjo said as he chuckled a bit to himself.

            “That’s nice, that they check up on you often. Seems like they really love you,” she said softly and Changjo nodded his head.

            “They do,” Changjo said and they fell into another round of silence. It was slightly awkward to Changjo and he was about to say something until Jihae started digging through her bag for something, as if she just remembered that she had it.

            “Here,” she said as she passed a magazine across the table to Changjo.

            “What’s this?” he asked as she stared at the business magazine now currently in his hands.

            “Turn to page 47,” she said and Changjo does as he’s told and all he comes across is an article on how to be a successful and wealthy business owner.

            “I’m confused. What am I looking at?”

            “Your father…or well your biological father,” she said and Changjo turns his attention back to the magazine but this time focuses his attention on the man pictured on the page, in a black suit, sitting down with his legs crossed. He looked intimidating and powerful and nothing as to what Changjo would’ve thought of his father to look like.

            “His name is Junghyuk. Mun Junghyuk,” she said and Changjo can’t stop staring at the photo and soon starts to even skim the article, realizing its an interview with his so-called “father.”    

            “This is my father? According to this he’s CEO of Moon and Sun Electronics? Isn’t that one of the biggest electronic companies in Korea?”

           “Actually as of five years ago, it finally took the number one spot as the biggest electronic company in Korea. I told you he was a powerful business man. You can have that by the way,” she said and Changjo looked at her with wide eyes.

            “Are you sure? Don’t you want it back?”

            Jihae shook her head and gave him a small smile. “No, I have others, you can have this one. Plus I have my memories to remember him by, while this, well this interview is the most…shall I say honest one he’s done. So I wanted you to have it to get a better feel for what kind of man he is,” she said and Changjo couldn’t help but smile as he looked at the picture one more time before finally closing the magazine and setting it to the side.

            For the rest of the night they ate and talked about random things, just chatting and getting to know each other a little better and soon they were saying goodbye to each other and promising to meet up again soon.

            Changjo headed back to his dorm, clutching the magazine tight in his hand, in fear of dropping or losing it. When he arrived at the door he was just about to open it when he felt someone grab his wrist. He let out a soft sigh but didn’t turn to face the person already figuring it who it was.

            “Yongguk I think I already made it clear that I don’t want to see you. So if you would please let go and go away…”

            “Sorry to spoil your hopes but I’m not Yongguk,” Seungho said as he cut Changjo off. Changjo turned to see the older man standing behind him before looking away to hide the embarrassment on his face.

            “What is it hyung? Why are you here so late?”

            “Its only eleven and if you would answer your phone I wouldn’t have to come all the way to your dorm to find you. Where have you been by the way?”

            “I had to go see someone and what do you mean? You haven’t tried to contact me,” Changjo said as he dug his phone out of his pocket only to see that it was on airplane mode and so he couldn’t receive any calls or texts.

            “Oh…my phone was on airplane mode. Anyway what is so important that it couldn’t wait until morning for you to tell me?” Changjo asked as he opened the door to his dorm, getting ready to go inside, until he noticed it was dark and figured that Yukwon was probably sleeping, so he pulled the door up and waited for Seungho to speak. Yet the next words to come out of his mouth shocked Changjo enough into dropping the magazine and forgetting everything else he was thinking about.

            “Ricky is awake.”

Finally an update! I know, i'm so so sorry, for taking so long to update. i say this all the time, but ugh....i just had no inspiration. i hope after updating this chapter i get into the flow of things again and can give you guys another update soon!

~Lolo