A/N: And the choice is...*drum roll*

-Aerin’s POV-

I couldn’t do it. It just hurts too much.

I’ve chosen and yet there was just no way I couldn’t feel guilty over it. I took a step forward, eyeing them both, preventing myself from shaking, from breaking down right in front of them, from not going through with what I’ve planned. Without thinking, I took Chan Yeol’s hand in mind and kissed Sehun on the cheek, tears falling from my eyes. My throat was hurting too much from all the suppression I’ve been doing to the sobs that wanted to escape. Grief assaulted my heart, my whole being.

I didn’t even think I would be able to go that far with them. Earlier that day, when I saw them both sleeping, moving clandestinely around to get the things I needed, I have been planning to ditch them both for good. I was planning to fly off somewhere, escape from the burden of having to choose and yet there I was. After mustering all the courage I had in me, I was finally there to make one happy and render one miserable. I was going to kill half of me by doing it, but things must be done for the greater good.

I was selfish for not being able to choose earlier. If I had, then maybe things would have been easier, but I’ve grown fond of the person I was about to leave behind. Over time, I’ve realized that I’d be doing him more good things by making him realize that he deserved better than just me, that he could look for someone else that would make him even happier and make him feel alive, someone who would treasure him more than I did, someone who can treat and love him for what he was truly worth.

It was precisely the reason why I felt so bad inside. I wasn’t able to at least reciprocate that kind of affection he showed me. I was happier with the other and now, I am hurting even more after realizing that I was about to tell him that indirectly. My heart calls for both their names, yet I couldn’t deny the fact that it also has a stronger yearning for just one person. I couldn’t suppress that. All the signs, all the tests I’ve done and all of who I was and what I would be screamed for just him. Though I loved them both very dearly, enough to make me feel wretched with the things I did in the past and what I was about to do, I know I’d be happy with my choice.

I’ve realized all that in a fraction of a second and because of that, I took off, taking Chan Yeol with me, running without looking back, running nonstop until my feet just couldn’t take it anymore. I looked around and realized that we’ve ended up behind the building, our footsteps crunching against the gravelly pavement. I let go of his hand, unable to help it anymore. I was a mess as I continued walking slowly ahead of him. I couldn’t hear him following me though. In that same moment, I bent my knees down and sat as sobs rocked my body.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”

He moved closer, but I raised a hand at him.

“Don’t…”

“Can you tell me why you’re apologizing to me like that?” he asked.

I felt like dying already. “I chose Sehun…I’m sorry. I just can’t…”

“Aerin-ah? Why are you crying?” he said in that deep voice.

I cowered from it, burying my face in my palms. “Because I’m a bad person, that’s why,” I told him. I stood up again when I found the strength to and faced him. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not angry.”

“I am. I’m angry at myself for being stupid enough to hurt you.”

He shook his head, a gentle smile spreading across his features. “Don’t apologize.”

“What are you saying? I’m terrible.” I sniffed, wiping the tears from my eyes.

“We knew this would happen. It’s not your fault.”

“Then why didn’t you let go?” I demanded. “You knew and yet you held on.”

I heard him shift on the ground. “Do I really have to say it again?”

“I know that, Chan Yeol, but I feel really terrible. It makes me all the more feel that way. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“Aerin, I hurt right now, but I don’t blame you. I’m going to be honest about it because I don’t want to lie to you, but at least be happy that you’ve chosen Sehun. He’s going to love you probably more than I did.”

“How can you tell me that?” I hissed.

He chuckled. “You shouldn’t be the one crying. I’m the one you’re leaving, not the other way around.”

I blinked. I was about to leave him, but I took him instead, unable to just leave him there. I wanted to at least tell him how sorry I was. “You knew. That’s what makes me so sad.”

He nodded, looking down as he kicked random pebbles. “How wouldn’t I? I guess I knew from the start that you would always belong to Sehunnie. He’s more than a good choice for you and you should be happy about that,” he said without any hint of resentment though his eyes began to become desolate.

“Why are you telling me that? You…” I let out a snagged breath. “You shouldn’t. You…you…” I couldn’t say what I wanted to.

He shook his head. “I told you I’d be happy.” He took another step closer. “Now I want you to be happy.”

“How can I be when you’re not? You shouldn’t be wishing me any good,” I retorted.