As Amber continued her parade of teases and banter against you (to which you responded with a partially impassive, partially annoyed stare), you failed to feel the pair of warm, brown eyes that gazed at you with longing and sadness, right across—in the other building.

Lu Han doesn’t know when it started—watching you from afar, observing your every move, every expression. He did this twice a week; it was coincidence that your class occurred the same time as his, and in the room parallel to his, of all places.

Because your majors were just so different from each other, and because the two of you were already graduating students with barely any General Education subjects in your corresponding curriculums, you and Lu Han seldom saw each other in the campus, staying in your respective college buildings, studying the hours away. It was rare for your classes to be in the same or adjacent halls.

But this was one of those rare moments; your Philosophy class was right across his Anthropology subject, with only a relatively big garden separating the two of you. One day, while he gazed out the window as he waited for the professor, he saw you enter the room he was looking at, you were panting and wiping the sweat off your face; you probably ran from another building. When you realized that you weren’t late, you pursed your lips, grumbling something, and sat down with your arms crossed. Lu Han thought that it was funny to see you so haggard.

He also used this opportunity to look out for you, and to see how you were doing.

As he watched you, Lu Han felt like his whole life was one big, romantic manhwa where the protagonist—a shy, antisocial girl—was in love with the Kingka, and watched him from a distance as he mingled with the other popular kids—an epitome of a heartbreaking, unrequited love. It , because Lu Han knew he was the girl, and you  the boy…although the characteristics weren’t quite correct.

“I still can’t do it,” he murmured, watching you scowl at Amber.

I still can’t say it.

Lu Han, from the time he was in elementary, and even till now, was a wallflower. At the tender age of four, when he started schooling in China, he discovered that he would rather stay stuck to the wall while his classmates played and ran around. When he was in elementary, Lu Han always sat at the last row, away from the action happening in the front. Despite his lack of participation, however, the teachers were impressed with the way he carried himself with poise, and the way he courteously greeted all of them. In Junior High, Lu Han found his passion for singing, but never joined the choir in fear of others judging him and felt intimidated by the members of the chorale, thinking that he would never be as good as they were. At around that time, people also started to notice how handsome Lu Han was developing to be, thanks to the power of puberty and genes, and they encouraged him to join numerous activities, clubs, and even the student council. Lu Han refused all of the offers, afraid to take the risk of doing so much.

He also met his first love in Junior High, but that’s one chapter of his life that he didn’t like to talk about (because, after all, he found someone a million times better—only, she doesn’t know it yet).

Lu Han met Kris and Xiumin in Senior High School; Kris, like Lu Han, was a foreign student from China, and was clumsier in Hangul than Lu Han was. Their similar lineage led the two to forming a close friendship, and it was Kris whom Lu Han would always go to when he felt homesick, or when he just wanted to rant in Mandarin.

“It feels good to have only one person understand me, while the rest have no idea what I’m saying,” Lu Han often joked.

Xiumin, on the other hand, was Kris’ first friend who helped the giant adapt to the conventions of the South Korean educational system. Xiumin was also the overly hyper student who joined just about every contest, seminar, committee, production, etc. of the school, and dragged the two Chinese students with him, saying that these were the best ways to learn something about Korean culture, and would make their school life more fulfilling and meaningful. It was also in High School that Lu Han met the rest (some of whom were still in Junior High) and formed “EXO.”

But that’s another story, because it’s just so damn long.

In short, Lu Han only started to “bloom”, albeit slowly, in the last year of his Senior High, and in college. If it weren’t for EXO, Lu Han would have remained invisible his whole university life, and would spend it in the library, the perfect place for a shy boy like him, where he would drown himself in Shakespearean plays and books.

The more he thought about it, the more he came to realize that the two of you were the same when it involved socializing, except you were more hostile and aloof than he was. Like him, you preferred to keep a low profile, but when you found something you didn’t like, you weren’t afraid to object, and even go against whoever was offending you. Lu Han, although just as reserved, was the embodiment of introversion; even when he wanted to disagree, he would just go with the majority and play the fool who couldn’t stand up for what he believed in.

It amazed him to realize that the two of you were so similar, yet so different at the same time.

A small smile spread across Lu Han’s face; although you were at least thirty feet away, he could see the tinge of pink that painted your cheeks as you bit your lip and flicked Amber’s forehead. He had no idea what the two of you were talking about, but whatever it was, Lu Han was thankful for it because it showed a side of you that veered away from your usual poker face, your usual sarcasm, and your usual coldness.

If only you knew how cute you were to his eyes.

“But I can’t be like this forever.”

I can’t keep it forever.

“Well, Hyung, you gotta be more aggressive.”

Myungsoo plopped onto the seat next to Lu Han, blocking the latter’s view of you and Amber. Myungsoo’s boyish grin spoke loud and clear what he wanted to tell your roommate: “give it to her good, dude.”

But of course, Myungsoo was a go-getter; once he found something that interested him, he will stop at nothing to achieve it. One such example was Amber. So far, however, the boy has been only fairly successful in pursuing the girl, their relationship still tagged as ‘complicated’ due to Amber’s tomboyish ways and insecurities. But Kim Myungsoo was a go-getter, and once he found something that piqued his interest, he would stop at nothing to achieve it. Myungsoo refused to give up, not when he was so close to convincing Amber that his feelings for her were genuine, not when Amber was this close to finally accepting him completely. 

Lu Han frowned. “I can’t do that—it’s not me. And besides, don’t you have your own problems to solve?”

“Hyung, that’s mean. Just so you know, Amber and I are doing well, thank you very much.” 

“My roommate said that Amber punched you in the stomach. Hard.”

Myungsoo cringed; no was supposed to know that. Nonetheless, Myungsoo smirked. “At least I know that Amber likes me, Hyung.”

Lu Han did not reply. He knew Myungsoo was right, and even if he did not want to admit it, Lu Han was envious of their relationship—at least they had one. You and he were…well, roommates. Only that. Sure, ‘friends’ or even ‘best friends’ could very well be appropriate terms, but the two of you believed that roommates shared a bond that surpassed the two. Living together, eating together, playing together, and doing just about everything together meant that the two of you were something to each other, that the both of you provided each other with a home to go back to at the end of the day.

Lu Han also liked to pretend that being roommates also meant being lovers.

Lu Han clicked his tongue. “Then tell me, what should I do?”

“Be more aggre—“

“I can’t.”

“Have you tried the ‘make her jealous’ tactics?”

You don't think I've tried that?

“Myungsoo, she doesn’t get jealous.” Lu Han bit his lip, because he knew that what he was about to say was just so darn painful. “She doesn’t have a reason to be.”

Translation: She just doesn’t see me that way.

“Oh.”

Well, this was awkward. Myungsoo seriously thought that the two of you were so (blindly) into each other, but were too bashful to give the whole girlfriend-boyfriend thing a shot.

He realized now that it was one-sided.

Lu Han sighed. “Forget it, man. I’d rather do it my own way. At least she’ll know that I’m being sincere.”

“And what is ‘your own way,’ Hyung?”

“...I’ll confess.”

Myungsoo raised an eyebrow. He was not convinced; he knew how Lu Han was. Being a dormer himself, Myungsoo often saw the thirteen of you lounging in the lobby. He also saw the way Lu Han was so awkward and so flustered and was practically a blob of unexplainable emotions when you were near him.

“I don’t believe you, Hyung. Would you like to tell me when you’ll do that?”

Lu Han swallowed hard. “…When I’m ready,” he muttered, barely audible for Myungsoo to hear.

“And when is that?”

“…I don’t know.”

Maybe never.

“Good luck, Hyung; you’ll need it.”

Author's Note:

Hello, guys!

Huhuhu, this is my first update of the week; it's sad to say that I can no longer write and post every day.

Thank you, college, for always making my life :))

In other news~ I hope you all liked this chapter! Not much action nor interaction, but at least we know a little bit more about Lu Han's past + Kris and Xiumin reference! :-)

Anyway, thanks for reading, subscribing and commenting! Please do comment, it encourages me to work hard! 

Tell me what kind of scenario you want next! 

Till next time (maybe...in a week? *sigh* busy school life is busy)!

P.S. I am inviting everyone to read chapter 2 of Countdown! Please do comment 8D I used a different writing style, so it would be nice to hear what you think! Also, I'll be posting the third chapter sometime this week :-)