Author's Note:

I'll be honest with you: while the news broke a part of my heart, I wasn't actually that surprised. I feel like this was something that Kris has been thinking about for a long time. And all I can say is "It's about time." So many things will change, obviously, but I wholeheartedly respect Kris' decision.

A boy's gotta do what he's gotta do. Even if it breaks everyone's hearts :( 

It came to you in a dream.

You’ve always had vivid dreams. Dreams of golden rice fields and quaint neighborhoods, of crowded shopping districts and vibrant neon lights, of the five boys who patiently waited for you, of the twelve boys who colored your life like painters. You’ve always had vivid dreams—dreams which you never seem to forget but would never disclose to anyone. The dreams were harmless, figments of your imagination and scenarios that never happened but you wished they did. Sometimes, they were downright silly or even surreal to the point that you eventually entered lucid dreaming, but those were the dreams that brought out the creative person in you and allowed you to have a fun time even in an unconscious state.

But what came to you that night worried you.

Because it felt so real and there was nothing you could do.

~

It was one of those days when the dorm was filled with an insufferable, suffocating air. It was the air of a recent fight, of misunderstandings and lost souls. It was one of those days when the dorm was divided into three sides: the two warring factions, and the neutral ones. Along with a few dormers (mostly the international students), you always belonged to third side and tried to fix things. Experience has taught you, however, that your caustic mouth was not always the solution. There were times that allowing things to cool down on their own was more effective.

Hoya said it started with Baek Hyun’s snarky comment; the opposing side retaliated and blamed Chen for trying to defend Kris. Honestly though, their insults and arguments fell on deaf ears; you didn’t care who started it or what they were fighting about. None of those was important.

But you knew. Deep inside, you knew where this all rooted from. It was days ago when you noticed Kris’s sudden moodswings, his empty gazes and his steadily increasing absences during meals and even at the class the both of you attended. It worried you; it worried you because it’s exactly what you dreamt of.

And you knew that it would not end well, not when your dreams vividly, clearly told you so.

“I guess this is goodbye.”

~

You’re sitting on the couch. The neutrals are there with you, happily chatting amongst themselves while crunching on some chips. Experience told them that it was better not to talk about the fight; it might impose on them the simple but deadly idea of choosing a side. They didn’t want to choose a side; they didn’t want to be involved. They were better outside the court, lending a blind eye to the cold war that boiled like hot magma.

Suddenly, Kris struts down the stairs. His steps are muffled and cautious—and you find it nonsensical because he knew and everyone knew what he was doing. He has three bags with him: a backpack and two medium-sized duffel bags. Despite their observant eyes, the boys on your side continue their chipper chatter; it’s so fake you want to cringe and you know that they want to cringe themselves, but they do it nonetheless because it’s a fight that needs time, not intervention.

Kris meets your eyes for a split-second before pulling his hoodie down. He’s dressed in all black—clothes that are too ordinary for him to be seen wearing. He briskly walks towards the door, unable to meet your gaze a second time.

But you’re quick on your feet, too, and just before he touches the handle, you speak up. “I’m not going to stop you,” you say. Kris turns around to face you. You almost flinch at the sight of his deep, purple eyebags and his weary eyes. His hair is covered by his dark hood, but the wayward strands on his forehead tell you that Kris has never looked this bad before.

He’s still not able to meet your gaze.

“I…I’m sorry I can’t help you with what you’re going through. Honestly, I find myself pretty pathetic right now because I can’t help you. You were one of the first few people who welcomed me here, and now, when you need my help the most, I can’t give it to you. I’m sorry, Kris.” The words you say sound foreign; they were said by pure instinct and you can’t believe you did so. You were never good at saying things that came from the heart.

“I’m going to find myself,” he says. Kris laughs wryly—he’s mocking his own self. “What a time to be lost, huh? I’m in my last year, and just when I thought the end was near, it’s not. I’m going to find myself and make things right.” He looks up and finally locks eyes with you. Kris gives you a small, bittersweet smile; you do the same in return.

“Tell Baek Hyun and Chen that none of them are at fault and that they should just hurry up and go back to being best friends. I know you’re always watching them, but Kai, Tao and Se Hun need you the most right now. They need their Noona to give them big bear hugs even though she's unwilling to do so. Lu Han and Xiu Min are mature and are doing well, but I know they’re worried, too. Chan Yeol’s always hiding behind his grins and his pranks; it’s not healthy, though. Lay and D.O. are neutral, I know, but the entire fight has taken a toll on them. Lay’s retreated into his room and has done nothing but compose and write songs; I don’t know if he’s getting any sleep. D.O. hasn’t cooked in days, has he? Of course not. And Su Ho…I think this has been the hardest on him. I shouldn't leave him or you to take care of all of them but I...” Kris chuckles wryly again. “I don’t know why I’m saying all this; I don’t need to explain anything, not when you already know it, don’t you?”

“Of course I do. But you need to say it, because once you go out of that door, you can’t and shouldn't be thinking about them.” You step forward and bring your index finger to his chest, poking it gently. “You have to think about yourself; you can’t find the answers when all you do is worry about them. I’m here to take care of everything, so go on and find yourself, all right?”

You’ve always counted on him. You’ll never admit it, but you’ve always counted on Wu Yi Fan. And now, it’s time you return the favor.

He nods one final time before turning around.

“Come back soon, okay?”

He looks at you, flashing you a second smile. This time, it’s one of relief and trust and hope and it seals his promise with you.

“I will, Noona.”

~

It came to you in a dream.

But no matter how much it worried you, it was only a dream.

Kris would come back. 

heehee KrisMate  

/shot