Chapter 20: Should I give up?

Youngmin’s POV:

It’s been three weeks since I don’t see Gaein. I have been busy with my schedule, but I try to see her every time I can, the problem is that she avoids me all the time. I’m worried about her. I don’t know if she’s fine, she doesn’t even want to talk tome.

I was walking in the hallway when I saw her standing in front of her locker. I walked toward her.

-      Gaein! -I said smiling. She turned and saw me then she looked away.

She looks so different. She’s pale and has big dark circles on her eyes. She looks so weak and depressed, even worse than the last time I met her. She looks so lifeless. What happened to her? I want to see her smile. I don’t like to see her like that.

-      Yah! Are you ok? You look pale. –I asked her.

-      I’m fine. Please just don’t tell Unnie about it. She gets very worried if she sees me like this. It’s just that I have had a lot of work, so I haven’t been able to eat and sleep properly. –she said with a weak voice. I know her, there’s something more than tiredness, she looks sad.

-      Gaein, you look sad. Is there something wrong? Did anything happen with Chunji? –I said very worried making her face me.

-      I’m fine. –she said looking down avoiding eye contact. –I haven’t seen Chunji for a while like I promised to you. I’m just tired, that’s all.

-      Then I should take you home so you can rest a little. –I said.

-      Just go to your class. I don’t want people to see us together, especially after that scandal. –she said coldly.

What’s wrong with her? Did I do something wrong? I just don’t get it. Does she hate me?

-      Gaein… -I said grabbing her arm. But in that time, she lost her conscious. My eyes widened while she fell in my arms fainted. – GAEIN! GAEIN! –I screamed anguished. Kwangmin and Minwoo ran next to me.

-      What happened to her? –they said shocked.

-      I don’t know. –I said crying. - Please call an ambulance! – I told them. Kwangmin quickly dialed the emergency number.

-      The ambulance is coming on the way. –Kwangmin said.

-      Gaein, do you hear me? –I said palming her face lightly. –Please wake up. –I said sobbing. –You need to be alright.

The ambulance came in some seconds. I carried her outside and the paramedics took her to the ambulance. Minwoo had already called Donghyun hyung and told him about it. He went to the school and drove to the hospital.

When we arrived the doctor was there.

-      Miss Yoon Gaein’s relatives?

-      How is she doctor? –Donghyun said worried.

-      She’s alright. She’s just very weak because of stress and tiredness. She shouldn’t have over extent herself because of her chronic anemia. But don’t worry. She will get better very soon. She just needs some rest and to eat well. – The doctor said. Anemia? I didn’t know she had anemia.

-      I thought she would be alright this year. –Hyunseong said and sighed. –I guess I have to call Bora and tell her about this.

-      But she’s in Thailand, how will… -Donghyun said but I interrupted him.

-      Wait, what do you mean with “be alright this year”? – I asked Hyunseong. –Did you already know that she had anemia? –I asked him a little upset.

-      Didn’t you know it hyung? –suddenly Minwoo asked puzzled. What? He knows also? Am I the only one here who didn’t know about it?

-      That’s why Bora Noona and Hyunseong asked us to take good care of her when she stayed in our dorm. –Kwangmin said.

-      Look, tomorrow is her parent’s death anniversary. She usually gets depressed on these days. I thought this year would be different because she has you now, but I think she still doesn’t get it over.

I breathed deeply and tried to calm down. Hyunseong called noona and she said she will come in a couple hours. Hyunseong said she got in shock and that she was extremely worried about her.

-      Can I see her doctor? –I told the doctor.

-      Yes, you can see her now. – The doctor said gently. – Are you her boyfriend? –the doctor asked me.

-      No, we are just friends. –I said.

-      Uh, really? It’s just that you look too worried about her, that’s why I thought you were her boyfriend. But don’t worry she will be fine, just take good care of her in the future. It seems she’s going through a big depression, causing poor nutrition, and that’s very bad considering she has chronic anemia.

I opened the door slowly and saw her. She looks so weak, my heart felt pain. I stood next to her.

-      Is she still unconscious? – I asked the nurse.

-      No, she woke up a while ago, but now she’s sleeping. She needs to rest. –the nurse said nicely. I nodded in agreement.

-      Thank you. –I said and sat on the chair next to the bed. The nurse left the room leaving both of us alone.

I held her hand and looked at her.

-      Gaein, you should get better soon, ok? Please smile again. I don’t like to see you so depressed. You have to be happy, just… be happy.

Minwoo knocked the door and opened it.

-      Chunji hyung is here. He said he wanted to talk to you. - Minwoo said with a little confusion on his eyes.

-      I’ll talk to him. Please stay here with her. –I said and stood up of the chair exiting the room.

Chunji was waiting for me outside. He looked anguished and angry.

-      What do you need to tell me? –I asked him. He glared at me.

-      Why didn’t you take care of her? – He said grabbing my collar angry. – You should have made sure that she ate well, that she wasn’t getting too depressed. Didn’t you know that she gets depressed on these days? Didn’t you know she could get sick if she over pushed herself?

-      No, I didn’t know. I tried to offer her my help. But she didn’t want to talk to me. She was avoiding me all the time. I didn’t know what was going on. –I said looking down. He let me go.

-      I can’t believe I trusted in you. I shouldn’t have distanced from her. I should have taken care of her. I thought you really cared about her, but it seems you don’t.

-      I do! I’m not the one that broke her heart, you did! You are one of the reasons why she got depressed! She had almost forgotten you when you suddenly appeared and asked her to come back with you.

-      You don’t know anything about our relationship.

-      And you don’t know anything about my relationship with Gaein. Do you know how many times she cried for you? Do you know how many nights I had to comfort her? How many times I had to hold her in my arms and sing her a song till she could fall asleep? Do you know how many times I had to do anything that was in my hands to make her smile? Where were you at that time? Where was your stupid love when she wanted to die? You weren’t there right, so stop saying things without sense when you don’t know anything about me. - I said holding back my tears. He stayed in silence and thought for a moment.

I went back to Gaein’s room. Hyunseong was there with her.

-      I have always wanted to know what is going through her mind. –he said.

-      Me too. –I said shrugging.

-      It must still be very hard for her, even when it has been ten years; she still can’t get over it.

-      Might I ask how her parents died? –I asked him.

-      I think you should better ask Bora about it. I don’t know a lot about it. The only thing I know is that she continues blaming herself for it. She thinks she’s responsible of her parent’s death.

Hyunseong left the room and I stayed with her alone. I her hair and kissed her forehead.

-      I’m sorry Gaein. I should never have left you alone. I should have stayed by your side. I should have supported you no matter what. I thought you were mad at me; that’s why I distanced from you. I never thought you would be sad about something.

I stayed there looking at her sleeping so peacefully. Hours passed without even noticing. Suddenly, Bora noona came in the room. Her eyes were all swollen and she was very worried.

-      How is she? –she said sobbing.

-      She’s sleeping. The doctor said she will be fine. She had a blood transfusion because she was very weak.

-      If I have seen that she was going through this… I was so busy at work that I didn’t pay attention to her.  This is my fault. –she said and sighed looking at her. –I just thought that she already had gotten this over. Last year, she didn’t get so depressed. I thought she had stopped blaming herself.

-      May I ask what happened?

-      Well, ten years ago, when she was seven and I was twelve, she had her first performing at the school theater. She had written a song for my parents and she was going to sing it playing the piano. My parents were late and the performing was going to start, so she got impatient and called them. My parents were already on the way, but she told them to hurry up. My parents didn’t arrive to the performing because they died in a car accident. She blamed herself and got very depressed, she didn’t want to eat anything, which caused her anemia. I know I should have taken good care of her, but I was too young and I was also very sad… - tears started rolling through her eyes. - But, I never told her that it wasn’t her fault, I never told her that it was just an accident. She got in a shock trance. She became lonely and didn’t want to talk to anyone, she would always read books and write songs, but never talk to anyone that wouldn’t be me. And every time our parent’s death anniversary was coming, she would get depressed and sick. Until she met Niel and other teen top members, she became happy and she would express more her feelings. I thought she had changed, but I think she still blames herself. Anyway, you look so tired. I will stay here with her.

-      I want to stay with her. –I said.

-      If that’s what you want. –she said and smiled weakly.

-      Do you want something to drink? –I asked her.

-      Maybe some water. –she said.

-      Ok, I’ll go to buy it. –I said standing up and exited the room.

I went to the vending machine. Chunji was still there in the hallway sitting on a chair sleeping.

I remembered noona’s words “Last year, she didn’t get so depressed”. When she still used to be his girlfriend, does that mean that if she was with him right now she wouldn’t be sick? Gaein, is your happiness really next to him? If it’s like that, I think I should stop getting between you two, and let you be happy with him…