WARNING: It’s very depressing. I’m sorry in advance.

Yuto was not too surprised when Ryosuke ordered him to resolve his issue with Suzuka as they were preparing to leave the castle as soon as possible. Yuri was right, that the issue might hinder his duty if he delayed to deal with it. He himself had considered it ever since he saw Suzuka among the group Yuma brought with him from retrieving Keito. At that moment, he had the urge to spring to her, embracing her gently as he used to do and making sure that his eyes was not deceiving him. He had missed her all this time, yet as the course of the battle crowded in his thought, the feeling had to be pushed aside. After all, he had no right anymore to feel that way.

Now here he was, visiting Yuma’s house building to solve their matter, putting an end to the bothering thought that distracted his mind. He waited in the living room for a guard escorting her from her chamber. Soon after, they stood face by face.

She had not changed. She was as beautiful and gorgeous as always, with the proud angle of her jaw as her way to show her strength still presented even in this depressing circumstance. Bravery and determination glinted in her eyes. He remembered that those were the first things that drew him to her in the past.

“How are you?” he chose to greet her this way.

“As you could see,” she answered.

He gestured her to sit after he sat down across her. A moment passed before he spoke.

“I won’t dillydally with you,” he started. “I have an assumption as what the reason you’re here, but let me know from you the true purpose of your presence.”

She showed the same composure as the first time they met, putting her guard up. “I’m sure you’ve figured it out, Yuto-kun. I come to fight for my happiness.”

Though he had predicted the answer, it still struck his core. “I believe I have ended our relationship in the past.”

“But you didn’t bother to give me the explanation,” she countered fast.

He assumed, almost certain, that she hadn’t known about the circumstance between her family and his in the past, and he didn’t want to open the wound unless he couldn’t avoid it. Thus he gave her the other way of explanation.

“Our relationship was not only involving ourselves, Suzuka. No matter hard we denied it, our family would always be involved. The circumstance between Nakajima and Okamoto is worse than I’ve ever thought. I had to choose between my loyalty and my desire… and I chose my loyalty. Thus I broke our relationship.”

“I’m no longer an Okamoto. I’m only Suzuka,” she stated.

His chest clenched, “It won’t change my decision about us.”

He saw she struggled to prevent her tears from b as she realized what he meant.

As she did not utter a word, he continued, “Firstly, I want to say that I’m really grateful, Suzuka. For every moment we shared in the past and for your bravery to fight this far; for your love to me and for your sacrifice to leave your family. But,” he paused and bowed as low as he could in his position.

“I apologize,” he hardened his heart, “I can’t be with you.”

A second passed before she spoke, “You don’t love me anymore, Yuto-kun?”

He raised his head and looked at her, “My love for you has not changed, Suzuka.”

Confusion painted her face, “Then why? There is no strained thread between us anymore and our feeling is mutual. Why you can’t be with me?”

He was reluctant to say this, but nevertheless he spoke, “I love you, but… I love my family and my friends more, Suzuka. I have almost forsaken my bonds with them by having relationship with you; and don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming you; however, I choose them over you.”

“You don’t need to choose, Yuto-kun. I have said I’m no longer an Okamoto.”

The thing he would say was a bit cruel, but he did not want to lie, “You may no longer bear the name, but… to be honest, I can’t pretend that you don’t have their blood.”

Her eyes widened, “You said you don’t care about lineage, Yuto-kun. Did you lie all this time?”

“It’s really my belief, Suzuka. But… forgive me. I can’t forgive what your family did; and if everything runs according to plan, I believe… that your father has executed my father. I can’t forgive him either, Suzuka.”

“But… it’s not my fault,” she weakly countered, tears had swarmed her eyes.

“I know,” he said guiltily. “I know it’s not your fault. But… I can’t suppress my anger… because now, you always remind me of what your father did. I’m sorry.”

A silence stretched out.

“So… it’s already impossible for us…?” her voice was so soft that it was barely heard. Her eyes down casted.

“Yes, I’m sorry,” his heart clenched more painfully. He wanted to reach out to her, but something in him held him back.

Not knowing anything else to say, he rose to his feet.

“I wish you happiness, Lady Suzuka,” he bowed once more then left the room without waiting any reply from her.

He dared not to look back. He had made his decision. Now, his story with Lady Suzuka of Okamoto had been closed and he should step forward, embracing the future. He might feel guilty yet it was the better for both of them.

As he strode toward the main building, he saw Ryosuke and Yuma stepped out. Looking at Ryosuke from afar, he believed that he had made the right choice.

“Yuto-kun,” Ryosuke greeted him first.

He mustered a small smile, “Going to the training ground?”

Ryosuke’s face softened, and instead of answering, he asked, “You’ve talked with her?”

“Yes. It’s over,” he answered shortly.

Ryosuke gave him an understanding gaze and somehow Yuma looked comprehend the talk. Yuma might have known about his predicament then.

“You won’t regret it, Yuto-kun?” Ryosuke asked further.

“No,” he gave them a determined look. “We should prepare for our departure, right?” He shifted the topic.

“Yes,” Ryosuke answered while resuming his steps toward the training ground.

He and Yuma followed closely behind.

***********

“Why don’t you just kill me like your other prisoners?” Dowager Yumi expressed her distress to her brother, if she could still call him that, Okamoto Shinsaku.

“Death will be too easy for you,” the resentment in his eyes almost suffocated her. “You have disgraced our family. Your punishment is to live to see your loved ones die before your eyes.”

“How can you be so cruel, Onii-san?” she had trained herself not to shed tears for years. It was easy not to cry this time even though she had shattered inside.

“You know how Okamoto work. Betrayal from a family member will be punished ten folds harder, ten times crueler. If not for the sin you committed, no one should suffer.” Shinsaku walked out from her confined chamber.

After the door closed, her limbs gave out. Sinking down to the floor, her body shuddered. She remembered the scene where she had to witness the execution of Nakajima Hoshi. She remembered his gaze at her when they met eyes. She shook her head repeatedly, but the scene kept replaying in her head.

It’s my fault… my sin… why should they suffer…

Why should she commit that sin in the first place?

She had given up her love with Nakajima Yasuragi since her father told her about the arrangement of her marriage with Yamada Shohei. She had been obedient. She came to her husband willing to serve as his queen, his loyal wife. Yet, on the wedding night, he didn’t touch her. He faked the blood on the bed sheet. She did not mind that time. In fact, she was grateful.

He had been gentle to her all the time and refrained from touching her, telling her not to rush in their marriage. She had been grateful and amazed at his thoughtfulness. That until Yasuragi assigned to her. It was awkward. Yet, both of them had realized that there was nothing between them anymore. Yasuragi had become a loyal guard, guarding her without trespassing boundary.

From where everything turned downward? Since when the seed of the sin sprouted?

It was when she realized that she had grown to love the king. She loved her husband. Like a young girl fell in love for the first time, she had been anxious yet excited at the same time. Yet, the excitement died down as she unintentionally walked in on the scene she hated. His husband and his consort, Lady Umi… They were kissing passionately. He touched Lady Umi but never her. She hated them for that.

It was the first time her heart broke. She did not feel it with Yasuragi, because she was the one who ended their relationship. Yet, it was so painful this time that she broke down in tears; and Yasuragi came to comfort her. She was too young that time, in her ea