2 Dimensional Boy's Review| For rainhoney

Review written by exoticbabylove

I really like the title, I was wondering who that 2 dimensional boy was. This title is certainly a special one for me as it is not overused in fanfics. After I clicked on the story, I had this question stuck in my head. Why is the main poster's title different from the actual title? In the end, I found out that it was the main page of the game. Okay, that was surprising!

When I moved on to the description, it was well-written but there were some mistakes here and there. Let's look at them.

Original: "His day basically consisted of, Waking up at 10am, Drinking some coffee, eating and use his computer."

Since you used commas instead of full stops, the next letter should not be in capital letters, after using '-ing' forms in 'waking', 'drinking' and 'eating', you cannot opted out the '-ing' in 'use'. So, change it.

Edited Version: "His day basically consisted of, waking up at 10am, drinking some coffee, eating and using his computer."

This will be better in my opinion.

Reading the first paragraph of the chapter, I can see that you are repeating what you have written in the description. It is exactly the same and I would not recommend writing repeated sentences that provides the same information. This gives off a feeling to readers that you have either nothing to tell more and makes the story draggy or dull.

I found some grammatical errors too. Let's have a look at them.

Original: "Joonmyun had just come back from a long vacation in Guangzhou to meet up with some old friends."

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