Say 'I Love You' One Last Time by SujuLadyrinth

Review by exoticbabylove

  

Title:

Initially, when I first looked at the title, I did find it a little too long. 7 words is long indeed. Let me tell you the reason why I am so interested in the title's word length, readers are normally attracted shorter ones and sometimes, all the 7 words will not be seen due to the length. What I am talking about is when your fanfic's title is posted as the chapter's title, some words cannot be seen as it is very long. Well, you can take this review as an example and it isn't an ideal choice. However, I can list out the pros of the title.

You didn't use the cliche title: "I Love You" for the fanfic, instead you added words to vivid the way you describe things. Isn't that good? I love that, you gave me a little grasp of the angst in the title. Of course, you didn't reveal the whole story-line and the title did make me click on the link to check out the story. So great job! However, I have to say that the title did not have a strong connection to the story, the title only had a connection that the last half of the third chapter. I have to tell you that a good title requires strong connection to the story; it meant that at the start of the story, you can already see the connection. Thus, I would have to say that the title is not the best choice in my opinion.

Plot & Originality:

There are both pros and cons in your plot, there are realistic times in the story and there are plot holes too. First, the time that Chanyeol took to really accept Baekhyun was very realistic, after all for a loner to get a friend needs a lot of thinking and consideration. I liked the realistic-ness, Chanyeol didn't open up to Baekhyun after a few mere days. For a cold person to open up his walls fully, it take a seriously long time and this really showed the patient and considerate Baekhyun. However, there were some flaws in the plot, first I didn't like how Eunmi just blabbered out the truth immediately to Baekhyun. It sounded very unrealistic, for her to tell a stranger that she met a minute ago one of her 'greatest' secrets. I was unrealistic on how she just said that the rumor was fake, if some people that took the initiative to ask her the same question Baekhyun did, wouldn't the whole school know that the rumor is fake? Well, this was one of the queries that were left in my mind. I do think that you can improvise on your story by filling up these plot holes after this review so that you can clear up the queries in your readers' head.

Another unrealistic happening in the fanfic was the part where Chanyeol robbed(?) the restaurant. The reactions of the people in the restaurant were just too unrealistic, first someone should have called the police. I mean who will not call the police to report a case of rob? Yes, this was the queries I had in my mind, everyone just rushed over to help Baekhyun and no one called the police? I do believe that the first human instinct in to call for help, which should be the police but everyone just let Chanyeol leave the cafe and continue doing what they were doing. So, I hope that you can give this a thought, think about the ideal reaction if something similar really happens in real life, what would you do? How will you react? In future, when writing such incidents, please give a more specific thought to them, think of the realistic-ness.

 

 

Characterization:

For the characterization part, I will only t