[Improvised]Do You Believe In Ghosts?|Tinkle_Star

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Title

I quite like it! It's a rhetorical question, and thus it messes with their mind. Also one can guess what kind of theme your story has. If I were to see it for the first time, I would've guessed that your story was probably horror however upon seeing your poster, I would've been wrong. This may not or may be an advantage. If one thought that your story was a horror, they'd be a bit disappointed upon learning that your story doesn't even include that genre. Although the title was written quite cleverly, I'd like to point out the fact that it can be a bit misleading to some readers. Now, if I were to see your title for the first time, I'd be interested in reading your story, however it isn't as gripping amongst the sea of other stories. Personally, it both gives a menacing yet childish feel to it. Childish as it's the type of question that an adult may ask a little child; menacing if the title was to be said in a darker and eerie tone. Now, I somehow see the relevance of the title to the story but I've yet to understand purely on why you used it. Hopefully, when you update, the reasons will be much clearer.

Also, the capitalisation is a bit wrong; instead I believe the title should be written as 'Do You Believe in Ghosts?'; other then that I believe the title was alright.

 

 

Appearance [Foreword; Description; Poster (if any); Readability}

Let's start off with the poster; I did not expect it to be like this. Why? Initially, I thought your story would be a horror when seeing your title. So I was quite surprised when learning that your story was not I expected it to be. Moving on, the poster gives a light and almost-cheerful vibe which ultimately contrasts the dark themes I thought your story was about. The colours used blended nicely with each other, and the characters were cut cleanly. Although, I don't see the relevance nor its symbolism of the sky, I can somehow understand the reasons why you chose the character's image. Personally, I thought it was to give off a school-vibe which is embedded in your story. On the whole, the poster's nice, though it was a bit surprising at first.

Now for your readability, I had no problem with it! The font was readable and I managed to follow your story through. The paragraph spacing is great as well, and well I'm alright with it; I have no problem about your readability.

Onto your description; I was quite torn about it. I felt like you gave a bit too much information about the story. As a reader, I'd want to find out Miyoung's death and the events that follow on by reading your story; I simply don't want to be given the information otherwise I don't anything to imagine about. Moreover, you jumped between tenses which made me a bit confused as wel - this I'll elaborate on later. Now, your description was fine, however it wasn't something that made me want to read your story; although the plot may have been interesting, your description didn't have anything special which would have made me excited to further read your story. Of course I was interested on what rule(s) the ghost decided to break, and why he/she have done it - but that's it. Try hint information, or perhaps leave the readers to guess on what happened. For example, you didn't have to mention Miyoung died in a car accident; that's an aspect the readers can find out for themselves.

Onto the foreword, you gave us an extract from your story where presumably the action begins. I have to admit, it was quite grasping as questions popped into mind such as:

What was Miyoung going to do?

How did Onew die?

Why does Miyoung seem like there were a lot of things she wanted to do?

These questions made me want to further read your story despite the fact your description may have given some of the information away. Moreover, even the title more or less relates to this extract, as it leaves readers wondering on whether Miyoung was going to do something crazy  which would exploit her identity as a dead woman. 

Overall, I believe your foreword was alright; it gave the audience in what to expect and also it lures in the readers. As mentioned I was a bit torn when reading your description however with a few edits on it, I believe it'll be better. 

 

 

Plot & Originality

In all honestly, I haven't come across any other story that has a smiliar plot to yours. But can I dare say that yours is original? I'm not too sure. Although I had different thoughts on how your story was going to be like, I wasn't disappointed upon realising that you were going to take a different approach. The plot's unfolding bit by bit, and right now I'm interested on what's going to happen after Miyoung has seen a girl 'rubbing her lips' on her boyfriend. 

Now, the idea of the girl wanting to go back with the guy is both typical and 'normal' in society. However what I don't see is real is how two really different (in my opinion) characters like each other - this, an aspect I'll expand upon later. Sure opposites attract but I'm quite skeptical on that area. Moreover, the idea of Miyoung 'possessing' a body isn't anything fresh however I can understand that it's probably the sensible thing to do. 

Your story has more or less started, and there hasn't been anything particularly exciting, however that leaves you room to create an event that would wow your readers. I'd like to mention this as well; don't try and add lots of twists and turns. I quite like the simplicity of your story and adding layers of events would just complicate it.

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