Mr. Delinquent by KJpoper

Review by exoticbabylove

Title

First, it was very weird when I saw the 'new version' in the title. What do you mean that it is a new version? So did you have an old version before? The questions were left unanswered since you didn't mention much about it. Thus, I would recommend deleting that as it does not serve as a purpose in the title. You can put that in your author's note in the foreword if you want. So, next if we talk about your original title, I do have to share with you that the title did not appeal much in my opinion. I don't fancy titles with 'Mr' or 'Mrs/Mdm/Miss' or similar naming in titles, well, they are just too commonly seen in titles. Thus, I would recommend not using them as they are too commonly-seen in titles. However, I like the word Deliquent. It did serve as a good adjective on the male lead character but in another point of view, I do find the word 'deliquent' a little too revealing for your characterization and your story plot. Well, revealing the whole idea of Luhan being a delinquent was too much. Thus, I don't think that this title is the best choice, so it will be preferred if you can choose another title. This is merely my opinion though, the final choice is still up to you!

Language

There are some mistakes that I found in the story so let's revise them.

-Seohyun and Luhan are dating, I know shocker. The gangster and idol dating? No one knows about it through, so shhh...I have to admit that this summary was quite poorly done as the word choice was awkward and the sentences sounded awkward. What does I know shocker means? It really shocked me because I have never seen this word 'shocker' before in books and the dictionary. And some words were wrongly-used. They had the similar spellings but the meaning are very different. Let's take 'through' and 'though' for an example, that last sentence, it should be 'though'. I wouldn't talk much about this so I hope that you can do yourself a favor by finding the meaning of both words and understand the vast difference, The next thing is the word 'shhh....' , I have to tell you that this isn't recommmended as 'shhh...' isn't a word at all. Please try using real words in future! I know you can do it!

-She nodded excitedly. She knew that Luhan was nature loving which was weird for he was a gangster; Luhan is indeed different-At least for her. What does nature-loving mean? It should be a nature-lover instead. Next, this phrase 'for he was a gangster' sounds weird, please try to rephrase the sentence. 'At least for her' sounds weird too, I would suggest writing 'At least in Seohyun's eyes.' Many of your words used are wrong so try checking several times before posting in future! You can do it!

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