A Thousand You|Divergin1004

Review by exoticbabylove

Notice: This review will be less detailed than my usual ones since this is a one-shot. I can't include criterias like the story flow, a full judging on characterization and plot development. Nonetheless, I will try my best!

Title

As for the title, I do have to say that there are both pros and cons. Firstly, I am not really a fan of numbers in book, fanfics or drama titles. However, it did attract me when looked at the title word by word. What did you mean by writing that there are a thousand of this character? Who is this 'you' that you were talking about? All these queries came up in my mind so I can't help but to click on the story to find out more.

However, I can't say that this is a totally unique title as a thousand has been widely-used in titles. Let's take the song 'A Thousand Years' for example, then we have other titles like 'A Thousand Lies' and many others. So, I didn't really fancy the 'a thousand' in it. Nonetheless, I still appreciate the length as it was neither too short or too long. Great, as for tips for a better title. I will suggest using adjectives to brighten the title's atmosphere; let's move on!

Language & Writing Style

As for your language, I found it very good; I didn't spot any major grammar or spelling mistakes on the way so good job! I do have to talk about your writing style though, I find that you have a habit of repeating your words and their distances aren't very far apart. I don't really like the feeling of repeated words because they just give off a sense that it isn't new. It did give off a feeling of draggy and boring due to the repeated words.

This is merely my personal opinion but I do wish that you can take this advice into consideration. There are too many repeated words in a sentence; the first sentence has three 'mere'. I will suggest changing your word usage? So that the sentences will sound more 'light' and 'fluffy'. Sorry, this sounds a little like baking but this is just a thought that came out from my mind.

So, I still had some queries that I need to clear with you. Okay, let's start by looking at them.

-Everyday, Woohyun sees his redhead, one way or another. But what happens when his redhead disappears? Just like any person in a crowd should?

I was quite lost when you mentioned 'his' redhead. First, you wrote 'a' redhair and changed the mentioning by writing that this redhead is Woohyun's 'property'. So, I was questioning myself if I missed anything in between. First, by writing 'a redhead', it sounded formal. However, after changing it to 'his redhead' it did change a lot in the story's atmosphere to a informal one. It seems like he did know this redhead very well and this couple did have a close relationship.

I did find a similar repeated word case, let's have a look at them.

-A decent human in a decent sea of people, so why or how did you stand out?

Initially, I did check the list of words in the thesaurus that are similiar to 'decent' but I didn't get to find any suitable results. Thus, the only way I can think of is to remove that certain repeated word. How does that sound? Judging by your case for this sentence, it wouldn't be any different if you remove that word. So, is that fine? I will look forward to your opinions about this.

-A decent human in a sea of people, so why or how did you stand out?

About your writing style in further detail, I really like it! You used the 'show-not-tell' method more in the story and it is a rarely-seen in fanfics. I thoroughly enjoyed your story as it was full or descriptive and vivid details. An example is how you described the rainy day; instead of writing rain droplets, you wrote 'a war of continuous bullets'. This was a great experience when I read your story; a light-hearting experience in fact!

About your word choice, some are great as many words were in fact 'big words' that are uniquely-seen in fanfics. However, some words could be rather distracting and awkward for me. It is uncommon in your long one-shot but there are still such cases so let's have a look at those mistakes:

-Yet again, the rain attacks my poorly umbrella that I was clutching onto.

I totally did not understand what a 'poorly umbrella' meant. Poorly can only be used in sentences like 'I did poorly in my English examinations.' So, by using poorly with the word 'umbrella'; it isn't suiting at all and it did make me cringe when I saw this word choice. In my opinion and preference, I would write this instead:

-Yet again, the rain attacked my poor umbrella that I was clutching onto.

Actually, I didn't fully understand what you were trying to say. Poorly umbrella? For me, there are two suitable choices that are quite close to the phrase. The sentence that I thought of above was 'poor umbrella'. By writing that, I thought that this narrator is feeling sorry and pity for his/her umbrella. There is another possiblity too.

-Yet again, the rain attacked my poor-quality umbrella that I was clutching onto.

So, there are two possibilities for your phrase. This is the other one; by writing this I meant that the narrator's umbrella was actually very poor in quality and he/her hates it in fact. So, there is a mystery here. Two possibilities, I would like to know the answer from the author myself. Could you tell me in the comments? That would be helpful!

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