Under the Shade of Reverie| macchiato-

Reviewed by exoticbabylove

Title

I have to start off by saying that I love the title! It sounds very mythical for me and I totally enjoyed reading the title. Yes, it had that appeal for readers to click on the title. However, there are some cons for the title and I am going to elaborate it. First, I did question myself if the title had connection with the story after reading through half of the one-shot. Finally, when I finished the whole one-shot, the title did have a connection with the story but it was very weak to be honest. I would prefer a title that connects with the story strongly from the start. So, keep it up! 

The next thing I have to talk about is the awkwardness of the title after I read the title word-by-word; finding that unneeded word. I found it, the word 'the' is unneeded to be honest. It makes the title very lengthy so I would suggest removing 'the'. Then, I would replace it by changing the title to this: "Under Shades Of Reverie".  Personally, I prefer this arrangement of the title.

Language & Writing Style

-It almost seemed surreal to her, how last night she had fallen asleep begging for mercy; wishing for a gleaming strike of hopes to appear the next time she woke up. It should be 'It almost seemed surreal to her, how she had fallen asleep last night begging for mercy; wishing for a gleaming strike of hope to appear when she wakes up.'I do have to talk a lot about this small part which I adapted from your story content. First, your writing style has a problem as you seem to add some details at the wrong place. Take this part as an example 'how last night she had fallen asleep begging for mercy...' Well, it sounds awkward as you added details either eariler or later. There should be a sequence in a sentence and your story content is lacking that. As for some mistakes, 'A' will represent that the object or thing that you are talking about is in singular form but you used 'hopes' and this made the phrase become a plural form. So, I would assume that this is a careless mistake.

-'That it was a mere nightmare and it was coming to an end because she found the source of light to illuminate her tenebrous schlep.'Funny word choice, the two words do not fit each other in meaning. Perhaps, you should try finding a better word choice.

-'She found herself walking aimlessly around the busy street of Seoul.' The streets in Seoul is more than one, so it should be in plural form.

As you can see there are some mistakes in the story content so I do hope that you can correct them when you have time. Now, I am going to talk about your writing style. It is funny when you start writing about the story content and you mixed up the details' sequence so I would like you to take more note of the story. Your writing style is amazing with those 'big' words, I would like to say, your vocabulary bank has a great amount and I can see that you have read a lot in general to have such a descriptive writing ability. Good job! I managed to satisfy myself by savouring the words you have given as descriptions. Great job!

Plot

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