Title

So, the first thing I want to comment on is your title. It does sound interesting when you added the word 'hell' in there, I had thoughts if the characters were really stuck in hell or was that 'hell' that you are referring too just a mental hell for the characters? When I had all these questions in my head, it did attracted me to click on the title since it sounded mysterious. Questions like who were the characters are and why were they in this 'hell' appeared in my mind so it did impressed me.

However, I did see similar titles in the site before and I don't really like repeated things since they don't have a sense of originality. I did want to comment that it was great and I couldn't think of a better title as it had a strong relationship with the story. Another reason why I like it is because you did not give the whole story or plotline away and that was amazing.

Thumbs up for the great title! 

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Language

To be honest, I found this area lacking a little and it was weak. There were sentences that had structural errors and some things I would like to comment on. So, this would not just be looking closer into the language section, other criteria will be included too. So, what happened? When I was reading the description and foreword there were some mistakes and things I needed to point out. Let's look at them.

Original: "One day, a teenage boy, Sehun, taken away from his home, his parents murdered right before his eyes. " 

It sounded choppy and they could be combined without the commas in between. This is what I call a sentence structure error that I had mentioned above. Read the sentence above a few times and you will notice that it sounds weird and awkward. So, I will try re-structuring it so that the sentence can flow.

Edited Version: "Sehun, a teenage boy, was taken away from his home after his parents was murdered right before his eyes."

As you can see, I opted out the 'one day'. I would suggest not to use 'one day' as a start of the sentence, it is easy for your standard of writing and I know you can do better. You can use other ways of methods to start a sentence instead of 'one day', you can read on them and improve on this. Starting with a phrase is great too or you can opted out the 'one day' like what I did above.

Let's look at this cut-off sentence.

Original: "Sehun would experience pain, suffering, fear

...but at the same time...

friendships would be forged, unbreakable relationships would be formed, love will grow."

I personally found this chop-off sentence very hard to be read so please join them together. It would be suggested to stop using ellipsis(...) in stories so remove that too.

Edited Version: "Sehun would experience pain, suffering, fear but at the same time, friendships would be forged. Unbreakable relationship would be formed and love will grow."

This will honesty be better as I can read it as a full-formed sentence. Remember not to write chopped-off sentences ever again as it will 'hasten' the flow of the story and we wouldn't want that to happen.

Do you remember what I said about repeated words? I don't really like seeing repeated words that are in the same sentence, you can use other words or simply remove it from the sentence. Otherwise, the repeated words will make the sentence sound draggy and boring to readers. Please take note of this! This is the sentence that I am talking about.

Original: "This is a story about their journey for a better life, a better future and a freedom that they all deserve."

Remove the repeated words and only keep one. Let me show you what I will do.

Edited Version: "This is a story about their journey for a better life, future and  freedom that they all deserve."

This will be better for me so if you see any other sentences that has the same problem as this, do change them. We have to work on your story's flow as these will make your story flow sound abrupt.

Let's look at same mistakes that I spotted in the story, so let's look at them. Original: "To the public, they are an extremely well-established company have made a lot of achievements in many aspects especially in technology." "Extremely well-established" isn't fitting together so I will recommend removing the word 'extremely'. I understand that you are trying to make the company sound well-known but adding the extremely will only make the story sound draggy. Edited Version: "To the public, they are a well-established company that made countless achievements in many aspects, especially in technology."   Original:" At first thought, people with two different eye colours sounds really ugly, but trust me, it is the most beautiful thing in the world." I doesn't mean that by using the antonym of 'beautiful' will make the sentence sound correct. What am I implying? 'Ugly' is not a fitting word in the sentence. Ugly is more to appearances, yes, you are talking about appearances but the 'ugly' you are referring to is the 'sounds' in 'sounds really ugly'. Sounds cannot be considered as ugly. So, I would like to make a chance in the wrong word choice.   Edited Version: "Initially, people with two different eye colors do sound disgusting, but trust me, it is just perfection." For me, I changed the 'most beautiful thing in the word' because you repeated that in the quote from the foreword, already, so please do not repeat phrases or words because we can easily find a replacement for the phrase or words if you consider.   You do have problems with the tenses too. Let's have a look at them. Original: "The moment you see it, your whole world would stop and you would want to stare at them for eternity." Honestly, I found this sentence a little cheesy and awkward. Is there a better way to phrase this sentence so that it wouldn't sound so cheesy? Other than that, you have been using the wrong tense as the action of 'you' staring at the eyes haven't happen and it can't be in past tense since it didn't even happen. I will do some changes with the sentence other than the tenses. Edited Version: "As cheesy as it sounds, the moment when you stare into the crescents of their unique eyes, you will be attracted instantly by it's sheer beauty. You may even wish to sta