Broken Memory Bank by pinkblink

Review by exoticbabylove

Title:

The length of the title is perfect in my opinion. It is neither too long nor too short. Something that I liked about the title is the adjective given to the memory bank. It gives the reader more insight for the story. After reading the title, many queries appeared in my head, like how did the memory bank broke? Whose memory bank is it? Why did the memory bank break? Yes, so I like titles like this, given all these queries, I can't help but to feel attracted to the fanfic. Adding to the fact that there isn't any awkward sentence structure in the title or any errors, it intrigued me to click on the fanfic to find out more.  The title also have a strong connection to the story ever since the first chapter. So, I will have to say that the title is a good choice!

Language & Writing Style:

I've noticed that you have a mature writing style, which is good because the characters are all in their early thirties. They aren't teenagers or children, so their speaking and language should be more professional, more monotonous. Adults are normally good actors, people that could control their feelings and talk in a monotone way by hiding the emotions they have behind the thick mask. Their emotional walls are very thick and they wouldn't waver for a compliment like how teenage girls fan-girl and blush when they hear a compliment. I could see that from your writing, they are much more mature in a way. I have to say that I indeed love the fact that no childishness or their true feelings were shown in their dialogues. Realistic and interesting. That is why I can see a difference between Sehun's actions and dialogues and his wife's. Their difference in age after Sehun had this amnesia was clearly shown and I like how you showed it to the readers' without telling them directly. I could feel it through the description for his actions. Great job!

I have also noticed that there are still some minor mistakes intact in the fanfic, so let's have a look at them.

[Original Version]""Is that what that creeping earlier was about? To tell me I'm beautiful?"

Personally, I don't really fancy repeating the same word when their distances is very short. It feels awkward and weird after reading that sentence out loud several times, thus I would tell you that it would be best for you to try to replace the repeated words. Repeated words just give me a sense of dullness and plain-ness, so keep on the look out for repeated words.

Plot & Originality:

Actually, when I first read the first two chapters, I did find the plot very overused. I can easily pick up a fanfic about amnesia and by using amnesia as a plot twist, it was a cliche thing to do. I did hate reading amnesia fanfics as the writers normally depicted that there is a big problem in the characters' relationship and after the character has an amnesia, their relationship improves as he/she develops a new personality out of this illness. I found that very cliche and I  thought that your story was no exception but I was proved wrong.

What I liked in the story was the vast number of characters introduced, they all had their equal screen times in this 8 chapters, all of the characters proved a significance to the story; this is where I can