Picturesque Supernova|-heartfelt

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Title

So, I have to start off by saying how much I love this title. I have been reviewing many fics these few months and I have to say that your title is one of the best I have ever seen. It didn't give off the story-line or plot and I had many queries in my mind.  Was the character really a supernova that is picturesque? That must be stunning and I decided to give the story a shot. If I had seen titles like this in the 'latest updated fanfics' I will click on it since it attracted me so much.

One of the reasons why I loved the title so much was because the two words were dynamic and they give off an effect of mystery and suspense. So, I was so interested and intrigued in the title thus I found it a good starting point for your fanfic. I know that as a fellow reviewer, I shouldn't judge stories merely on titles but yours' gave me a feeling that this story will be a great one.

However, after reading the whole one-shot, I found that the title actually had no connection with the one-shot, the title was like a total different title from the story so it got me quite upset with it. Who was the supernova here? Was it Junhong? But he wasn't even a popular guy in there so it got me questioning myself if I had missed something. Or was he a supernova even though he didn't think so? Junhong was depicted as a weirdo so he should be a loner in school since he's weird. So, I find that I needed some opinion on the title. Did you have a different plot-line before you written the story as I had thoughts that Junhong will be a play-boy when I read the title but it was the direct opposite. I need some explanation here.

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Plot

I totally find the plot great, unique and a first scene. I have to regret looking at the tags. When I looked at the tags, it had 'psychological', 'gore', 'suspense', 'horror' and in my opinion, these 4 genres are the hardest to write because we don't understand how those people feel, gore is the hardest to write since we don't really have any experience about that. So, I actually doubt(I'm so sorry, I really regret it) if you can write a well-developed one and you did! I really like the idea about the plastic surgery story since it is not commonly seen in fanfics.

I found the part where Junhong cut Taeyeon disgusting and crazy-minded. How could Junhong do that? Anyways, I can't care about this guy since he's mentally. Of course, I found that creative. However, I did have to question the way he cleared the evidence. How can Sooyoung(maybe not her but Junhong's sister) not find out where Taeyeon went? She should have searched everything around and asked Taeyeon's parents. Taeyeon's parents will also find out that she is missing? Next, about how he cleared the evidence, did he even eat the bones? If not, he will have the trouble to clear those bones up. Let me tell you it is unbelieveable about him eating a whole and complete human and human has a lot of blood, when he cut the legs up, blood will splatter around the whole bathroom and it will be hard clearing the whole mess.

So, I did consider the believablity in this part but I loved the story throughout. Enjoyable, creepy and amazing.

 

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Language

I really admire your language skills as when I was reading the fanfic, I didn't notice any grammar mistakes and punctuation errors so great job and that is fantastic. However, for me, I do have some things that I want to point out or change so let's look at them.

Original: " Junhong would never forget that day. That day he went against human nature and re-crafted his own face." 

You might be thinking, what is wrong with these two sentences? The problem is the repeated phrase we had and they were back-to-back. I will never recommend using repeated phrases or words when both phrases/words are near to each other. For me, they will abrupt the story flow and tend to make to story sound a little draggy. So, I don't recommend using them together at such a near distance. Wait, after reading the sentence several times, I did find a grammar mistake, let's look at them.

Edited Version: "Junhong will never forget that day. The day he went against human nature and re-crafted his own face."

It should be 'will' instead of 'would' since he still will not forget that day, so it can't be a past tense since he will still not forget that incident in the future. Let's take this example: "I will always love you." It is a 'will' since it will still happen in the future. Sorry for the long explaination, because I wanted to clarify this problem with you. Yeah, so look out for tenses in the future because they affect your score in competitions? I see that you have join a writing competition and many competitions are tough with grammar. So it's our job as writers to lessen the mistakes and make it perfect in this area.

As you can see, I also changed the both 'that day' into a 'the day' since I really hate repeated words, so just keep this repeating of words in mind since they really irked me. I can't stand the dragginess and they give off a sense that writers as other words to change into, in other words, repeated words or phrase do show that writers have a limited usage of words so they repeat them. Let's not do them!

Okay, let's look at another thing that I want to point out.

Original: ""It'll see what you yourself don't."

I found this sentence rather awkwardly-structured. I found it hard to understand what you were trying to depict. The mirror can see what Junhong can't see? I found this weird and funny because mirrors don't have eyes. Perhaps, do you mean that the mirror can show what Junhong can't see? I guess this will be a better explanation for me. 

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