Invisible Boundaries(A Boy With Two Hearts) by EPIONE

Review by exoticbabylove

I would like to apologise for the extremely long wait, thank you for your patience!

Title:

I didn’t really like the idea of having two titles, it sounds long and complicating personally. I would prefer either one since both titles made me interested in the story, but putting the titles together, it didn’t have a special link, they did not have any connection at all, which gives the title a complicated feeling. Other than that, while looking at both titles one by one, I found the title very interesting and it leaves a lot of questions at the back of the readers head which is one of the reasons why I continued reading. I assumed that the boy in the title should be referring to Youngjae and my guess was right! I have to add on that you have a descriptive title! The title has a connection towards the story, where I can relate to 'A boy with two hearts' on chapter 6 where Yongguk had a talk with Youngjae.

Writing Style:

The foreword was interesting, it was detailed but unclear. Many things are left unanswered in my mind and I really enjoyed the descriptive writing style that you have. It created a big and clear picture in my head when I was trying to visualise the story. It wasn’t very hard to read on or anything due to your writing style. Again, it is very descriptive since you don’t wish to repeat their names several times. Very fresh indeed because instead of seeing Daehyun’s name appearing several times, I see changes to his name-calling, like ‘busan vocalist’. I really like it but it has both pros and cons to this calling. It will be very refreshing for BABYs, like me, since we really like the reference made from the members. However, we would like to think about the other reading 'audience' for your fanfics, it can be readers from other fan-bases as well as new fans. They might not know BAP personally and it might affect them as they might not know who you are talking about. Well, this is my only worry. Would you lose readers if they do not understand the topic you are talking about or will they take advantage of the situation to learn more about BAP by searching about what it meant. I'm sorry, I think too much about things like this. Well, what do you personally think about this? Please tell me your opinions on the comment box after reading this!

Something more about your writing style is that you can create very amusing plot twists that leaves my feelings hanging there, exactly like the end of the roller coaster ride, I can feel the thriller even though the genre isn't about crime or anything. The characters feelings are very deep which makes me connect to the characters easily, they are living characters with feelings. One plot twist that left me hanging was the one at the end of chapter two, where the person that called Jongup before he called Youngjae was actually Daehyun. It was very unexpected and didn't have a hint of cliche-ness. Fresh, I would say. This made me continue reading to find out what would happen. The way you tried to leave some things unsaid made me want to find out more. So, I would say that you have excellent planning skills, some writers tend to try what you did but backfired as readers have a certain limit for 'vagueness', if the problem is not introduced after a few chapters and the readers do not understand anything, they will stop reading. However, you know when to reveal a new hint and that is what makes me continue reading on, to put all the hints together to form the whole picture. Great job! And I was surprised when you said you needed some help with your descriptions on the comment below because your descriptions are perfect in my opinion; not too much until it makes the readers bored or too little where the readers get annoyed due to the lack of descriptions. Your descriptions are just along the line, which fits the story and plot perfectly! Superb writing style!

However, I would like to mention a small problem I encountered while reading your story. Chapter 1's fonts is different from chapter 2, and chapter 3 and 4's fonts are the same as chapter 1. I have to say that if you would like to improve in appearance for the story, it would be best if you keep your fonts the same so that it gives off a clean and neat feeling. Just a small problem here, so all you need is merely a change of fonts, if you like. This is purely my opinion. I encountered some parts where I think that it can be improved.

There was this part in chapter 9.

"The girl slowly turned her elegant head towards.."

The phrase that is bold above is awkward, elegant can be used to body parts such as body curves, facial features and the way someone walks or talks or her demeanour. Personally, an elegant head isn't really correct. Thus, this is considered as awkward sentence structures. If I were you, I would change it to:

"The girl slowly turned her head towards the younger girl elegantly, flashing her a smile."

Plot:

The plot had its pros and cons. I don't really fancy stories where siblings fall in love mainly because I don't want that to happen to me and my brother and stories like this makes me feel insecure and weird when I'm with my brother. But what had me going along with the story well was the plot twists. How every puzzle fit into place, every chapter some parts of Jiae's history will unfold and it is very intriguing for me. The relationship between Junhong and Daehyun is one of the main plot twists, their relationship is so special and it's a first time for me. What is their true relationship? I mean, this story has a darker genre as it isn't merely about fluff and relationships that are straightforward like how the OC can easily label her boyfriend, ex-boyfriend and best friend. There is a line to each of them. However, there wasn't a line for Junhong and Jiae, it was unclear for their relationship. Junhong is tops the list in the people Jiae trusts, she trusts him more than herself. But, did she love him? What exactly are they? I would talk more about this in the characterization. For now, I'll list out all of the cliche parts I encountered in the story, the part where Junhong had a one-sided love towards Jiae but this was how their relationship was developed gradually.

Characterization:

The characters are special, their character development were shown through your words, and their personalities were shown based on their actions and the way they talked. Instead of listing their character traits, you showed us through