Am I Hurting? by KyuteukLover

Review by exoticbabylove

Title

To be honest, my first impression of your title is that it looked very awkward as in the sentence structure. It lacks those feels. Personally, I do think that the title matters a lot as it makes the readers decide whether they should read the story or not. When I say that it lacks those feels, I mean that the title isn't appealing. Am I Hurting sounded weird because these three words do not fit each other. Yes, in my opinion, the current title is not the best choice for me. Thus, I would recommend titles like 'Are You Hurt?' or 'Do You Feel Hurt?' Personally, I have to say that you have potential as the title is unique in some ways. I do find titles with questions very unique. So, the main problem you have now is just the awkward sentence structure.

Plot & Writing Style

The plot is very carefree just like the setting you have set in the story. I totally love the reason why Donghae and Hyukjae moved to the American because of the negative thoughts and looks from the countrymen in Korea. I understand how they feel due to your great elaboration on the characters feelings. I can see that you put yourself into their shoes while writing this fanfic thus I enjoyed reading their feelings and thoughts a lot. I can see that you used the 'show-not-tell' method and I have to compliment you for doing that. It wasn't plain because you didn't use obvious words to show the character's feelings. Instead, you tried to elaborate on how they felt. Great job! I totally like your writing style. I have to comment that the flow of the story is good. After each chapter ends, it leaves me a lot of questions at the back of my hand and I really want to find out more about Donghae and Hyukjae. So I love the cliffhangers you gave at each chapter's endings.

Language & Writing Style

For language, let me summarise on your language in the story. First, it is better than I expected as you mentioned that English is not your first language. However, there is still room for improvement. Thus, I have to tell you that you are doing relatively fine on language but there are some errors that I spotted in the story so let's have a look at them. 

Before going to the story's mistakes. I took a look at your comment in the shop and noticed a mistake. There isn't a phrase called 'thanks you'. It is either 'thank you' or 'thanks'. So, take note of that in future!

[Chapter 4]

"What now?" he clearly showed he was getting annoyed.

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