(Krystal’s POV)

Taeyeon unni and Tiffany unni were so fortunate. They made it a point to visit Tiffany unni’s family at least once a week and in return, Tiffany unni’s father really started warming up to Taeyeon unni. It turned out that he was more accepting than any of us had thought, especially Tiffany unni herself whom had misunderstood her father all this time. Slowly, the father-daughter relationship that had been strained for so long had now started to mend. It was like a dream come true for my two favorite unnis and I was so happy for them. No matter how outsiders may or may not look at them, they now at least have the support of those whom it mattered.

“What’s wrong, Kryssie?” Jessie asked, bringing me back out from my thoughts.

“Hmmm? Oh, it’s nothing…” I told her.

In fact, New Years Eve was only days away and I knew what that meant. It meant that my relationship with Jessie was about to meet its ultimate trial which may very well determine our future together. I know we said that we would stand by each other no matter what but it doesn’t mean that we’re, or at least I’m not still nervous about explaining this to our parents.

“Jessie…” I placed my hand on hers and it with my thumb.

“Hmmm?” she responded. She turned her hand over so she could intertwine our fingers and hold my hand in hers. Her hands were surprisingly warm; they were usually a little cold and in need of warmth.

I grabbed her hand and held it to my cheek. “Mmmm…”

“What are you doing, silly girl?” Jessie giggled, now caressing my cheek.

“Your hand feels warm today…” I told her. I loved that feeling so much; when she careseed my cheek. There was something so intimate about it and it made me feel all tingly on the inside.

“That’s because you’re right beside me,” she replied with a grin.

I chuckled. “You marshmallow… When did you become like this?” Thinking about it now, Jessie had changed a lot while our parents were gone. “I think you’ve changed recently… I like it a lot…”

“I haven’t changed, Kryssie. We’ve changed. I couldn’t be like this with you before and I will only ever be this way when I’m with you because only you make me feel this way… Can’t you see?” she corrected me.

I still haven’t gotten used to her saying something like that to me. I don’t think I ever will; I don’t ever want to. It made my heart flutter and I don’t think I would ever want to lose that feeling. I don’t ever want to lose her. I can’t…

“What’s wrong, Kryssie…?” Jessie asked again. This time, she held my face with both her hands, closed her eyes and pressed out foreheads together. “Hmmm… I sense… something is troubling you…”

“I can’t hide anything from you, can I, Jessie?” I sighed.

“No… Not really. So you ARE hiding something…?” She frowned then pinched my arm.

“Owww!” I yelped.

I guess I was wrong…

Some things never change. We still loved torturing each other.

“So? Are you? Hmmm? Are you?” She started playfully poking me all over.

“Stop, Jessie, stop… I’m not hiding anything, I promise…” I tried defending myself but I was no match for her prowess.

“Then tell me… what is it…?” she asked again.

She stopped then brushed the hair that was always in my face away, following through by running her fingers through it, the softness of her skin brushing against my neck sending a jolt of electricity throughout my entire being. Yes, I still felt this way. I will always feel this way and I will always remember this feeling. I wanted to keep this feeling forever.

“It’s… It’s almost New Years, Jessie…” I said under my breath. I knew I didn’t really have to explain further because we had gotten a phone call from mom and dad just a few weeks ago telling us that they were going to be back on New Years Day itself so that we could have a nice family reunion. Family reunion… My feelings were so conflicted. I did really missed mom and dad, and I was so glad that they were finally coming home. On the other hand, just the thought of us being a family… I don’t know how to express it but the most selfish part of me wished that we weren’t family.

I waited for her to give a response but she said nothing, although there was a slight shift in her expression.

“Jessie… Uhm, nevermind…” I wondered if she didn’t have the same worries as I did but then I decided perhaps it was better if she didn’t so I stopped myself from digging deeper.

“Kryssie…”

“Hmmm?”

“Do you want to go for a walk?” Jessie asked as if she hadn’t heard anything I had said.

“A walk…? To where?”

“Just… around…?”

“Uhm… it’s really cold out, but sure… Jessie…? Are you alright?”

“Yes… I just feel like getting some fresh air…” she explained.

“Alright then…”

Did I say something I shouldn’t have?

Jessie had gone all quiet in a blink of an eye. Perhaps I shouldn’t have said anything. This was exactly why I was afraid of telling her about my worries. Every time I felt like I’m secure about this relationship, I was really not and I nitpicked at my fears until they overwhelmed me. So this time, I decided not to speak of it any further and hope that she did not catch on to what I meant to say. So instead, we bundled up in our warmest clothing and headed out.

I didn’t know where she wanted to go so I just let her lead me, our arms locked in a link. But after a few minutes into the walk, I realized where she was heading.

“You feeling a little nostalgic, Jessie?” I asked. We were heading towards the playground that held so many of our childhood memories.

“You used to love coming here… Maybe except, that one time…” she answered.

We were the only ones there. It was the middle of winter so the playground was actually frosted over. I strolled over to the swings with Jessie in tow. When we got there, I grabbed the chains on the swings and tugged on them to shake off as much ice from them as possible. Then I brushed off any excess snow that had settled on the seats.

“There…” I chirped thriumphantly.

“Wow, I really didn’t think it through when I decided to head this way,” Jessie sighed, seeming like she had just snapped back into reality.

I giggled. I wasn’t sure why exactly but she seemed so adorable at that particular moment. “It’s okay. It feels like forever since we’ve been here.”

I hopped onto one of the swings and started rocking gently immediately, while she took her time. As she sat herself down onto the swing next to mine, she shuddered a little from the cold. I felt compelled to giggle again. For someone older than me by 5 years, sometimes she was just so childlike, it was so endearing.

“I’m okay, Jessie… You don’t have to worry. I didn’t mean to bring up something that we don’t have to worry about,” I told her when I noticed that her eyes were still filled with thought.

“You’re not alone, Kryssie… I just want you to know that. I’m always here, I’ll always be here… If there’s ever a day when I’m not around, know that I will still think of you every second and I will still watch over you somehow. I just want you to be happy and not have to worry,” she responded.

I didn’t like the tone in her voice. It sounded too… self-sacrificing. I couldn’t put my finger on it but there was definitely something very odd about her. I could see it in her eyes. She didn’t want me keeping secrets from her but I could tell that she was doing the same. There was something she wasn’t tell me. No, that’s definitely not what I wanted from her. “No, Jessie. I told you, I don’t need you to protect me anymore. I’m no longer a kid. We do things together now, you hear me?! No secrets, no making decisions alone. We’re in this together…”

“I’ll try, but I don’t know how not to put you before myself,” she admitted.

I knew she meant well when she said that but it just made me feel like I was a burden. I didn’t want her to feel as though she was the one who had to make all the difficult decisions, all the sacrifices because I would sacrifice everything for her at the drop of a hat. But I guess in this case, we both had the same things at stake.

I got off my swing, walked to her, stopped and knelt down in front of her. I placed my hands gently on her knees. Her eyes finally focused on mine and she smiled. I loved it when she smiled. There was nothing quite like it. Perhaps it was because she didn’t smile as often as others might, so when she did it felt like a gift. But then again, Jessie always had a smile for me.

“Jessie, I don’t want to be a burden to you” I told her, dead serious.

“Sorry?” Unsurprisingly, she was a little taken aback.

“I don’t want to be your burden. I know I’m younger but I want you to be able to lean on me when you’re weary, to confide in me when you’re troubled. I’m not a kid anymore, Jessie. You and I both know it,” I asserted.

“You’re not a burden!” she retorted. She grabbed my hands and held them tightly, as if I might leave her at any second.

“What am I to you then?” I asked. I wanted her to admit how she really thought of me and to say it out loud.

To my surprise, she answered without hesitating. “I know this might sound cheesy and unoriginal but… you’re my heart, Kryssie. You’re what keeps me going, you make me feel alive, and you’re the most important part of my being.”

“Oh, Jessie…” I buried my face in her hands. Her confession was just too… overwhelming.

“You see…? You see now why I can’t help myself? Of course I have to protect my heart. It’s instinctual,” she emphasized her point.

I refused to accept her argument. I looked up at her although my chin still resting on her hands. “But, Jessie… You have to protect yourself if you’re going to protect your heart. So we’re tied together. You can’t have one without the other. So promise me that we’ll stick together till the end, okay? No going rogue.”

She didn’t respond.

Why won’t she answer?

“Okay, Jessie?!” I asked again.

“O-Okay…” she replied but I wasn’t convinced.

“Promise me, Jessie. Say it. Say you promise.”

“Kryssie, I don’t…”

Oh god, why can’t she promise?!

“Just promise me, Jessie. Please… Even if you don’t mean it, I need to hear it…!” I begged.

“Alright, Kryssie, alright… I promise… I promise…” She lifted my chin up and brushed my messy hair that drapped over my face back, placing a gentle kiss on my forehead.

I took a few deep breaths and calmed down. “I’m sorry, Jessie. I… I don’t know why I’m being so emotional…”

“I know why… I understand… You’re scared, I’m scared too. We’re both scared but I think you know that I love you. No matter what happens, I will always love you and you will always have me. Always… I’m yours as long as you want me.” She removed her gloves and held my face between them. Again, they were surprisingly warm.

“Jessie, you’re all I want…”

She leaned down and kissed me on the forehead again. Then she got up from the swing and looked around, searching for something.

“What are you looking for?” I asked.

“Give me a second,” she said then she walked off.

I watched as she walked around, still actively searching for something. I took my seat on the swing and started rocking gently again, just watching her. I had no idea what she was up to because she kept walking, then stoping and crouching down and then getting back up and walking to somewhere else. After a few rounds, she walked back in my direction. I noticed that she was fiddling with something in her hands which made me curious.

“What’s that?” I tried to get a better look.

“No! It’s not ready!” She turned her back immediately.

Oh god, she’s so cute!

After a short while, she turned back to me and then this time, it was her kneeling before me.

“Kryssie… do you even know how happy I’ve been these past few months...?”

“I’ve never been happier too, Jessie…”

“I never could have imagined this would actually happen. I tried… I tried not to give in to these feelings but when I found out you felt the same, I was selfish. I let myself give in and I’m sorry. Perhaps it might have been better for you if I hadn’t. You would have gotten over your feelings and we wouldn’t have to be here,” she started pouring her heart out.

Where is this going…?!

“Jessie, I wanted this too! Are you really sorry? Are you regretting all of this? Please, don’t-” I didn’t want to hear what she wanted to say but she cut me off.

“No, of course I don’t regret any of it. Just… just let me finish, okay?” she told me. “So… perhaps it would have been better. But I’m grateful that you accepted me. I’m thankful that you were brave enough to love me back. I feel so blessed, Kryssie. So thank you. Thank you, Kryssie. Thank you for giving me the happiness I never knew I could have, that I don’t desserve.”

I wanted to tell her that I felt the same, that she need not feel bad nor that she didn’t desserve my love because it was more like I didn’t deserve her. But I let her finish.

“So, I promise… I promise I will do my best to always make you happy. To be the one who deserves you. I know this is weird and I’m being delusional but what can I say? I’m a fool in love. I’m yours forever, Kryssie… if you want me that is…”

She opened her hand, revealing a wreath made of grass in the size of a ring.

OHMIGOD!

“I know… I know I’m crazy. It might not be legal. If people knew they’d probably condemn us. But this is a symbol of my love for you…” she explained.

She was right. She was crazy. There are people in this world who would probably think that we would be going to hell. But I didn’t care because I’d rather be crazy with her than be sane without her. I would just have to deal with hell if it came to it.

“I must be crazy too because I love you, Jessie. I don’t care about anything else…” I finally responded.

She took my hand and placed the wreath on my ring finger. It may have been made of grass but it was now my most priceless possession. I got off the swing and knelt back down as well. I reached around the nape of her neck, drew our faces together and pressed my lips against hers.

“I love you so much, Jessie.”

“I love you too, Kryssie… So very much…” She pulled me in for another kiss; passionate and tender.

It was funny that out in the open, in the middle of winter, I had never felt a warmth that I was now feeling in her arms.