Selfishness

(Krystal’s POV)

I was beginning to like Taeyeon unni more and more. She’s nice, she’s awesome to talk to, we have similar interests, and we totally got each other. It was just nice to have someone you can talk to and doesn’t judge you. I knew dinner on Saturday was sure to be fun although I was worried about Jessie’s reaction. Even though I knew she liked Taeyeon unni too, she didn’t seem to like the fact that I was so close to her. She’s probably just feeling a little jealous that I wasn’t paying her as much attention. Honestly, the only reason I said no when Tiffany unni suggested we had dinner together was because I knew Jessie would try and get in between Taeyeon unni and I again.

What’s the point if I can’t have a conversation with Taeyeon unni? I’ll make it up to Jessie some other time…

Besides, Jessie had Tiffany unni to keep her company. Their date yesterday must have gone well because they had already decided to have a second date. I still didn’t like the idea of Jessie dating someone else but I had to get over it. If it had to be someone, at least it was Tiffany unni… Whatever it was, I tried my best not to show that I was unhappy about the situation. That’s why I was so happy to have a little distraction.

Jessie on the other hand had been a little strange since we got home from the hospital. She was really quiet all night and she didn’t really show any reaction when I mentioned going out for dinner with Taeyeon unni. I had half expected for her to make a fuss or come up with an excuse for me not to go, but she didn’t. I guess, in my heart, I actually wished she would do that because I like that she felt a little jealous from time to time. But that is just my ego talking. Why would she care that I was going out for a simple thank you dinner with Taeyeon unni…?

Stop dreaming Krystal! She’s never going to feel that way about you… She wouldn’t even go there because she’s not sick in the head like you are!

I think I was definitely getting over this feeling because it doesn’t hurt as much anymore when I thought about how we could never be together. I mean, it was still painful but instead of a million knives piercing my heart, it was maybe just thousands… I just had to keep telling myself that she was my sister and at least no one could ever take that away from me.

Jessie was cleaning up the last of the stuff left over from dinner, which was out of the ordinary for her because I usually did that. She was probably just doing it so I didn’t have to; she did keep reminding me not to exert myself too much. I stood at the doorway between the kitchen and the dining room, just watching her from behind.

I thought about whether I was lucky or unlucky to have ended up in my situation. I was definitely lucky. I was lucky to have Jessie as my sister. I was lucky to have her care for me the way she does. I was lucky just to have her in my life.

I suddenly had the urge to give her a hug. Actually, it was more accurate to say that I wanted a hug from her so I walked up to her, s my arms around her waist and gave her an unsuspecting back hug. She didn’t try to wriggle out, she didn’t turn around. She just wrapped her arms back around me and pulled me closer.

“Wae?” she asked.

“Nothing… I just wanted a hug,” I replied.

“Mmmm… How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine. You? You’ve been really quiet…”

“I’ll be fine. I’m just… a little tired…”

“Jessie, you should take care of yourself more.”

“I’m not important… It’s more important that you’re okay…”

I let go of her and spun her around so that she was facing me.

“How can you say that?! What am I supposed to do if something happened to you?! How do you expect me to be okay if you’re not?!” I shouted at her. I was angry that she always put me before herself. It made me feel so selfish.

“I can’t help it… That’s just how I feel. But it’s okay, Kryssie… I promise I’ll always be here.”

“You shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep. You told me that, Jessie!”

“Then, I’ll do everything in my power to make sure I keep that promise. I’d rather die before I break that promise.”

“Don’t say that! Take it back! This is not a joke!” She shouldn’t be saying things like that. I don’t even know how or why but I was getting really worked up over what she said.

This time it was her who pulled me into her arms and held me tightly. She waited until I calmed down before letting me go.

“I mean it. This is the one thing I know for sure,” she said to me as she looked into my eyes.

Her gaze was like a laser searing her words into my heart.

How did I find myself in this position again? Every time I thought I was able to let her go, she draws me back in.

(Jessica’s POV)

I realized just how real things got all of a sudden. I had let my heart overpower my head. It was a mistake I couldn’t afford again.

Jessica, you have to be the stronger one! Stop being selfish and torturing your baby sister like this… She’s already confused enough!

“Uhm… so about this Saturday… you won’t mind that I’m going out with Tiff would you?” I changed the subject abruptly.

“Oh, uhm… I don’t mind… Why would I mind? Besides I have my thing with Taeyeon unni… so…” she said, her voice slightly shaky.

Right… Taeyeon... I can’t believe she tried to deny it! There was definitely something going on between them. Maybe she just hasn’t realized it yet…

“Okay, good! Fine! We each have our own things…” I said a little too passive aggressively.

“Uhm… if you don’t want me to go… I won’t…” she told me.

Don’t go!

I bit my tongue to stop myself from saying something stupid.

“No, don’t be silly… You should go… Go have fun… BUT NOT TOO MUCH! You’re still on meds so NO DRINKING!” I said.

“I promised myself I wouldn't drink anymore…” she mumbled.

“Sorry?” I asked out of curiosity.

“Uhm… nothing... nothing… So you’re sure you really don’t mind?”

Of course I mind! But I can’t do anything about it…

“Yes, I’m sure…”

She suddenly put her hand on my cheek. “It’s just dinner… I’ll be back even before you get home.”

I really hate that I felt like a child around her now.

“You don’t have to do that…” I told her unwillingly.

“I know…”

-----

(Saturday morning…)

“Jessie… You awake?” I heard Kryssie call from outside my room.

She knocked on the door and opened it.

“Jessie?”

I wasn’t fully awake yet so I didn’t bother answering her.

I heard her walk towards me so I pulled the sheets over my head.

“Jessie, I know you’re awake!”

“So…?” I grumbled.

“So stop being a lazy bum…”

“I don’t have to get ready for hours yet… but why are you up so early?” I asked.

“Oh, didn’t I tell you? Taeyeon unni and I planned some other stuff ahead of dinner… So we’re making it an entire day kind of thing…” she explained.

WHAT?!

I bolted up immediately.

“You didn’t mention any of this before…”

“We decided this late yesterday… I could have sworn I said something to you about it…”

“I’m pretty sure I would’ve remembered if you’ve told me.”

“Oh, sorry… Anyway I just wanted to say bye before I headed off,” she said.

“What?! Already?! It’s insanely early…” It wasn’t even noon yet.

“Yeah… well… like I said… It’s going to be a whole day thing…”

Kim Taeyeon! What are your plans with my baby sister?!

“Okay… Have you taken your medicine?” I wanted to make sure she took her medication before she set out.

“We’re meeting for breakfast… ish… I’ll take my medication with the meal.”

“Hmmm okay… Make sure you call me if you need anything…”

“I will, Jessie… I’ve got to go… I’ll see you later…!” she said goodbye hastily and left.

Later that day… I met up with Tiff. I had let her decide our itinerary considering I was already too distracted thinking about what Kryssie and Taeyeon were up to.

“Hey, do you know where Kryssie and Taeyeon were headed to this morning?” I asked her.

“Not a clue. I was shocked she woke up early…” she answered.

“I wasn’t even awake yet when Kryssie came to say goodbye before leaving… I thought they were just doing dinner…”

“That’s what I thought too! Can’t imagine why Taeyeon didn’t mention any of this to me…”

“That was exactly my thoughts about Kryssie too…”

“Do you think those two are suspicious?” she asked me.

“You think so too?!”

“Uhm… I mean… I ‘m sure it’s nothing… but they have been awfully close…”

“I asked Kryssie about it the other day but she denied anything…” I told her.

She gave me a disbelieving look.

“Did you see them at dinner the other night…? Suspicious!”

I wasn’t even sure why we were talking about Kryssie and Taeyeon… It wasn’t our business but apparently I wasn’t the only one who was curious about those two.

“You know what… I shouldn’t really be poking my nose in this. If those two really do have something… it’s their business…” I said to her even though I didn’t believe my own words.

“Really? Of all people, I would think that you’d be all over this. You’re usually so protective over Krystal.”

“True… but Taeyeon’s not a bad person… You should know that… Do you have a problem with those two?” I was curious as to why she was being so inquisitive. She doesn’t usually into other people’s business.

“Uhm…” she hesitated.

“Do you have a problem with my baby sister dating your best friend?!”

“It’s not that! It’s nothing to do with Krystal… You know she’s like a sister to me too!”

“So then…?”

“No, no… I don’t have a problem…” That’s what she said but I knew she was lying.

“Let’s not talk about them anymore… Where are we going for dinner?” I asked.

“Oh, I’ve been meaning to take you to my favorite place! You like Italian right?”

“Who doesn’t?”

“Good. Let’s go.”

When we got to the restaurant, it was quite busy. The dining room was pretty full and there was a nice buzz from the chatter of the diners. It was a good thing Tiff made reservations because I really didn’t like waiting.

The host directed us to our table and we followed him. Suddenly, I heard a familiar voice call my name.

“Jessie!”

I looked around and then I spotted Kryssie and Taeyeon.

I pointed towards them and Tiff looked over as well.

We walked over to them.

“Jessie, what are you doing here?” Kryssie asked.

“We came for dinner…” I replied.

“You took her here?” Tiff asked Taeyeon.

“Yeah, I really liked it ever since you brought me here,” Taeyeon answered. “Why? Is there a problem?”

“No… I was just surprised…” Tiff said.

“Would you like to sit together?” the host asked when he realized we all knew each other.

“No, no… We’ll sit separately,” I told him.

“Very well… this way, please.” He brought us to our table which was only a few tables down from Kryssie’s.

“Uhm… this is awkward…” I said to Tiff.

“I can’t believe she brought her here…” she mumbled.

“Sorry?”

“It’s nothing. Let’s just try and ignore them…”

But there was no ignoring them. I found myself constantly looking over and wondering what they were talking about. I wasn’t the only one. Tiff was doing the same thing too. I felt slightly better that I wasn’t the only one who felt awkward. But apparently, Kryssie and Taeyeon were unfazed and were really enjoying themselves. Every once in awhile Kryssie would catch me glancing over and she would wave back, in which case I would just pretend to smile back.

Mid way into the main course, I couldn’t stand the situation anymore. Kryssie was entirely way too happy over at her table with Taeyeon while the jealousy inside me just continued to build up and was now boiling over.

“Tiff, I’m sorry. I can’t do this… It’s just… It’s too weird…” I told her.

“Ugh, I’m glad you said something! I’m not enjoying this either…” she admitted.

“Sorry. I’ll get you back another time…”

“It’s fine… Don’t worry about it… Do you need a ride home?” she asked.

“I’m good. I’m taking Kryssie with me…!” I huffed and stormed over to Kryssie’s table.

“Oh, Sica… are you guys done?” Taeyeon asked when she saw me.

“Taeyeon… I’m sorry to do this but… I’m going to have to take Kryssie back,” I told her straightforwardly.

“But Jessie… I’m not-“

I didn’t let her finish. I grabbed her hand and pulled her out of her chair.

I bowed to Taeyeon because I didn’t want to be any ruder than I was already.

“Jessie… but… I…” Kryssie protested but I just ignored it.

“It’s fine Krystal. Don’t argue with your sister. We can do this again some other time,” Taeyeon said to Kryssie.

“Sorry, unni! I’ll talk to you later…” Kryssie said as I dragged her out of the restaurant.

Some other time?! SOME OTHER TIME?!

I didn’t want to think about it. She had stopped trying to resist me and decided it was better off just to come with me. We caught a cab and headed home. The entire way home, we didn’t say a word to each other.

However, the moment we got home and the front door closed, Kryssie turned to me in a fury.

“WHY DID YOU DO THAT?! Do you even know how rude you were?!” she shouted.

I couldn’t justify what I did so I just stayed silent.

“Why would you even do that?! We were almost done with dinner anyway, couldn’t you just wait?!”

I still couldn’t respond.

“WELL?! Aren’t you going to say anything?!”

“You said you were going to be home before me…” I muttered under my breath.

“Ugh! Don’t you think you’re being a little selfish, Jessie?! You can’t just let me have dinner with Taeyeon unni?”

“FINE! Yes, I admit it! I’m selfish!” I exploded in frustration. “I’m totally and utterly selfish! You think I want to be like this?! You think I want to be selfish?! I thought I could be the more mature one. I thought I could control these feelings. Do you even know how I felt when I saw you two?!”

“What are you talking about?!”

I took a step closer to her.

“I was jealous, Kryssie!”

“Yes, I know… It’s pretty obvious. But I think you really over did it this time…”

I took another step closer to her.

“I couldn’t stand the thought of you giving her so much of your attention…”

“We were just having dinner…”

I took yet another step closer to her and we were now standing only inches apart.

“I can’t help myself, Kryssie… When it comes to you, I just want to be selfish… Is that so wrong…?”

“Jessie, why are you-“

I didn’t bother letting her finish her sentence.

In the heat of the moment, I pressed my lips against hers without even thinking. I took a half step in to get closer but she pushed me away.