Ineffable

(Taeyeon’s POV)

“Fany-ah… I’m home! I’m so, so sorry that I cancelled our plans earlier. I thought I was going to have to stay late at work but my boss ended up telling me to go home instead…” I hollered as I walked in the door.

“Oh, Taeyeonie! You’re home!” she hurried over and greeted me with a hug and a peck on the cheek. “Oh, my poor baby… Are you tired?” she asked as she took my stuff out of my hands, placed them on the table and dragged me into the living room where she practically forced me onto the couch.

“I’m okay. Do you still want to go out for dinner or something? There’s still time if we leave now…” I told her.

“Don’t worry about it… We can just order in, watch a movie, snuggle…” she giggled and smiled.

It was probably the third weekend in a row that we just stayed home and did nothing. The last two weekends were also my fault. I had been too tired to go out when she asked me to but she told me she didn’t mind. This week, I had promised to go out on a date with her. I felt guilty that we were basically already like a married couple that’s been together for a long time… we just stayed home, did nothing and just went about doing our own stuff around each other. Although… we were still pretty active in the bedroom, thankfully.

“I’m a terrible girlfriend aren’t I? I’m so sorry Fany… I’m turning this relationship into a bore. I don’t want you to get bored with me…”

“Where is this coming from? I don’t mind doing nothing… as long as I’m doing nothing with you…”

“Do you think we’re moving so fast that we’ve hit a wall? I’m starting to think we’re such a cliché…”

“Right… we’re such a cliché… Girl meets girl… Girl becomes best friends with girl… Girl falls in love with best friend but decides to secretly hide it… Finally after more than ten years, girl’s best friend FINALLY realizes she loves girl back…” she giggled.

“Well, you don’t have to be so sarcastic…” I told her, feeling a little annoyed. I decided to drop the subject since she wasn’t taking me seriously anyway, so I went silent.

“Awww… don’t be like that, Taeyeonie… I was just kidding. What’s so wrong with being a cliché? If anything I don’t think we’re moving fast enough…!” she laughed.

“Okay. First of all, I don’t think it’s humanly possible to move any faster than we already have… Secondly, we basically did everything backwards… First we lived together, then we told each other we loved each other, then we… uhm… you know…, and only after that did we go on our first date… Doesn’t make sense, does it?”

“And you say we’re a cliché… If anything, we’re one of a kind… Anyway, why the sudden worry that we’re moving too fast?”

It’s been a few weeks now since Fany and I… became an official couple. But unlike most couples, our situation was, the least to say, unconventional. Where do you go when you already know the other person like the back of your own hand? When you’ve been best friends for over 10 years? When you already lived together? When you already have insurmountable chemistry?

I’ve known that she was the only one for me for the longest time. In fact, she’s the only one I’ve ever loved but… she had only just discovered her feelings for me, so I was afraid that she might already feel tired of our relationship since we basically started where most couples were years into their relationship.

“Aren’t you worried?” I wondered out loud.

“Worried about what?”

“That you’d grow tired of me soon…?”

“Why? Are you?!” She looked at me all confused.

“No, of course not! I’ve wanted this for so long… but… I don’t know if I can give you what you want…”

“And what is that?”

“The excitement of a new relationship…”

“Hmmm… I guess you’re right…”

Ohmigod! I know I was worried but I didn’t really expect her to feel that way…!

“What?! Really?! See, I knew it!”

“Calm down you dork! What makes you think that’s what I want?!”

“Isn’t that what everyone wants at the beginning of a relationship?”

“Then I should be worried too…”

“It’s not the same… You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted…”

“Are you going to hold that over my head forever?”

“No, that’s not what I meant… I’m sorry! I just meant-“

“I know what you mean, babo! But that’s not what I want… “

“Then what do you want?”

“Isn’t it obvous?” She paused and looked at me.

“I think I know… But I need you to say it…” I told her. I was insecure. I needed to be sure…

“You’re an idiot Kim Taeyeon! I just want YOU!” she exclaimed as she poked me in the head.

I started blushing so badly, my ears were probably turning red.

“Besides, what’s so great about that new relationship feeling anyway? I think it’s overrated. You feel euphoric but you also feel awkward around that person. You are desperately trying to get to know the other person better and make a good impression on them, so you pretend to be someone you think they want. You hold back your feelings and you say things you think the other person wants to hear… I’d rather have this… No pretense, no self-conciousness… Just… purely being in the moment… That’s what I want.”

“Ugh! How is it you always manage to say things that make my fingers curl?”

“You bring it out of me…” she stuck her tongue out at me. “And… because I love you… So stop worrying about me getting tired of us and start worrying about what we should do this weekend…”

“Yah!” I pinched her arm.

“Owww! What…?!” she looked at me with a frown.

“… I love you more!”

Her frown turned into a smile and her eyes narrowed into little crescents.

Gosh! She’s so adorable with her eye smiles…

She gave me a playful little nudge on the shoulder. “Oh, you! You may think I’m the one who’s always being mushy but the truth is… you’re the more romantic one… You’re just more subtle about it…”

Sometimes it surprises me how she knows me better than I know myself. I didn’t think she did, but she does notice the little things that I do. I guess I’ve kept my feelings hidden from her for so long that it’s become second nature for me to show my affection with small gestures.

What can I really say in response to that? Nothing… so I just stared at her.

Babo… You have no idea how much I love you…

“What’s wrong? You still worried about how I feel about you?”

“No… I was just thinking that you’re n idiot!”

“Well then, we’re two idiots in love… so there!”

She pulled me into her arms and gave me a bear hug. Then she gave me a kiss on the cheek.

“Is that all I get?” I whined.

She grinned and then pecked me on the lips.

“How about that?” she asked. I knew she was trying to tease me.

“You’re not even trying…” I told her.

“How hard should I be trying then?”

“Like you actually love me…”

She gave me a hateful glare but then she pressed her lips against mine and gave me a kiss that was soft, tender, yet full of passion. She could have given me one that was deep and intense; one that drew every last breath from me; one that made me go weak at the knees; one that made my heart pound against my chest; one what made me hear sirens; one that sent electricity coursing through my veins; one that was like fireworks. But no. It was one that spoke directly from the heart; one that somehow managed to convey all her feelings for me; one that told me she loved me.

When she pulled away, she had such a satisfied look on her face. Oh, she was so smug. I hated that! But only because she had every right to be…

“So…?” she asked.

“So what?” I pretended to not know what she was referring to.

“Ah, forget it… Why do I even try…” she huffed, let go of me and crossed her arms.

I finally broke into laughter after seeing her cute expression.

“Do that… everytime… and we’ll be set for the rest of our lives!” I told her.

“Kim Taeyeon…! Are you saying we’re going to be together for the rest of our lives?” she giggled.

“I’m saying that I can only imagine growing old with you…” It was an absolutely cringe-worthy statement and I was usually not the type to say such things, but I was completely in the moment after the kiss she gave me.

“What was that?!”

“I don’t think I can say it again… but I know you heard me… Just keep that in mind anytime you feel like you’re getting tired of me…”

“Can you please… just… UGH!” she kissed me again. “I had more than 10 years to get tired of you and we’re still together aren’t we?! Babo…!”

Maybe we were just having banter but in a way, I was being serious as well. I was happy… too happy… And I wasn’t the type to be overly optimistic. I was a realist and I knew that things can’t always just be rainbows and butterflies…

“So…? Are we up for going out or are we staying in? Or we could do something tomorrow…”

“Oh… right… That reminds me…”

“What is it?”

“I just got a call from my sister…” she sighed. “The family wants me to come home for some kind of emergency meeting tomorrow… I would totally ask you to come with me and meet my family, officially, but I know it’s a little early and I also don’t want you to have to deal with my crazy family at this moment since I have no idea what is emergency is about…”

“Uhm… yeah good call… So you’ll be away the entire day tomorrow?”

“I’ll be spending the night there. I’ll be back on Sunday…”

I don’t know why but I was suddenly quite saddened and my expression must have given me away.

“Don’t be sad Taeyeonie! I’ll only be gone the one day,” she said.

Family was important to her even if she didn’t always get along with them. I wasn’t even sure why I was saddened…

Is it because I’ve been neglecting her?

“Seriously… you can come with me if you want... then I can introduce my girlfriend to my family…”

“Uhm, that’s okay… I’ll miss you though…” I thought about the options and I wasn’t ready to meet the Hwangs.

Our families were complete opposites. If we lived in olden times, she would probably be of noble blood while I would have been a peasant. Even if we weren’t both girls, we would still have been completely wrong for each other. Yet, here we were… two idiots in love, as she had put it. It was a completely accurate description of us.

“I don’t blame you…” she told me.

“I hope it’s nothing serious though.”

“Me too. I just want to get it over with and come home…”

“So why are we wasting time talking…?”

“I don’t know…? Why are we, my little animal?” she smirked and rasied an eyebrow at me.

“Yah! Stop calling me that! It’s embarrassing…”

“It’s just between the two of us…”

“Still… Sirheo!”

“But I like that pet name for you…” she pouted and made a sad face.

I hated that pet name but I liked the way she called me that… Ugh!

“Fine… You win… Just don’t call me that all the time…”

Her expression brightened again. “Eiii… I know you secretly like it…” She started poking me playfully.

I knew she wouldn’t shut up about it so I decided to just use the easiest trick in the book; I pulled her into a kiss.

“I just remembered how hungry I am…” Fany said as we pulled apart.

“Gosh, you really know how to make a girl feel special…” I said sarcastically after her only response to my kiss was that she was hungry.

“Well… you taste good… Your lip balm tastes like honey…” she said dreamily.

I was wrong; I guess it was a good response afterall…

“I’m starving too…”

“Good, let’s order in and put on an old romantic movie…”

So for the third week in a row, we stayed home and did nothing but enjoy each other’s company… Indeed we were like an old married couple but if we were this happy when we get to that stage in the future, I had nothing to worry about.

(The next day…)

“So what are you planning to do while I’m away? You’re not going to go find another girl just for the day are you…?” Fany joked.

“I’m going to go find two girls… Got to make it count…”

“TWO girls?! KIM TAEYEON!” Her voice got really loud and she gave me a threatening look.

I laughed at her. I knew it was terrible of me but I liked jealous Fany.

“Calm down, naekkeodeul… I’m just going to meet up with the Jungs. I haven’t seen either of them for awhile and since you’re going to be away, I thought it was a good time to catch up,” I explained.

“I’ll never understand your relationship with the Jungs… Are you like their 3^rd sister or something?” she shook her head.

“Why? Are you jealous of our closeness even though you met them first?” I gave her a smug look.

“Tch! Nothing to be jealous about… You ain’t got nothing on me…” she said confidently.

“Oh really… who’s the one who thought I had something going on with Krystal…?”

“Well, you two I’ll definitely never get… But since Jess will be there too… I’ll approve,” she smiled cheekily.

“Oh so now I have to get permission first?”

“Of course, naekkeodeul.”

“Yah!” I punched her on the arm.

“Owww! Okay, okay… I trust you, my little animal! Now… give me a kiss. I have to get going…”

She leaned in half way and waited for me to complete the kiss.

I took a second to admire the person in front of me. It still baffles me how we ended up together, even as best friends… We don’t really make sense on paper and in so many ways we shouldn't work, but we do… I guess love can’t really be explained can it? I mean… just think about the Jungs…

I closed the gap and pressed my lips against hers.

“Hey, are you wearing my lip balm?!” I asked. It definitely tasted like mine.

“Yeah, sorry… It tastes good…” she grinned sheepishly.

“Idiot… I’ll see you when you get back…”

“Yeah. Don’t forget! I have eyes and ears everywhere! So don’t do anything I won’t, naekkeodeul…”

“You too, naekkeodeul…”