Heart to Heart

(Taeyeon’s POV)

“So what do you think? Should I take the job?” I asked Fany.

I had been offered a job as an illustrator for an up and coming video game company today in my search for employment. It wasn’t exactly what I had in mind and I had only applied in desperation, not really expecting that I would get the offer. The company was only 2 years old and it was founded and headed by a 28-year-old entrepreneur/video game prodigy. The company was small enough that it felt like a hippy independent company, which I don’t mind working for but illustrating video games wasn’t exactly the inspiring art I wanted to do. On the other hand though, the starting pay was excellent and my potential boss was brilliant; the kind of person I would want to work for.

“I can’t believe you even applied for that… How unexpected!” Fany replied.

“I was desperate, okay… I was basically sending out my resume to everyone and anyone looking for an illustrator,” I explained.

“So aside from the fact that you will basically be drawing for video games… is there anything wrong with the offer?”

“I guess not… I don’t know…”

“Well, I mean, you should just do what your gut tells you… Do you think it’s a right fit?”

“All my gut is telling me right now is that I want some ramen…” A hungry stomach made it even more difficult to make a decision.

“Maybe you should get a third opinion…” Fany suggested.

“Hmm… That’s a good idea! I’ll call Jessica.”

“Since when were you two such good buddies?”

“Oh… we bonded while you were away… Don’t be jealous okay? We have a thing now…” I laughed sneakily.

“Oh really? Jess usually takes longer to warm up to someone… How did you manage this incredible feat?” Fany asked, sounding a little jealous.

“By being honest…”

“What is that? Some kind of metaphor?”

“No… It is what it is…”

She gave me a skeptical look and decided to just accept the fact.

I called Jessica as I considered the offer again.

“Taeyeon-shi… What’s up?” Jessica asked from the other end of the line. She had taken to greeting me with that ever since the day at the museum. It was our thing…

“Hey Sica! So remember I was talking to you about that video game job the other day?”

“Yeah? Did they offer you the job?”

“How’d you-” I started.

“You should take it,” she said immediately before I could even finish my sentence.

“How’d you know they offered me the job?”

“Why wouldn’t they? You’re brilliant.”

“Thanks… but really, you think I should take the job?”

“Tae, we both know you’re going to take it in the end. The only problem you had with that job was that you would be working with video games. But honestly, have you seen the games these days? The graphics are really amazing and detailed. I know it’s not what you always thought you wanted to do but it could be fun and creative. Besides I really think that you will fit well in that company,” she elaborated.

I thought about it for a moment. “I did like the work environment there. The CEO really took pride in cultivating creativity…”

“I mean, don’t just listen to me… but that’s my two cents. What did Tiff say?”

“She told me to follow my gut…”

“Right… Well I think unless you have a good reason not accept, I think it’s a pretty good opportunity.”

Just then I heard Krystal in the back ground.

“Jessie, is that Taeyeon unni?”

“Yeah, why?”

“When you’re done can you pass her over to me?”

“Why?”

“I just want to talk to her about something, okay?!”

“Fine…!”

“Hey, did you hear that?” Sica turned her attention back to me.

“Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll talk to you later then…”

“Okay.”

“Bye, Jessica-shi!”

There were some sounds of rustling and then Sica and Krystal were back to arguing.

“What’s so important that you want to talk to Taeyeon about?”

“Uhm… it’s about my art class.”

“Can’t you just call her yourself instead of butting into our conversation?”

“It’s an emergency okay?!”

“Fine!”

There were more rustling sounds.

“Hey unni! Sorry about that… Jessie unni is being so nosy!” Krystal greeted over the phone.

“What’s the matter Krystal? You need some help with your art project?” I asked based on what I had heard.

“Uhm… actually I just needed to talk to someone older and wiser…” she suddenly whispered.

“Then why don’t you just talk to your sister?”

“No, she’ll flip out about it…”

“Uhm… okay… What is it?”

“Can we meet up? It’s difficult to talk over the phone…” There was a slight panic in her voice like she was in desperation.

Why is she being so mysterious? Is she in some kind of trouble?

“Yeah, sure. Where do you want to meet?”

“Let’s meet at the little food stall near your place? You know the one we went to the last time?”

“Yeah, okay. In 30 minutes?”

“Sounds good. I’ll see you then.”

(Krystal’s POV)

I got ready really quickly and waited until Jessie went into her room. I had to time it just right because I didn’t want her to ask too many questions when I told her I was heading out to meet Taeyeon unni.

I heard her room door close and I took my chance to head out.

“Jessie! I’m going out to meet Taeyeon unni! I’ll be back in an hour or two, okay?! Bye!” I yelled and headed out immediately before she had a chance to react.

Almost immediately, I got a text message from her.

“Where are you sneaking off to?!”

“I’m not sneaking. I’m just meeting Taeyeon unni. Don’t worry, okay? I’ll be back in an hour or two.” I texted back.

There was a long moment before her reply. “Okay. Be safe! I’ll be checking in…”

I was relieved that she didn’t ask any more questions.

When I got to the food stall, Taeyeon unni was already there waiting for me. She waved me over and I took my seat across from her.

“Ahjummah, can I get a beer please?” I called out as soon as I sat down.

“Woah, Krystal! Should you be drinking?” Taeyeon unni asked in shock.

“Sorry… I really need some liquid courage right now…”

“What’s the matter, Krystal? Are you in some kind of trouble?”

“No…” I answered as I took a sip of my beer.

“Then, what’s wrong…?”

She sounded really worried but I wasn’t sure how to tell her about my predicament.

“Unni, have you ever liked someone who doesn’t like you back?” I asked with a sigh.

Her expression relaxed and she chuckled.

“Is that it? Is that what all the secrecy is about?” she asked in return.

“I’m being serious here, unni. I need some advice…”

“Okay, okay… Well… we’ve all been there… Who is it?”

“Uhm… that’s not important… So what did you do?” I took another sip of the beer, actually it was more like a big gulp.

“ Well… I waited too long because I was too afraid… I never told her how I felt,” she answered, her eyes full of sorrow.

“How do you stop it from hurting, unni? I don’t know what to do…” I chugged the last of the beer.

“Ahjummah! Can we get a bottle of soju please!” she called out. “Well, now that you’re an adult, it makes it easier… we can at least drown it out a little…” she said, partly joking.

She poured me a shot and I returned the favor. I looked away as I took the shot. The liquid burned as it slid down my throat and I could already start to feel its affect immediately.

“Are you sure that they don’t like you back?” she questioned.

“Sometimes… I feel like she could… but I think it’s just because I want it too much; I’m just imagining it. There’s no way she likes me back,” I told her.

There’s no way Jessie likes me like that… How could she? We’re sisters. I don’t even know why I’m like this… What’s wrong with me?! How can I like my own sister?! UGH! Why, why, WHY?! Why does it have to be her?!

I slammed my head on the table but I felt so numb that it didn’t even hurt.

“Ohmigod! Don’t do that Krystal… you’re going to hurt yourself…” she said worriedly.

“I’m already hurting unni! It hurts so bad! I don’t want to feel like this… How do I make it go away?!”

She poured me another shot and we took another drink.

“I’m sorry, Krystal… You can’t… Not immediately anyway…”

We poured each other another round and ordered another bottle. This went on throughout our conversation.

I slumped my head back down.

She started my hair to comfort me.

“At this point, there are two things you can do. One, you can keep doing what you’re doing and keep your feelings bottled up. Two, you can take a chance and confess and see what happens. But I can tell you now, I chose the first option and I really regret it now. If I could go back, I would choose to confess.”

“But… what if…”

“What if what? What’s the worst that could happen?”

“She could freak out and hate me forever…”

“I doubt it. You said that you sometimes feel like she might like you back right?”

“Yes, but-“

“That means that at least she cares about you. Are you two close?”

“Yes, but-“

“Well then, I’m sure that even if she doesn’t like you back in that way, you two can still work it out and remain friends. If you’re close, she won’t just abandon you…”

Just then, my phone rang with a text message. It was Jessie…

”Kryssie, are you alright? Are you coming home soon?”

She wasn’t kidding when she said she would be checking up on me. I stared at the message wondering what she was doing at home…

“Who’s that?” Taeyeon unni asked.

“It’s Jessie unni… She wants to know if I’m going home soon…”

“Are you?”

“I’m not done yet,” I told her and then I put down my phone without giving Jessie a reply.

“Why don’t you just text her back and tell her you’ll be back later?”

I just shrugged. At this point, I didn’t want to go home because I knew there were a lot of questions waiting for me and I just couldn’t deal with them at that moment, especially since they were all about her. How was I supposed to tell her?!

Taeyeon unni’s phone started ringing. She looked at the screen.

“It’s Sica. She’s probably calling for you…”

“Don’t answer it!”

“I can’t do that… She’ll worry about you AND get mad at me…”

She answered the call.

“Oh, Jessica-shi! What’s up...? Yeah she’s here, she’s fine… No, nothing’s wrong… she’s just stressing out about school and other stuff… When will she be back…? Maybe in an hour… I’ll make sure she gets home safe… Don’t worry about it… Yes, yes, I promise… Okay… Okay… Okay, bye.” And then she hung up.

“Is she mad?” I wondered.

“Worried more like… I told her I’d get you home safe though.”

“Thanks. I can’t deal with her right now…”

“I don’t know why you couldn’t just have this conversation with her…”

“Because she’ll have a lot of questions and she’ll start prying more than she needs to. I don’t want that… Besides I’m pretty sure she’s never liked anyone…”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that… Maybe your sister has her own secrets…”

“I don’t think so… I know her too well…”

If Jessie ever liked anyone, I’m sure I would have known about it.

“Anyway, so as I was saying… Sometimes you just need to take a risk and even if it doesn’t turn out the way you want, at least you won’t live your life wondering about what might have been.”

“And what if she doesn’t like me back?”

“Then at least you’ll know for sure and you can start to move on. But what if she does like you back? You can be happy…”

I thought about it. Even if by some miracle Jessie felt the same way… we could never be together. It was wrong…! It was forbidden… It was blasphemous!

I was about to take another drink when Taeyeon unni stopped me.

“I think we’ve had enough for tonight. It’s time to go home…” she instructed.

I hadn’t noticed it but we had had 4 bottles of soju between the two of us.

“You’re right, unni. I guess I should head home…”

We paid for our drinks and I stood up to leave when all at once the cumulative affects of all the alcohol I had caused my head to spin.

I started to lose my balance but Taeyeon unni caught me.

“Krystal, are you alright?!” she exclaimed. “I knew I shouldn’t have let you drink so much. Sica’s going to kill me…”

“I-I’m fine. I just stood up too fast…”

“Yeah, right… I’m taking you home.”

She called for a taxi and she dropped me off at my place.

“Unni, you’ll keep our conversation a secret right?” I asked.

“Of course, my lips are sealed.”