My reflection in the mirror

Is so empty, as if there’s nothing there

I walk alone on the street

But this empty street feels so empty

Da ra dat dat dat dat dat

Baby don’t worry

After waking up from the dream that was you

This morning of reality feels so empty

 

As I face the morning, I realize once again

What wakes me up is not you but an alarm bell

Why is this damn bed so big?

In my vast desert of a heart, only a cold wind blows

 

 

***

 

Kim Taeyeon’s Hometown

Jeonju, North Jeolla

 

1.00 p.m.

 

 

Taeyeon was heading straight to her parent’s house after her schedule. All the way, still in her outfit and make-up. She didn’t mind go back to her apartment to change her outfit to a casual one nor grab her own car.

 

Because she was too afraid.

Too afraid of meeting Jiyong in her apartment.

She was sure, she already gave Youngbae a text about her departure.

That Youngbae can pick Jiyong up and make sure she won’t see a glimpse of Jiyong when she come back.

Taeyeon warned him hard about that.

 

She wasn’t ready to meet the sober Jiyong.

She wasn’t ready to look at those hurtful eyes.

She wasn’t ready to hear his painful voice.

 

And even though Youngbae gave her his promise, Taeyeon was still too afraid to take a risk.

So she borrowed her manager’s car and drove off to her peaceful place.

 

“How have you been, dear?” Kim Umma hugged her beloved daughter.

Gazed at her mother’s worry eyes Taeyeon answered cutely, “I’m fine Umma. Don’t worry too much. It’s waaay better now.”

 

There’s no way she show her mother about her real feeling. About the uneasiness she felt after Jiyong’s unexpected visit. About the soaring love and hurt inside her heart when she remember Jiyong’s word in his sleep.

 

 

‘Don’t leave me, Taeyeon…’

‘Mianhe, I don’t meant to hurt you…’

‘I miss you, please come back…’

 

 

It broke Taeyeon’s heart to the tiniest part.

The thing that hurt her the most was Jiyong’s unconsciousness. He longed for her in his dream. How about in the real life? Will he still want her back? Will his hurtful eyes change? Will his painful voice disappear?

Those questions kept repeating inside her mind, pushed her in the verge of confusion.

Her heart filled with butterfly yet her mind shooting all of them down.

 

Out of people, she should know Jiyong better. Drunk people could be the sincerest of all.

Jiyong is one of those people, yet she couldn’t take her heart to believe in him.

It was too risky.

And she wasn’t ready to gamble.

 

 

“Are you hungry? I cooked your favorite meals.”

“Yeah Umma, I’m starving.” Taeyeon flashed her sincere smile, “Where’s Jiwoong oppa and Hayeon?”

“Jiwoong has some project to do, so he went to Busan yesterday and bring Hayeon with him. She’s having her holiday after all.”

“And appa?”

“He’s golfing with his friend.”

“Aigoo, poor Umma. You’re all alone.” Taeyeon teased, earning her Umma’s laughs.

“You’re all inside my heart, though. So it doesn’t really matter if we can’t see each other.”

 

Somehow, Kim Umma’s words shoot daggers right on to Taeyeon’s heart.

 

“Umma…”

“Gwenchana… as long as you keep him inside your heart, the boundaries can’t tear you apart.” She said to her beloved daughter.

Taeyeon’s eyes brimmed with tears, “There’s always him inside my heart. Even after all this time.”

“I know that, dear. What happens? Something is bothering you, I can see that in your eyes.”

“It’s nothing… I’m just missing you.” Taeyeon smiled while wiping her tears.

“Fool anyone, but not me Taeyeon. I’m your mother.”

“It’s just… too suffocating in Seoul. I just want to feel at peace.”

Kim Umma hugged her, “Then go find your peace here, dear. So when you go back to your life, you’re ready.”

“Thank you so much for always being with me, Umma. I love you.”

“I love you too, dear. Just keep your head up. Don’t mind anyone’s bad words. There’s a chance as long as you still believe.”

Kim Umma cupped Taeyeon’s face, “well, I believe that this storm will end soon. And you’ll get your prettiest rainbow.” She kissed her dearest daughter’s cheeks, “Just hold on sweetheart. Knowing Jiyong, I’m sure he is having his own battle right now.”

 

 

***

 

I’m an empty shell, a coward without you

People around me look at me with pity

It kills me, no what a day

Before starting my day, without thinking I saw…

My reflection in the mirror

(There’s no smile on my face)

Is so empty, as if there’s nothing there

I walk alone on the street

But this empty street feels so empty

(It’s quiet just like my heart)

 

 

 

“Please give me her passcode, Youngbae-ah. I want to see her again.” Jiyong was literally on his knees when begged Youngbae to give Taeyeon’s apartment passcode.

“I gave her my promise, Jiyong-ah. I won’t break her trust.”

“You don’t want to help me? You’re my buddy, please…”

“I’m sorry, bro. this time I can’t help you.”

 

Jiyong sighed in defeat.

 

“I should wake up earlier before she go.” Jiyong rubbed her temple.

“You shouldn’t be there in the first place.” Youngbae replied.

“You don’t have any right to tell me that.”

“Oh, believe me Jiyong, I do have any right to that. I do have any right to get angry. I do have any right to ignore you all day for making me worry like .”

“Pssh, don’t start to play saint with me, Youngbae.”

“Then stop pretending that you’re the devil.”

“I’m doing all of this for her sake! How many times should I tell you that?!”

“Then stop asking her apartment’s passcode. It’ll be confusing for her. Just continue on what you’re doing. You really did a great job, Jiyong. I can tell you that”

 

Sarcasm.

And Jiyong didn’t have any reply to that.

 

“Don’t worry, she’s fine now.”

“Is she… happy now?” Jiyong’s facial expression changed.

“I couldn’t see, whether she’s happy or not. But she looked way better now.”

“Ah… is that so?” Jiyong gazed down. Youngbae’s words felt like a bucket of cold water fall on his head.

“Yes. So that’s why I’m telling you this. Your appearance will put her in the insecurity and confusion. It’s hurting her more.”

“I don’