“Promise?” He laid his chin on my head. “I don’t want to force you if I come back again.” I felt him laugh. I rested my head on his chest – listening to his heartbeat. He’s so calm. Each beat is steady whereas mine is beating like a hummingbird. I could feel it hitting my chest a thousand times a second. I took a deep breath and tuned in deeper into his heartbeat – calming myself down. I held him tighter. I don’t want him to go. I don’t want to miss his body against mine. His skin against mine. His warmth when we lay in bed together. His face when I wake up in the morning.

I took another deep breath taking in as much as I can of him. “I promise.” He moved and tilted his head down so he can look me in the eyes. He forced a grin. I know he’s nervous. You can see it from his gaze. I rested my head on his chest tuning in on his rhythm – memorizing it.

That’s the only tune I’ll have of him when I fall asleep at night.

He held me in the middle of the walkway in the airport. Déjà vu hit me. This is what happened in Korea, but instead, he’s leaving me. As each second passed, fear is rolling down my skin. I’m scared.

I felt his head digging into my hair, rubbing my scalp. I closed my eyes enjoying his touch. His touch. The tingle I feel every time his fingertips brush my skin. 

Now boarding Korean Airline Flight 2451 to Seoul, South Korea

He’s leaving soon. We hugged each other tighter. I felt his chest expand as he took a deep breath. His heart started pounding faster. He kissed the top of my head. I didn’t want to move. But I felt him pushing me off gently. My body held onto him tighter.

“Baby,” he broke the silence. I shook my head refusing to listen. “Baby, please.” He whispered again. His hands were at my waist. I loosened up giving a little space between us. I didn’t want to look at him. “Please?” He pleaded once more. He placed his lips on my forehead and he continued to talk. “Look at me.” I shut my eyes and I felt his finger touch my chin. I shook it off. “Can I look at you before I board?” His voice became distraught. “Please?”

I finally gave in and looked at him. I looked straight at him and I instantly felt tears down my cheeks. My eyes started burning. “I don’t want you to go,” I blurted out. “I need you.” I felt my inner strength, my foundation, break down in an instant. Everything finally hit me. I’m pregnant. Someone is growing inside of me.

And I felt so lost.

He pulled me to his chest and started humming in my ear. “Baby,” he chuckled, “I know you’re scared.” He started patting my head. “But you aren’t alone. We’re going to be together again in one month.” I shook my head. “Baby, you said one month.”

One month. 30 days. “No, I can’t wait that long,” I sobbed.

Final call for passengers for Korean Airlines Flight 2451 to Seoul, South Korea. Final Call.

I flinched hearing the announcement. I held him tighter. “Noo,” I begged. He pushed me off and held my shoulders. I saw his eyes. They started to fill with water.

“Baby,” he said, “listen to me. One month. You convinced me you have so many things to figure out before you’re with me in Korea. Please, remember that.” He pressed his lips on mine and wrapped his arms around me – deepening the kiss. I held onto him, pulling on his sweater. He’s right. He broke our kiss. “I’ll call you as soon as I land,” He whispered into my ear. I nodded holding onto him still. He let me go and I forced myself to do the same. I couldn’t look at him. My hands were tugging on his sleeves. He grabbed the side of my face and forced me to look at him. "Hold onto this,” he pulled his pinky ring off. “I’ve had this since I entered YG,” He kissed my forehead. “I love you.” He started walking backwards towards the gate.

As soon as our fingers didn’t touch, tears wouldn’t stop falling. I felt alone surrounded by people. I didn’t move. I couldn’t move. He’s gone.

He’s back in Korea. I felt my knees give up and I fell to the floor. People started focusing on me. They started chattering. I finally looked around, and there was Ash – looking out the window. I didn’t even say goodbye to Vic.

I heard the plane take off, and there I was, still sitting on the floor.

“Excuse me, miss?” someone said behind me. I turned my head slightly. “I need you to get off the floor.” I turned my head fully and I see a security guard.

“Sorry,” I managed to say and got up.

Ash started walking towards me. She grinned while rubbing her arm. When we were face to face, she hugged me. “Don’t worry, we’ll see them soon,” she whispered.

I should tell her now.

“Ash,” I tried keeping my voice even, “I’m pregnant.”

I felt her gasp and she pushed me back holding onto my shoulders. Her jaw dropped and her eyes widen. “Oh.. my.. God.”

I pulled her closer to me and started crying again – taking comfort in her. I rested my head on her chest trying to hear her heartbeat.

It wasn’t the same. Nothing at all the same.

“Does he know?” she mumbled as she rubbed my back.

I nodded and pushed her off. I wiped the tears from my eyes and started walking towards the exit. I grabbed her hand – holding it. I can’t be alone right now. “Stay the night tonight, please?”

She wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “Of course. I love you, Mag.”

I looked at her and smiled. “I love you too.”