I don’t know how to tell her. I don’t even know how to really approach it to her. She’s sitting on the couch watching Matlock – her favorite crime show.

“Mom?” I faintly called out. I hope she didn’t hear me.

“Yeah, sayang?” She’s still looking at the screen.

“I need..” my voice started to crack. . Calm down. “Mom.”

I walked up to the TV and turned it off.

“Sayangg,” she whined and she finally looked at me. I think it’s obvious I’m serious. “What’s wrong?”

I saw a glimpse of myself in the mirror behind our couch. God, I look so pale. I sat down next to her. I’m gripping the magazine so tight. “Mom, I know you’ve been wondering what happened in Korea.”

She looked at me with a frown on her face. “Sayang,” she rubbed my cheeks, “I’ve been praying that you’ll speak up.”

“Mom, it’s not what you think. Nothing bad happened to me there.”

She gave me a fake smile.

“I met someone there.” I said softly. I took the magazine out. “Look.”

She skimmed at the cover. She jerked back. “How are you on a magazine? What does it say?!” She glanced at me. “What happened?” She was glancing through the pages.

I’ve been shoving the feelings aside to prevent me from becoming depressed. And now, having to touch those feelings again is killing me. I took a deep breath. “Mom, I love him.”

“WHAT?!” She stood up. “This guy right here?! Who the hell is he?!”

“Calm down,” I felt a tear roll down my face. “Please.”

She finally sat down. “Okay, breathe in and breathe out.”

I told her everything that happened. Every single detail [aside from having ALL the time]. She finally realized what I meant.

“In one month?” She sighed. “Maybe that’s why everything worked out for you to go there.” She placed the magazine down. “What’s goi..” She stopped herself. “Sayang, maybe you should go back and tell him.”

“Tell him what?”

She pressed her lips. “I’m not stupid. For being 65, I know when my daughter is hiding something.”

“Mom,” I grabbed her hand, “what are you talking about?”

She gave me a hug. “I’m just glad James isn’t the guy.”

James – my ex-boyfriend. I shivered thinking about him. He’s not even a tenth of who Taeyang is. “So, you know?”

She pulled apart. “I don’t know how things are going to work out, but..” she paused and I could see that she’s holding tears back, “I’ve been married to Papa for over 35 years. Not once in our marriage have I..” she stopped and looked at me. She finally let it out. “I know I’ve been holding onto you for so long.” She took a deep breath. I’ve been taking care of my mom since I was 18 years old. I don’t even want to think about that. “Have you talked to him?”

“.. I’ve been avoiding it.”

She pat my leg. She the TV again.

I need to talk to him today. Please answer.