Chen knew it was serious when Sooyun asked him if they could talk…  So, there he is, sitting by her side in her living room, in this humongous house.  He doesn’t know what she wants to talk about since she didn’t really say anything besides that one question: Is it OK if I have a talk with you later?  Whatever it is, she doesn’t want to wait until they get back to China in the next 2 weeks.

            “At first, I was really worried about working with EXO M.” starts Sooyun, as she pulls her knees close to her.

            Chen glances at her from the empty bowl and cup in front of them on the coffee table.  He’s surprised that she would leave things like that around when she doesn’t like it when the guys do that back in the condo back in China.

            “And, I still am.” she admits.

            “Because of Lu Han?” asks Chen.

            Sooyun is quiet for a while as she shifts in her seat.  “Yeah.” she replied. 

            “Why?” asks Chen.

            “I know that they’re not the same person and I would never mistake them as each other…  I know how Shin is and how he carries himself.  Lu Han isn’t him no matter how many people mistaken them to be the same person.  But…” says Sooyun, as she starts to tear up and Chen swallows, uncomfortably.  He doesn’t know what to do if she starts to cry out loud, which he’s afraid of the most.  “I dreamt about him not long ago.”

            “What do you mean, Sooyun?” questions Chen, confused.

            “I used to dream about Shin all the time when he was still here, but those dreams stopped the moment he left.” she explains, with a weak voice.  “I prayed every night for the last 4 years to dream about him and I suddenly dreamt about him the other night…”

            Chen absorbs in what she said.  “Before you go on, I just want to understand some things first since we’ve never talked about them prior to this conversation.” he reminds her.  Although he wanted to know about her relationship with Shin, he never had the guts to ask.  He was scared that she would cry and then he wouldn’t know what to do.  “I want to know more about your relationship with Shin.”

            “Our relationship was beautiful…” whispers Sooyun.  “And, it felt surreal at the same time.  He entered my life like a dream and left the way he entered it.  His love for me mirrored my dad’s and, maybe, even greater than that.  It was patient, gentle, calming, and unconditional.  In return, I gave him my own love with the same passion and vigor.  When he passed away, I felt like a part of me went with him and my days after him were lifeless and empty and they still are.”

            “What did you love the most about him?” asks Chen, curious.

            “His persistence.” laughs Sooyun, softly through her budding tears.  Chen’s ears automatically perk up when he heard her laugh.  That melody was unheard of and he and his band members had wondered how it sounded like.  “If it wasn’t for his persistence, then we would have never been together.”

            “What do you mean?”

            Sooyun turns to look at Chen as she wipes the edges of her eyes.  “I was a fangirl, Jongdae.” she explains.  “I was practically in love with Lu Han and I didn’t want to get in a relationship with Shin for the wrong reasons.  I thought that it was weird and amazing that I actually knew someone that looked exactly like Lu Han, but because he was so in love with me and so persistent, I couldn’t help it but love him for who he really is.”

            Oh yeah.  I forgot that she gave accidentally gave him that love note and that was when Lu Han admitted that he liked her.  She really was a fan after all.  I wonder how Lu Han would feel about that, thought Chen.  It seriously might had worked if he got into the picture before Shin did.

            “The only thing I regret with our relationship is that I wished I had accepted his feelings the moment I met him instead of putting him off to the side until later.” adds Sooyun.  “And, I would relive everything all over again to feel his love once again even though we never had a happy ending together.”

            Chen stares at her.  The last person that had probably heard her laugh, smile, and be truly happy was Shin.  It is as if all of that had died with him as well.  He wonders if anyone will ever be able to see her like that again. 

            Maybe Lu Han can help out with that, thought Chen.  I’m sure a lot of people including the guys and I will love to see her smile again.

            “Do you think that you dreamt of Shin recently because of Lu Han?” he asks.

            “I think so.” nods Sooyun.  “I haven’t been able to before.  Then, all the sudden, I dreamt about him.  It was miraculous.”

            “Is it because you guys are getting closer?” questions Chen.

            But, they’re so AWKWARD around each other!, he says silently.

            “No.” quickly replies Sooyun.  “We’re barely close, Jongdae.”

            “Do you want to get close to him?” he asks.

            “No.” she replies, with a softer voice.  “It’s OK.”

            “Is it because you don’t want to get yourself hurt if you fall for him?” boldly questions Chen.

            “I won’t fall for him.” answers Sooyun, right off the bat.  “He’s a really sweet guy, but he’s not Shin.”

            “If he’s not, then why do you always look like you’re about to cry when you’re around him?”

            Sooyun stares into a distance.  Chen notices that her lips trembled.  “They look the same from the back and it’s the most painful to watch them walk away.” 

            He pats her shoulder as her hand quickly comes up to wipe away her glassy eyes.

            Chen gets to his parent’s home, distressed.  Sooyun’s situation isn’t as simple as he had thought of everything to be.  It’s much more complicated with many things that he didn’t know before, such as the hate that she still receives from certain fans in Moon Shin’s fandom.  Some of them still blame her for the accident, for taking him with her when he should’ve stayed at home instead.  A cold shiver goes down his spine as his mind went back to the chaos that arouse at that particular fansign.

            In addition, he found out that Sooyun had repressed her last moment with Shin before his last breath.  She claimed that all she could remember was when he fell onto the stage and then the next thing was waking up in a hospital bed, making Shin’s death surreal.  Chen is surprised that something like that would occur, but the whole ordeal must have been so traumatizing that her mind had completely repressed the memory.

            That is so sad, thought Chen.  She doesn’t even remember if Shin said anything to her before he left….  It’s so complicated.  No wonder she still holds on.  For a moment, he wonders if he should tell Lu Han about his discovery.  I shouldn’t tell him EVERYTHING because this isn’t my life that we’re talking about…  It’s Sooyun’s and I don’t have the authority to tell him about such personal things like this.  Maybe I’ll just tell him about what I think of this whole thing.

            Chen quickly gets ready for bed and sits on his bed.  He was never the curious one to look up anything much about Moon Shin, unlike Lu Han.  So, he is going to give it a try.  He enters the name into the search engine on his phone and goes through a few things that popped up.

            He stares at the posts that were on Shin’s Twitter.  There is the last tweet he made: Just take me with you!  I don’t care where!  I don’t want to be home without you no matter how much you say no~  :P.  There was at least a million retweet, regarding his sudden death.  Then, Chen goes on to look at the pictures and videos the young man had posted.  There was a video of him kissing Sooyun as she was sleeping.  Watching that video, strange emotions washed over Chen.

            Wow…  I seriously thought that he was Lu Han, he thought, feeling shocked over again.  If it wasn’t Shin that posted the video, then I would’ve thought that Lu Han violated her or something back in China.

            Chen eventually moves onto the fancafé, knowing well that Sooyun was the admin of the site.  After much observations, he realizes that Shin loved her greater than his own life.  And, that he truly died because he rather be the one that died than to see her go.

            “I hope that she’ll be able to find someone that will make her smile again like the way you did.” states Chen, as he stares at the picture of Sooyun and Shin smiling brightly into the camera.

AUTHOR’S NOTE:

            Hope you guys enjoyed this!  ^^  Since I was so slow at updating for the last few weeks, here’s another chapter for you all!!  Enjoy~

LOVE,

loveFORyunho